Are you paying or contributing to your kids weddings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point is getting together with people you love. It's not, doesn't need to be, about flowers, expensive dress, expensive anything or everything.

How often do people show-up and attend an event that brings loved ones together? Seeing extended family that live far, or friends. A few rare times, if you're lucky, in your lifetime.

We just went to a big family one a couple months ago and it was really nice to catch up with some people I hadn't seen in 10+ years, but at the same time afterwards I had the feeling that since we don't prioritize seeing each other, does it all matter that much? And I don't mean that in a "I don't care about these people and they suck" way, more like I lovingly wish them the absolute best and I'm sure they do the same, but we all have local, immediate ties that matter more. So I wouldn't take it personally if not invited for weddings for all these cousins' kids and such down the line. I think it's totally fine to do weddings on the scale you think is right for you for both finances and personality.

Or just invite the people the bride and groom want at their wedding. Arrange a family reunion or other gathering if you want to gather more of your family. But expecting everyone and their 2nd cousins to be invited to a wedding is not the right thing, unless it's your wedding and you want that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good ratio is: 1/2 of the attendees are Bride & Groom's friends, their peer group. 1/4 are the Bride's family/relatives/friends of parents the parents may want to invite. 1/4 same for the Groom's family/relatives/friends of parents the parents may want to invite.

This is what I would do if, as MOB, our family was paying it all. If the couple is paying it all, I guess they truly get to decide all.

South Asian parent here. We pay for our kids weddings usually. The one piece of advice I heard and adhered to was to have the wedding in a venue that does not have space restriction. There is a reason that certain hotels in DMV become the South Asian wedding hotels. This is mainly so that we do not have to cull the extensive guest list and the hotel can accomodate the elements of Desi weddings.

But what if your kid(s) do not want an 600+ person wedding? what if they actually want to know and truly value each person at their wedding, so they might not want all 100+ of your friends.
Or their cousins cousins sister to attend with their entire family of 9?

South Asians come in all types and I wouldn’t stereotype in the way that the PP is doing. I’ve been to big elaborate South Asian American weddings that the parents fund and smaller ones that the couple funds themselves.

[Anonymous]

On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

It sounds as though you think people should pay for a ticket to a wedding. When you have a party at your home, do you stand at the door and collect an entry fee?

[Anonymous]

My kids are teens but I hope to be in the position to contribute a lump sum to them that the can use for down payment or wedding or both. I also hope that they will prioritize long term investments over a single day but that’s on them. I also suspect one child won’t marry (or have a traditional wedding) so I would gift them the same amount for whatever…

I got married in 2009 and it cost 22k. My parents gifted us 10k and spouses parent hosted rehearsal dinner. While it was a nice event, I can’t even remember much, or all the guests (and we had 80 ppl total).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good ratio is: 1/2 of the attendees are Bride & Groom's friends, their peer group. 1/4 are the Bride's family/relatives/friends of parents the parents may want to invite. 1/4 same for the Groom's family/relatives/friends of parents the parents may want to invite.

This is what I would do if, as MOB, our family was paying it all. If the couple is paying it all, I guess they truly get to decide all.

South Asian parent here. We pay for our kids weddings usually. The one piece of advice I heard and adhered to was to have the wedding in a venue that does not have space restriction. There is a reason that certain hotels in DMV become the South Asian wedding hotels. This is mainly so that we do not have to cull the extensive guest list and the hotel can accomodate the elements of Desi weddings.

But what if your kid(s) do not want an 600+ person wedding? what if they actually want to know and truly value each person at their wedding, so they might not want all 100+ of your friends.
Or their cousins cousins sister to attend with their entire family of 9?

South Asians come in all types and I wouldn’t stereotype in the way that the PP is doing. I’ve been to big elaborate South Asian American weddings that the parents fund and smaller ones that the couple funds themselves.

That tells you something (I'm married to a SA, so I've seen a lot in 30+ years). Many that I know are pushed into a big event because the parents want to show off, but the bride/groom want a somewhat smaller event. We have told our kids we will fund whatever they want--within reason---if they want a 600 person event it will not be the huge grandiose and $500/person event and we are not paying for everyone to attend a destination wedding---we support destination weddings, but beyond immediate family, we are not paying for airfare and hotels, and we can afford it. But if they do a 30-40 person destination wedding, we would pay for hotels for everyone.
I just think the B/G should have a choice, and I often see that it's not a choice in so many weddings. Thankfully, our kids don't want 500+ people, they don't want all the relatives they don't really know or for a 2nd cousin to ask/bring their in-laws (another 6 people), etc. They want a nice wedding where they actually know everyone who comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

It sounds as though you think people should pay for a ticket to a wedding. When you have a party at your home, do you stand at the door and collect an entry fee?

No but if you are rich showing up to your nieces wedding who is blue collar and young at a wedding costing $600 a couple giving a $200 check is insulting,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

It sounds as though you think people should pay for a ticket to a wedding. When you have a party at your home, do you stand at the door and collect an entry fee?

