Reply to Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our DS is currently engaged but his fiancée and her parents are making all the wedding plans and decisions. DH and I really seem to have no say in the matter. The bride’s parents are pinging us regularly asking us to write a check to cover some of the costs – they’re wanting about $100K to cover a small portion and for that, they will let us design the wedding cake and nothing more.[/quote]

Why would you insist on a say in the matter? It's the couple's wedding, not yours. You already had your big day. Stop being controlling.[/quote]

I can think of 100K reasons to insist on a say in the matter. I’m not paying $100K just to get a say in the design of the freakin’ cake!![/quote]

your kids are likely the ones who will want to elope and not have you around for the wedding!

We contribute to our kids because we love them and can afford to.  But anyone getting married is an adult and capable of making their own choices.

We will give what we can afford, and our kids and their future spouse will get to decide how to spend it.  
Now since we can afford to fully fund it, we will ask that we get to invite some of our friends as well, but this will only be friends who our kids know well (not random work colleagues our kids have never met) and it will only be 10-12 people.  But if our kids say, "no we want a wedding with only 30-40 people you cannot invite friends" we would be okay with that as well.  But if they want a 200 person event, then yes we will discuss inviting joint friends (these are people our kids have known for 15+ years and are friends with the friend's kids as well)

But you don't use purse strings to control your adult kids.  Unless you don't want to be apart of their lives in the future.  That is the fastest way to ensure you don't get much access to your future grandkids as well.  [/quote]

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