Rich husband or successful career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich husband. I'd get massages, play tennis & swim while kids are at school. Heaven

A rich husband who loves me and cannot imagine life without me, dependable, reliable, with whom I would feel secure both emotionally and financially. In addition to what PP said, I would also volunteer for causes that I care about or do part time work with NGOs. Or if my husband is fabulously rich, I would become involved in charity donations, so would contribute to donating to causes I care about.

And a unicorn, too, please! I mean, while we're dreaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The career! I want to use my brain and feel smart and successful and independent. I don't need a man to give me $.

Me too! I applaud your ambition. FF 10 years and let's go crazy and say you have 5 kids. Two ambition driven careers expecting crazy hours is not a work/life balance. Reality. Kids need parenting which usually mean females mommy track or SAH or they marry less ambitious males. Just my opinion.

Advice to young women. Think about this and choose your path.

What's your advice to young men? Since they're parents too (if they are parents)?

Same advice in reverse. You need to think about who is going to raise the kids before you choose your mate. 50/50, more Mom, more Dad, more nanny? What if future DW gets a life changing great career opportunity in another city (i.e. Marissa Mayer)? Would you put your career on hold potentially to support her dreams?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich husband because deep down inside I love my children

Yes ... Because working moms don't love their kids?

Nope. SAHMs especially love their daughters. That's why they set such a great example for them!

I have a Master's Degree and worked hard in my field until I had children. Now I SAH. When my kids hit school age, I carved out a little business for myself that doesn't detract in any way from my children. My daughter (middle child) is now 16, and in choosing her career path, said that she wants a career that will allow her flexibility to be home when the kids are, because it means a lot to her that I put she and her brothers over a high-powered career.

I've set a GREAT example, thank you very much.

I think you and your husband have set a great example for your daughter and your sons -- you've worked together to make it possible for one parent to be the primary caregiver. That can be the husband or wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The career! I want to use my brain and feel smart and successful and independent. I don't need a man to give me $.

Me too! I applaud your ambition. FF 10 years and let's go crazy and say you have 5 kids. Two ambition driven careers expecting crazy hours is not a work/life balance. Reality. Kids need parenting which usually mean females mommy track or SAH or they marry less ambitious males. Just my opinion.

Advice to young women. Think about this and choose your path.

What's your advice to young men? Since they're parents too (if they are parents)?

I'm not the PP, but the advice I give my sons, who are 23 and 20, is to consider the possibility that they might be the primary caregiving parent for at least some part of their parenting years. The background here is that they have both said they appreciate the way DH and I worked together to make it possible for me to be a SAHM when they were little and then work part-time for many years. And they've both also said they'd like to marry someone who would be willing to be a SAHM. I've told them that I'm glad they liked having a parent at home, but they'll need to work this out with their future spouses and that the decision will depend on many factors that they can't even anticipate at this point.

This was certainly the case for DH and me -- we met in law school and never dreamed that we wouldn't both work full-time, but with 3 kids and no family nearby we found it very hard to live the family life we wanted when we were both working 50-60 hours/week. We decided that it would be best for me to be a SAHM for a while and later to return to work part-time. We were lucky to be able to swing this financially, but, of course, most families can't do this. Even if you can, as I've told my kids (youngest is a DD still in high school), the default shouldn't be that the mom stays home, but that you make your decision in a thoughtful and loving way.

[Anonymous]

I'd like both please, then I could chose whether or not and how much I want to work and how important I want my career to be vis a vis spending time with my family.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Career. Divorce rate is too high for me to gamble on. If I make my own money, I'm safe and my child is safe.[/quote]

+1 -- also you give your child the example of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IRL I chose the rich husband. It's a really great life! no stress.

No stress to you. That would actually stress me out. I love my job and I'm good at it so staying home would drive me bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich husband because deep down inside I love my children

Yes ... Because working moms don't love their kids?

Nope. SAHMs especially love their daughters. That's why they set such a great example for them!

I have a Master's Degree and worked hard in my field until I had children. Now I SAH. When my kids hit school age, I carved out a little business for myself that doesn't detract in any way from my children. My daughter (middle child) is now 16, and in choosing her career path, said that she wants a career that will allow her flexibility to be home when the kids are, because it means a lot to her that I put she and her brothers over a high-powered career.

I've set a GREAT example, thank you very much.

So, daddy sucks in their eyes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how all the working moms profess a great love of their jobs (hear them roar!). Yet in real life every working mom I know is a haggard mess, waking up early, commuting and spending all day dealing with office BS instead of remaining connected with family/kids. These are the same women who are medicating (pills, alcohol, etc.) and who rarely see their husband and kids. In the real world, often these are the folks who wind up divorced. And, divorce for a working woman ain't a cake-walk. Let's at least be real here ladies. Don't worry, the PC police aren't watching.

