Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DS is currently engaged but his fiancée and her parents are making all the wedding plans and decisions. DH and I really seem to have no say in the matter. The bride’s parents are pinging us regularly asking us to write a check to cover some of the costs – they’re wanting about $100K to cover a small portion and for that, they will let us design the wedding cake and nothing more.

Why would you insist on a say in the matter? It's the couple's wedding, not yours. You already had your big day. Stop being controlling.

I can think of 100K reasons to insist on a say in the matter. I’m not paying $100K just to get a say in the design of the freakin’ cake!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DS is currently engaged but his fiancée and her parents are making all the wedding plans and decisions. DH and I really seem to have no say in the matter. The bride’s parents are pinging us regularly asking us to write a check to cover some of the costs – they’re wanting about $100K to cover a small portion and for that, they will let us design the wedding cake and nothing more.

Why would you insist on a say in the matter? It's the couple's wedding, not yours. You already had your big day. Stop being controlling.

I can think of 100K reasons to insist on a say in the matter. I’m not paying $100K just to get a say in the design of the freakin’ cake!!

your kids are likely the ones who will want to elope and not have you around for the wedding!

We contribute to our kids because we love them and can afford to. But anyone getting married is an adult and capable of making their own choices.

We will give what we can afford, and our kids and their future spouse will get to decide how to spend it.
Now since we can afford to fully fund it, we will ask that we get to invite some of our friends as well, but this will only be friends who our kids know well (not random work colleagues our kids have never met) and it will only be 10-12 people. But if our kids say, "no we want a wedding with only 30-40 people you cannot invite friends" we would be okay with that as well. But if they want a 200 person event, then yes we will discuss inviting joint friends (these are people our kids have known for 15+ years and are friends with the friend's kids as well)

But you don't use purse strings to control your adult kids. Unless you don't want to be apart of their lives in the future. That is the fastest way to ensure you don't get much access to your future grandkids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

no it is something most people think about. I give differently if attending a wedding that costs $300/person versus $100/person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

no it is something most people think about. I give differently if attending a wedding that costs $300/person versus $100/person.

That's ridiculous. You are not being invited to reimburse the hosts.

[Anonymous]

The people paying for their kids’ weddings are suckers and most likely visit Mara lar go (or what ever it is called).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

I wouldn’t be able to afford giving $800 to a close relative, let alone a former neighbor.

We got married in 1994 and our wedding cost about 1,500. We split it three ways between us and our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

I’ve never thought paying for the wedding to be the job of the guests. That’s a very novel concept to me. How much someone chooses to spend on their wedding is on them.

[Anonymous]

I can see the usual brigade has come out full steam offended. But here's the thing. This is closer to the reality. Most weddings are still planned by the bride and her family. Groom input ranges from nicely involved to turn up on the day in a tuxedo. There are plenty of exceptions including where the couple plans the wedding instead of the parents.

But the majority of weddings are still dominated by the bride and her family. Unless the groom's family is significantly wealthier and in that case they can quite often take over the wedding.

Just ask any experienced weddings planner how the real world operates.

You keep making the same claims but offer zero support. So yes, this is just your outdated opinion. Anecdotally, I have daughters and the grooms have been extremely involved in the planning - one had way more opinions than my DD.

[Anonymous]

The experience is years working at a bridal gown shop.

Which is relevant to wedding planning how? How ridiculous - it’s only relevant to choosing a dress, which no one expects to involve tge groom.

[Anonymous]

two boys 16/19 and we will contribute if needed. We will probably be in a position to give a huge chunk, but without strings. Hopefully they will use for a down payment on a home or invest it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

no it is something most people think about. I give differently if attending a wedding that costs $300/person versus $100/person.

That's ridiculous. You are not being invited to reimburse the hosts.

Has this become the expectation? The last few weddings we have been invited to had things on the registry specific to the wedding, plus the honeymoon flight, AirBnB, dinners, etc. The registry was like a Sign-Up Genius of sorts with a number of slots available at specified payment amounts to pay for each item. I think we even saw an ask for money towards a house down payment and another couple, who already have a house, asked for money to go towards landscaping.

We held the wedding we could afford and didn’t go on a honeymoon because we couldn’t afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

I’ve never thought paying for the wedding to be the job of the guests. That’s a very novel concept to me. How much someone chooses to spend on their wedding is on them.

So if I go out to a steak house with you and bill is $500 for two of us I guess I can pay $50 as I don’t have to cover the plate.

My cheapest guest was my cheap ass one uncle who gave $75 at my wedding for two people on 1998. Cost me close to $300 for two of them, my wife was spitting fire writing thank you note.

He died last year and my wife goes heard your cheap uncle died. Like 9/11 wonen never forget who gave cheapest gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a couple can’t afford to pay for their own wedding, they aren’t ready to get married.

Yes, that may mean downsizing the event, but maybe it will help the couple focus on tbings that are actually important.

A gift check from parents is nice, but only if it is truly a gift and not a way to weasel into planning the wedding.

Except some kids would prefer to just elope, yet their parents want to be there. My aunt and uncle refused to give their son (gave their daughter 50k the year before) any money for his wedding and he eloped instead. They were devastated. Actions have consequences. A lot of parents have massive demands. You can't demand anything when it's not your own wedding.

Except some places like Long Island and New Jersey people write the check at the reception, I would give $1,000 at a fancy wedding the one where there are food trucks and tap beer I might give tops $200 bucks. So cheap weddings can cost more. The trick is not to go over the top, but not so cheap people give you $100 buck gifts.

Wow. How well do you know these people? $100 seems like a pretty good gift, depending on how close you are to them.

$100? Are you on crack? Also closeness does not matter that much. I went to an old neighbors daughters wedding of a women we have not seen in 8 years. Just me, wife and younger daughter. I gave $800 and thought cheap as nice weddings are at least $250 a person. A few weeks early went to my nephews really fancy wedding the three of us gave $1,000 and that wedding must have been $350 a person so I was actually cheap.

Even a DJ, tent, open bar, decorations, catered food in backyard is above $100 a person

I hardly call covering my plate overly generous.

Generous was in 1998 at my wedding which was $150 a person I got a few $500 to $1,000 per couple gifts. Most gave $200 a couple which was nice but not overly generous and one or two gave $75 which was FU money even in 1998.

Covering your plate is a low class Long Island gypsy mentality.

I’ve never thought paying for the wedding to be the job of the guests. That’s a very novel concept to me. How much someone chooses to spend on their wedding is on them.

So if I go out to a steak house with you and bill is $500 for two of us I guess I can pay $50 as I don’t have to cover the plate.

My cheapest guest was my cheap ass one uncle who gave $75 at my wedding for two people on 1998. Cost me close to $300 for two of them, my wife was spitting fire writing thank you note.

He died last year and my wife goes heard your cheap uncle died. Like 9/11 wonen never forget who gave cheapest gift

You are tacky as hell.

[Anonymous]

No. I hope not. Many of my affluent friends are.