S/O being excluded from birthday parties

[Anonymous]

OP and her husband made a parenting mistake. The problem at hand and the way they dealt with it was a mistake- they should have not let the daughter attend the other girls party and explained basic social etiquette (in 7 yo terms of course).
That being said, it was just that- a mistake. No one needs to be name calling. OP, you're rebuttals and remarks have been off-base and childish, and that's why people have been fueling the fire more than necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

I think you're ignoring that most people, myself included, think the fault here lies with YOU, not your daughter. I do agree that people calling her names are out of line - for cryin' out loud people, she's 7. But all the more reason for an adult to steer her in the right direction. And unfortunately, you failed her. But you seem incapable of any sort of mature self-reflection.

No, that's where you're wrong. You have no standing to assign "fault" because no wrong was done. Your perspective simply isn't valid. I didn't "fail" her. Where do you get that?

Please tell me what the lesson is in demanding a child invite someone to her party she doesn't want to have there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and her husband made a parenting mistake. The problem at hand and the way they dealt with it was a mistake- they should have not let the daughter attend the other girls party and explained basic social etiquette (in 7 yo terms of course).
That being said, it was just that- a mistake. No one needs to be name calling. OP, you're rebuttals and remarks have been off-base and childish, and that's why people have been fueling the fire more than necessary.

Uh, no. There was no parenting mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

I think you're ignoring that most people, myself included, think the fault here lies with YOU, not your daughter. I do agree that people calling her names are out of line - for cryin' out loud people, she's 7. But all the more reason for an adult to steer her in the right direction. And unfortunately, you failed her. But you seem incapable of any sort of mature self-reflection.

No wrong was done???? In your very first post, you said "I bet those other parents despise us." OP, you KNOW your daughter did something that wasn't nice. Now, you just covering up.
No, that's where you're wrong. You have no standing to assign "fault" because no wrong was done. Your perspective simply isn't valid. I didn't "fail" her. Where do you get that?

Please tell me what the lesson is in demanding a child invite someone to her party she doesn't want to have there?

[Anonymous]

White peoples' problem, who gives a shit?

[Anonymous]

PP here. I guess my questions go to OP plus Poster #3. Many posters here have been calling the little girl names. LITTLE GIRL, people. Now, perhaps, OP and Poster #3, you know how the parents of the the other little "potty-mouthed" girl feel? LITTLE GIRL, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost never invited to b-day parties. He has Asperger's and a hard time socially. Frankly, when I've seen other kids his age at birthday parties or when he does actually go to one or at his own (small) parties, he's no more or less offensive than the other kids. But I know he's hard to take (most kids don't want to discuss his obsessions of course). He loves being around other kids and I can't think it doesn't hurt his feelings to hear the other kids talk about parties. I understand why he's not at the top of the invitee list, but it sure is hard.

I'm the dad of the 5-girl party getting flamed left and right here.

Let me just say that my dd, who has been alternately deemed a mean girl, a bitch, and a whole hosts of other nasties by the superior mothers on this board, counts a boy with asperger's in her class as one of her closest friends. In fact, she talked about inviting him to her party but decided he wouldn't like getting manicures and pedicures with a bunch of girls. So, we took him out to dinner with us one night separately.

What a little cold bitch, eh?

I think you're ignoring that most people, myself included, think the fault here lies with YOU, not your daughter. I do agree that people calling her names are out of line - for cryin' out loud people, she's 7. But all the more reason for an adult to steer her in the right direction. And unfortunately, you failed her. But you seem incapable of any sort of mature self-reflection.

No, that's where you're wrong. You have no standing to assign "fault" because no wrong was done. Your perspective simply isn't valid. I didn't "fail" her. Where do you get that?

Please tell me what the lesson is in demanding a child invite someone to her party she doesn't want to have there?

No wrong was done???? In your very first post, you said "I bet those other parents despise us." OP, you KNOW your daughter did something that wasn't nice. Now, you just covering up.
No, that's where you're wrong. You have no standing to assign "fault" because no wrong was done. Your perspective simply isn't valid. I didn't "fail" her. Where do you get that?

[Anonymous]

15:34-
Are you the OP? "Uh, no." is childish. My point.