Well, then you don't know me or all of my working mom friends. I work at a job I LOVE and I'm good at. I have a well respected position and I'm climbing the ranks in an environment that currently has little movement. I am far from a haggard mess. I work out 6 days a week and have a killer body. I dress professionally every day and even while on maternity took a shower every day and dressed nice. I run 10-12 extreme races each year. I'm extremely organized at work and at home. Our meals are planned out each week, I cook mainly from scratch, and I make/decorate professional looking cakes for holidays, kids' birthdays, teacher birthdays. Just did my sister's weddding cake. Kids clothes are picked out and organized for the entire week on Sundays. We don't really outsource any household chores - I mow the lawn and keep up a veggie garden. DH does laundry, kids and I fold and everyone puts their own clothes away. Kids all have chores starting by age 3-4 (feed/walk dogs, empty room garbage cans, load dishwasher, etc). DH and I have staggered schedules so our kids are rarely in aftercare and the youngest is in a home daycare for less than 5 hours/day. Both of our commutes are less than 15 minutes. Not sure what you mean by office BS. I do my job and have great coworkers. I'm extremely connected with my kids. Between DH and I we usually make it to most daytime school events and all night time events. I even organize a program at the school and coach one of the teams each year. We have scheduled Friday Family Fun night - kids pick out movie or game. All other nights, we have several hours of play time/reading time together or they have activities. DH and I take a few weekend trips or a week vacation together each year and have date nights about once a month. We also go on vacation with the kids. Oh, and no medicating here. I rarely take an aspirin. I don't drink or do any type of drug or prescription meds.

Come on, you can admit you're jealous! Let's be real...the PC police aren't watching!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes for a better marriage to have a high earner and the other parent do most everything else. Most of the women that complain on this forum are resentful because things they work+do everything.

or two middle earners that share the household and kid duties. This way your kids get more equal attention from each parent and not just the SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The career! I want to use my brain and feel smart and successful and independent. I don't need a man to give me $.

Me too! I applaud your ambition. FF 10 years and let's go crazy and say you have 5 kids. Two ambition driven careers expecting crazy hours is not a work/life balance. Reality. Kids need parenting which usually mean females mommy track or SAH or they marry less ambitious males. Just my opinion.

Advice to young women. Think about this and choose your path.

Then don't have 5 kids! jeesh!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, then you don't know me or all of my working mom friends. I work at a job I LOVE and I'm good at. I have a well respected position and I'm climbing the ranks in an environment that currently has little movement. I am far from a haggard mess. I work out 6 days a week and have a killer body. I dress professionally every day and even while on maternity took a shower every day and dressed nice. I run 10-12 extreme races each year. I'm extremely organized at work and at home. Our meals are planned out each week, I cook mainly from scratch, and I make/decorate professional looking cakes for holidays, kids' birthdays, teacher birthdays. Just did my sister's weddding cake. Kids clothes are picked out and organized for the entire week on Sundays. We don't really outsource any household chores - I mow the lawn and keep up a veggie garden. DH does laundry, kids and I fold and everyone puts their own clothes away. Kids all have chores starting by age 3-4 (feed/walk dogs, empty room garbage cans, load dishwasher, etc). DH and I have staggered schedules so our kids are rarely in aftercare and the youngest is in a home daycare for less than 5 hours/day. Both of our commutes are less than 15 minutes. Not sure what you mean by office BS. I do my job and have great coworkers. I'm extremely connected with my kids. Between DH and I we usually make it to most daytime school events and all night time events. I even organize a program at the school and coach one of the teams each year. We have scheduled Friday Family Fun night - kids pick out movie or game. All other nights, we have several hours of play time/reading time together or they have activities. DH and I take a few weekend trips or a week vacation together each year and have date nights about once a month. We also go on vacation with the kids. Oh, and no medicating here. I rarely take an aspirin. I don't drink or do any type of drug or prescription meds.

Come on, you can admit you're jealous!

You forgot to mention your unicorn. If you don't have one, nobody is going to be jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how all the working moms profess a great love of their jobs (hear them roar!). Yet in real life every working mom I know is a haggard mess, waking up early, commuting and spending all day dealing with office BS instead of remaining connected with family/kids. These are the same women who are medicating (pills, alcohol, etc.) and who rarely see their husband and kids. In the real world, often these are the folks who wind up divorced. And, divorce for a working woman ain't a cake-walk. Let's at least be real here ladies. Don't worry, the PC police aren't watching.

