Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is small -- like 5th percentile small and he's an end of July bday (so he's the 5th percentile for kids who were born in JULY!!). But, he's a full year ahead in reading and math. He's was bored in kindy and is now bored in 1st grade. He's not a genius or profoundly gifted. Just a kid who was read to a lot who "gets" numbers and does pretty well with books. Maturity-wise I seriously considered holding him back in the summer before he was supposed to start kinder. His preschool teacher said he was ready to move on.... I was like "really???? Are you SURE??" And she was like "yes. I would tell you different if he wasn't ready."

Well, we bit the bullet and sent him into kinder. So far, it's been fine. In every class there are kids on different social speeds. It's not just the olders hanging together and the youngers hanging together. Kids find the other kids who are on the same level. He seems to get along well in groups both in school and on soccer team.

While it would be nice if he was a Dec./Jan. bday and just as big as all the other kids (instead of being a shrimp). It would have been a real disservice to hold him back academically. He's already scored at the top of the chart for the GT placement test. I can't imagine him being in kindergarten this year.

If your preschool teacher is saying he's ready and/or you think he's ready, but you're just worried about him being small, I'd say don't hold him back. If he's having trouble relating to other kids and/or has trouble responding in class or formulating ideas, then maybe it would be good to hold him back.

Come back when your kid hits middle school and report back on how he's doing. Thats when the difference really shows up.

I have met many parents who are trying to figure out how to get their kid to lose a year as they approach high school (changing schools is about the best and only way). They are proud that their kid is so smart when they start out but they see them struggle socially and in sports later.

+1 -- from a mom of 2 young men (now in college) with summer birthdays

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP quoted --- I don't think I'll be worrying about my DS struggling with sports as a middle schooler since he's pretty bad at sports right now. Unlikely that he'll be on a sports team 7 years from now. AS for social issues -- DS seems to get along just fine. In every class there are kids across the social spectrum and he seems to find friends who fit him. I'm not worried about that.

Could there be challenges -- sure. EVERY kid has his/her issues. I'm sure we did the right thing, even though I had serious reservations when we were approaching kindergarten. There's no guarantee that DS would have no challenges/problems if we held him back. I believe he's capable. He believes he's capable. That goes a long way.

Maturity is not always related to bday... I have another child with a Dec. bday and that child is not very mature -- tends to get along with the kids who have summer-Sept. bdays (i.e. the youngest in the class). There was never a consideration to hold our DEC. bday child back -- but that child will probably always be an outlier in the social scene whereas July bday child fits right in the pack. Dec. bday would have fit better socially if we held him/her back. We can't engineer a perfect solution to all social interactions. We just have to manage the issues as they come.

[Anonymous]

Nephews--October bday and August bday. Both sent on time. Made them back-to-back in school even though they are close to two years apart.

August boy---better academically and athletically. He got a sports scholarship AND an academic scholarship for next year. October boy is no slouch--made Dean's list first year in college--but never excelled as much as younger brother (one of the youngest in his class). The younger one is the more responsible one too.

Cases can be made. However, I am against holding back 'just because'.

Also--if you asked me about my second-born last Septemver I would have seriously questioned his ability for K this coming Fall. The strides he's made from Sept-May of this year are truly remarkable just like most preschoolers his age. Even from now until September these preschoolers are maturing and developing. You can't go in and look at a K class now (at the end of the school year) and think my kid won't hack it. These are NOT th same kids that started in September.

[Anonymous]

Holding your kid back "just because" infuriates me. It throws the whole system off and is probably the reason kindergarten isn't what it used to be. If your child is of age and has no issues, send the kid on time!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holding your kid back "just because" infuriates me. It throws the whole system off and is probably the reason kindergarten isn't what it used to be. If your child is of age and has no issues, send the kid on time!!!!

However, if your child has issues (other than being small) that affect his/her social interactions and ability to learn, then holding back is a valid option.

[Anonymous]

We sent my daughter as early entrance. Cut off was Sept 1st and she was Sept 5th. Her preschool teacher recommended it and she passed the test. I was nervous to do it but she was mature, reading, 90% percentile. So she could do it. What worried me was later years. Youngest in class, youngest starting middle school. Starting high school at 13 with boys that are 18 (yikes!) last to get her drivers license, and the most important: one less year with me which I know once she is 17, I will wish to have back.

But that all said, she was ready and it is unfair to keep kids that are ready in preschool another year. So we let her go and it was the best decision. She is now in 7th grade and in Honors Algebra, top of her class and now in a great all girls private school. She excels in sports and is probably the 6th tallest in her class.

I say send him. You can always pull him out by Januwary if it is a major issue and try again. Once you skip the year you will never get it back.

The main reasons I see parents hold boys back is for sports reasons related to size. That makes me sick. I wish schools would have a cut off.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about that. There's always a gap year/prep year kids can take before college. No one says you have to start college right after high school. Not to mention, you could always switch schools and repeat a grade later on.