No but if you are rich showing up to your nieces wedding who is blue collar and young at a wedding costing $600 a couple giving a $200 check is insulting,

Why on earth is that blue collar young couple having a wedding costing $600 a plate? Where did they even get that money from? If the money came from their parents I'm not sure why I'm paying the couple back for it in gifts. If they're paying for it out of pocket and aren't rich themselves that sounds irresponsible/tacky.

Also you seem to be describing an inefficient runaround weath transfer taxes. Instead of the parents paying the children $100k they instead pay a wedding venue and then all the guests pay back $500 to the couple lol. I guess that does avoid reducing the estate tax exemption and everyone gets to eat steak and cake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I earmarked $100k for each child (DD and DS). If one of them goes for a smaller wedding, I will probably give them the rest in cash.

Wasteful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I earmarked $100k for each child (DD and DS). If one of them goes for a smaller wedding, I will probably give them the rest in cash.

Wasteful

Why is it "wasteful"? I'm a DP, but in our case we plan to spend $200-250K for each kid's wedding (if that is what they want). Why? Because we can afford it. Kids will also get $200-400K for a downpayment, have no debt from college (or graduate school) and our grandkids (if there are any) will have their education fully funded. Because we are rich and believe in spending the money while we are alive and when it benefits our kids the most.

Oh and they will also have trusts worth over $10M each likely a lot more.

It's only wasteful if you cannot afford it.

[Anonymous]

Not a lot of expendable income here. 2 of my 4 kids got married in the last 3 years, and we helped a lot by paying for a lot of the incidentals that added up to about $5,000 for each of them, then gave a generous wedding gift of cash.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, my mom told me her parents paid for her to go to college and that she and my dad would do the same for me. The expectation was that I would in turn do what I could for my children. We were able to pay for most of undergrad and after grad school DC has little debt. There has not been the same expectation for weddings. We wouldn’t be able to contribute very much towards a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

It sounds as though you think people should pay for a ticket to a wedding. When you have a party at your home, do you stand at the door and collect an entry fee?

No but if you are rich showing up to your nieces wedding who is blue collar and young at a wedding costing $600 a couple giving a $200 check is insulting,

It appears the niece spent more than they could afford. Especially if they were assuming everyone would give gifts greater than $600. She should have cut her budget way way back, then she would have no worries at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens but I hope to be in the position to contribute a lump sum to them that the can use for down payment or wedding or both. I also hope that they will prioritize long term investments over a single day but that’s on them. I also suspect one child won’t marry (or have a traditional wedding) so I would gift them the same amount for whatever…

I got married in 2009 and it cost 22k. My parents gifted us 10k and spouses parent hosted rehearsal dinner. While it was a nice event, I can’t even remember much, or all the guests (and we had 80 ppl total).

Don’t forget life is about living it. A wedding is a big event for many couples. . You can’t expect them to worry about 30 years from now when they are just starting out. Let them live a little, don’t overspend, and have a great day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Long Island nice places are now quoting on average $275 to $300 a plate for a Saturday wedding in Spring of 2027.

Remind you that is just the plate. If they have band, DJ, Flowers, limos, booking a church, rehersal dinner, brunch next day out of town guest that is extra.

Dumpy places that are outdated on busy roads for Friday or Sunday night wedding can be had for as little as $130 to $160 a plate.

The really fancy place (most expensive)on Long Island to have a wedding is called Oheka Castle a wedding that is nice on a prime time Saturday night in May or June can run $1,200 a plate.

I went to a wedding at the the Mansion at Glen Cove in 1990 which is a 55-acre estate, Featuring grand ballrooms, elegant outdoor spaces etc. (second most expensive on Long Island) and in 1990 the girl was paying $250 a person!! I gave $300 at the time for me and my GF at the time absolute most I could afford but in reality it cost the couple $200 for me and my GF to go to the wedding.

People who are old (meaning over 55) have no clue how much the weddings can cost today. I am not saying you have to cover plate, but couples giving $200 checks in 2026 at weddings cause when they got married in 1997 that was a great gift are a way out of date.

My wedding back when in olden times a few older widowed Aunts etc. gave $75 bucks and thought that was big money. Granted they got married in the 1950s so to them it was big money. My wedding cost like $110 a place do big deal what was it $35 bucks less than plate cost. They could have paid zero would not have matter.

But today people giving $200 a couple when weddings at just nice decent places on Long Island cost $700 a couple that is bride $500 a couple for you to attend. At that point give a little more or just dont go and send a $100 -$150 check or gift off registery to bride.

By your account I am old, but I have thrown 2 Bar Mitzvah's in the past 8 years, and costs were no where near this high for our large families - 150+ person events. About $35k each. And, we have $100k set aside for each boys wedding. If they don't spend it all, they can use it for a house down payment - their choice.

It's a choice for us, and we are fortunate to have the funds to support our choice