Well, then you don't know me or all of my working mom friends. I work at a job I LOVE and I'm good at. I have a well respected position and I'm climbing the ranks in an environment that currently has little movement. I am far from a haggard mess. I work out 6 days a week and have a killer body. I dress professionally every day and even while on maternity took a shower every day and dressed nice. I run 10-12 extreme races each year. I'm extremely organized at work and at home. Our meals are planned out each week, I cook mainly from scratch, and I make/decorate professional looking cakes for holidays, kids' birthdays, teacher birthdays. Just did my sister's weddding cake. Kids clothes are picked out and organized for the entire week on Sundays. We don't really outsource any household chores - I mow the lawn and keep up a veggie garden. DH does laundry, kids and I fold and everyone puts their own clothes away. Kids all have chores starting by age 3-4 (feed/walk dogs, empty room garbage cans, load dishwasher, etc). DH and I have staggered schedules so our kids are rarely in aftercare and the youngest is in a home daycare for less than 5 hours/day. Both of our commutes are less than 15 minutes. Not sure what you mean by office BS. I do my job and have great coworkers. I'm extremely connected with my kids. Between DH and I we usually make it to most daytime school events and all night time events. I even organize a program at the school and coach one of the teams each year. We have scheduled Friday Family Fun night - kids pick out movie or game. All other nights, we have several hours of play time/reading time together or they have activities. DH and I take a few weekend trips or a week vacation together each year and have date nights about once a month. We also go on vacation with the kids. Oh, and no medicating here. I rarely take an aspirin. I don't drink or do any type of drug or prescription meds.

Come on, you can admit you're jealous!

It's "Between DH and me"; otherwise, you're perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, then you don't know me or all of my working mom friends. I work at a job I LOVE and I'm good at. I have a well respected position and I'm climbing the ranks in an environment that currently has little movement. I am far from a haggard mess. I work out 6 days a week and have a killer body. I dress professionally every day and even while on maternity took a shower every day and dressed nice. I run 10-12 extreme races each year. I'm extremely organized at work and at home. Our meals are planned out each week, I cook mainly from scratch, and I make/decorate professional looking cakes for holidays, kids' birthdays, teacher birthdays. Just did my sister's weddding cake. Kids clothes are picked out and organized for the entire week on Sundays. We don't really outsource any household chores - I mow the lawn and keep up a veggie garden. DH does laundry, kids and I fold and everyone puts their own clothes away. Kids all have chores starting by age 3-4 (feed/walk dogs, empty room garbage cans, load dishwasher, etc). DH and I have staggered schedules so our kids are rarely in aftercare and the youngest is in a home daycare for less than 5 hours/day. Both of our commutes are less than 15 minutes. Not sure what you mean by office BS. I do my job and have great coworkers. I'm extremely connected with my kids. Between DH and I we usually make it to most daytime school events and all night time events. I even organize a program at the school and coach one of the teams each year. We have scheduled Friday Family Fun night - kids pick out movie or game. All other nights, we have several hours of play time/reading time together or they have activities. DH and I take a few weekend trips or a week vacation together each year and have date nights about once a month. We also go on vacation with the kids. Oh, and no medicating here. I rarely take an aspirin. I don't drink or do any type of drug or prescription meds.

Come on, you can admit you're jealous!

You forgot to mention your unicorn. If you don't have one, nobody is going to be jealous.

Damn it!! I knew there was something missing in my life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how all the working moms profess a great love of their jobs (hear them roar!). Yet in real life every working mom I know is a haggard mess, waking up early, commuting and spending all day dealing with office BS instead of remaining connected with family/kids. These are the same women who are medicating (pills, alcohol, etc.) and who rarely see their husband and kids. In the real world, often these are the folks who wind up divorced. And, divorce for a working woman ain't a cake-walk. Let's at least be real here ladies. Don't worry, the PC police aren't watching.

Well, then you don't know me or all of my working mom friends. I work at a job I LOVE and I'm good at. I have a well respected position and I'm climbing the ranks in an environment that currently has little movement. I am far from a haggard mess. I work out 6 days a week and have a killer body. I dress professionally every day and even while on maternity took a shower every day and dressed nice. I run 10-12 extreme races each year. I'm extremely organized at work and at home. Our meals are planned out each week, I cook mainly from scratch, and I make/decorate professional looking cakes for holidays, kids' birthdays, teacher birthdays. Just did my sister's weddding cake. Kids clothes are picked out and organized for the entire week on Sundays. We don't really outsource any household chores - I mow the lawn and keep up a veggie garden. DH does laundry, kids and I fold and everyone puts their own clothes away. Kids all have chores starting by age 3-4 (feed/walk dogs, empty room garbage cans, load dishwasher, etc). DH and I have staggered schedules so our kids are rarely in aftercare and the youngest is in a home daycare for less than 5 hours/day. Both of our commutes are less than 15 minutes. Not sure what you mean by office BS. I do my job and have great coworkers. I'm extremely connected with my kids. Between DH and I we usually make it to most daytime school events and all night time events. I even organize a program at the school and coach one of the teams each year. We have scheduled Friday Family Fun night - kids pick out movie or game. All other nights, we have several hours of play time/reading time together or they have activities. DH and I take a few weekend trips or a week vacation together each year and have date nights about once a month. We also go on vacation with the kids. Oh, and no medicating here. I rarely take an aspirin. I don't drink or do any type of drug or prescription meds.

Come on, you can admit you're jealous!

It's "Between DH and me"; otherwise, you're perfect.

Not perfect, just happy as a clam and not a haggrd mess heading for divorc court. I should get some leniency though. I was a science and math major.