[Anonymous]

You people are crazy! Dad DID tell the kid she should invite the other girl. The daughter declined. How the hell was dad supposed to know how the daughter was going to react when confronted at school the following Monday?? There is NO WAY for him to know that! This is crazy. She didn't invite the kid to her party of FIVE. The other kid sounds like she invited a whole group. This is crazy making.
For what it's worth, this is why I plan to always invite the whole class. I don't ever want to go there. But she had every right to attend a party she was invited to AND have the party she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:everyone keeps losing sight of the real problem here, which is the the dad allowed 5-person-party-girl to be a total hypocrite. no one cares that she didn't invite the other girl to her party. the fact that she was rude when confronted sucks but it really isn't the main problem either.

the problem is that the PP said it was ok to not invite this little girl because, essentially, his daughter DIDN'T LIKE HER, but that it was then ok to still go to that girl's party anyway.

Never said DD didn't like the other girl. She said the other girl had a potty mouth and she didn't want that talk at her own birthday party. Are you so dense that you can't grasp the distinction?

Let me ask you something: Have you reciprocated every single birthday invitation your 7-yo child has received? Unless your record is 100% here, you are being sanctimonious in your criticism here. The only thing about this that made it awkward was the birthdays were the same weekend. Had they been three months separated, you wouldn't say boo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:34-
Are you the OP? "Uh, no." is childish. My point.

Yes it was. Forgive me for attempting to put things in terms you might understand.

[Anonymous]

So, OP and Poster #3, how do think that other little girl felt? Do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so up in arms that someone allowed their child to invite just 5 people to her birthday party. Just because this other girl had a party that same weekend doesn't mean the OP had to change their plans. She had a 5 person party. What's the big deal? Are people not allowed to have small parties anymore? And if you opt for a small party, but someone else didn't, that means you can't go to that party? That doesn't make sense to me.

Please read the thread. This is NOT about small parties (I think small parties are great, personally). This is about defending your 7 year old DD's decision to exclude a girl from her birthday party, even as the DD attended other girl's birthday party that very same weekend.

I did read the thread. And it does seem like people are more concerned that the invitation wasn't reciprocated. That because she got to go to the other girl's party, that other girl should have been able to go to hers. I don't think that's necessarily true. People decide what size parties they want to have. She had her 5 person party. The other girl had a larger party. What in god's name is the problem? This is like saying, "You invited me to your wedding. I chose to attend that wedding. Now, even though I'm having a family-only wedding, I have to invite you to my wedding because I went to yours." No sense.

I think you're missing the point that the girl specifically wanted to exclude the other girl - and had no qualms about telling her that - while at the same time going to the other girl's party. I think it would have been a whole other issue if it really was limited to just 5 girls and the mother said, sorry, you only get 5 and the other girl didn't make the cut - which is similar to your wedding example. However, the mom (OP) specifically said that after they got the other girl's invite, she told her daughter they'd make room for the other girl. the dd said no because of XYZ. Then turns around and goes to her party. Does that now make sense?

Hold on there, buster. You just said dd "had no qualms about telling her that."

In fact, dd didn't say anything about it until she was *put on the spot* by the other child who demanded to know why she hadn't been invited. By all of YOUR reasoning, she's a rude little witch because she put dd on the spot.

And for that matter, the third party girl who marched up to the excuded girl and told her ALL about the second party is a bitch too. By your reasoning, that is.

My dd didn't say a THING until confronted. She should have said, "I'm so sorry, my guest list was small and set before I received your invitation" but she is 7 years old so she said what she really thought.

Think what you want, but please stop asigning malice here. You're awful. Beyond awful.

And it's your job as her mom to teach her how to respond in these situations. You should have told her if the other girl asked, or any other child for that matter, that the nice and polite thing to do was just say that she could only have 5 girls attend.

[Anonymous]

This nutty poster and her husband are a piece of work. How can they continue to justify that it was ok for their DD to attend the party of a kid that she didn't like?

Susie is not cool enough to come to my party, but I will go to her party, eat her food, play with her friends and have fun on her parents' dime, but she is not good enough to come to my house and socialize on my dime.

How do they not get that this is what PPs are essentially saying. Wade through the name calling, and read between the lines for the main idea!

[Anonymous]

People. The poster you are attacking left and right is the girl's DAD. Keep up. Pay attention.