[Anonymous]

My son's birthday is six days before the cut off. Due to his behavior at the time (later diagnosed as ADHD and ODD) we decided to hold him back from K when he was "supposed" to go. He's in K now, so I don't have much to add in terms of OP's original question re: how are they doing many years later, but this was absolutely the right call for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is small -- like 5th percentile small and he's an end of July bday (so he's the 5th percentile for kids who were born in JULY!!). But, he's a full year ahead in reading and math. He's was bored in kindy and is now bored in 1st grade. He's not a genius or profoundly gifted. Just a kid who was read to a lot who "gets" numbers and does pretty well with books. Maturity-wise I seriously considered holding him back in the summer before he was supposed to start kinder. His preschool teacher said he was ready to move on.... I was like "really???? Are you SURE??" And she was like "yes. I would tell you different if he wasn't ready."

Well, we bit the bullet and sent him into kinder. So far, it's been fine. In every class there are kids on different social speeds. It's not just the olders hanging together and the youngers hanging together. Kids find the other kids who are on the same level. He seems to get along well in groups both in school and on soccer team.

While it would be nice if he was a Dec./Jan. bday and just as big as all the other kids (instead of being a shrimp). It would have been a real disservice to hold him back academically. He's already scored at the top of the chart for the GT placement test. I can't imagine him being in kindergarten this year.

If your preschool teacher is saying he's ready and/or you think he's ready, but you're just worried about him being small, I'd say don't hold him back. If he's having trouble relating to other kids and/or has trouble responding in class or formulating ideas, then maybe it would be good to hold him back.

Come back when your kid hits middle school and report back on how he's doing. Thats when the difference really shows up.

I have met many parents who are trying to figure out how to get their kid to lose a year as they approach high school (changing schools is about the best and only way). They are proud that their kid is so smart when they start out but they see them struggle socially and in sports later.

Times 1000!! We are considering switching schools so our son can attend 9th grade again. He was smart as hell in elementary and middle, but he was NOT mature enough to handle high school. I wish, wish, wish we'd held him back. I've never met a parent who regretted holding their kid back, they only regret sending them too early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Age of consent in Virginia is 15. If one person's age is 14 and the other person is 4 years or older than it is statutory rape.

OK, in SC & Texas they passed a law that there was no grounds for statutory rape if it was followed by marriage! Those teens marry young!

[Anonymous]

For us it has been difficult, stressful, isolating you name it. We bought the bill of goods that our son would "catch up!" Our DS started K at 6.5, so that he turned 7 in the spring of K. He has always been the oldest, the tallest and academically, the slowest. He could not fully write his name at the end of K. He did not really read until the end of 2nd grade and he was 9! He has had every intervention there is and has been on meds since he was 4. Now we are in 8th grade with a 15 year old who is just slow, has zero friends at school, and is somewhat secretive about his age with other kids because they assume he was held back for failing. He never does seem to catch up. He is in the slow group for pretty much everything and does not have any interest in sports. I don't know what I could have done differently as he could never have managed to be in the grade above where he is now. He would be even more lost. It's pretty depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us it has been difficult, stressful, isolating you name it. We bought the bill of goods that our son would "catch up!" Our DS started K at 6.5, so that he turned 7 in the spring of K. He has always been the oldest, the tallest and academically, the slowest. He could not fully write his name at the end of K. He did not really read until the end of 2nd grade and he was 9! He has had every intervention there is and has been on meds since he was 4. Now we are in 8th grade with a 15 year old who is just slow, has zero friends at school, and is somewhat secretive about his age with other kids because they assume he was held back for failing. He never does seem to catch up. He is in the slow group for pretty much everything and does not have any interest in sports. I don't know what I could have done differently as he could never have managed to be in the grade above where he is now. He would be even more lost. It's pretty depressing.

What is he on meds for? Could that be the problem. Maybe take him off? I can feel your frustration. I hope he gets better. Have you found a good tutor for him?

[Anonymous]

No one complains about the slow child who's held back and has a summer birthday. A spring birthday I can see as being a bit odd but after a while no one cares. I don't think the child on meds would have any more friends though if they started earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one complains about the slow child who's held back and has a summer birthday. A spring birthday I can see as being a bit odd but after a while no one cares. I don't think the child on meds would have any more friends though if they started earlier.

Anything beyond late August/September without a documented problem is crazy to me. I think when a kid is 5 by the first day of school they should be mandated to enroll unless they have proper medical documentation. No enrolling should be a delinquency.

Lets get K back to what K is supposed to be. Having kids turn 7 during the academic k school year in public is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one complains about the slow child who's held back and has a summer birthday. A spring birthday I can see as being a bit odd but after a while no one cares. I don't think the child on meds would have any more friends though if they started earlier.

Anything beyond late August/September without a documented problem is crazy to me. I think when a kid is 5 by the first day of school they should be mandated to enroll unless they have proper medical documentation. No enrolling should be a delinquency.

Lets get K back to what K is supposed to be. Having kids turn 7 during the academic k school year in public is ridiculous.

Delinquency. Wow.

By the way, I suspect that these parents demanding that any child held back must have a specific diagnosis are the same parents who think clinicians are overdiagnosing children.