Am I in the wrong here or is my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter probably wants to foster cats because she doesn't get any love from her own mother. She's going to have a bunch of kids to fix her own childhood.

She has always wanted pets since she was little, it's irrelevant. Plus we think of ourselves as not strict parents. We let her have sleepovers whenever she wants, same with hang outs, we let her go to 2 concerts alone with her friends etc..

None of those things are showing love. Love is getting up with your kids in the morning to talk to them before school, being responsive to their needs in the moment (like needing sleep), not playing favorites.

You need a parenting coach.

We are quiet responsive to their needs. We take them on fun trips, have family dinners and get them unlimited books when they ask.

Do you really consider feeding your children some sort of amazing feat? It's like the bare minimum. Do you even like your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plus she is extremely polite and helpful at friends houses - I have received so many comments about her helping with the dishes, being very polite etc..- why cant she do this at her own house?

Probably because she doesn't like or respect you because of everything you've told us today. Can't wait for a "why doesn't my daughter speak to me" post from you in five years.

We do everything for them. Whatever sports they want to do, If they want new books, and we agreed to these foster cats.

LOL you "do everything" for her but you can't feed the cats you're already interacting with in the morning, or feed your own kids during the week because the 15 year old is already awake to take care of the foster cats so why not just have her take care of her siblings while she's at it?

I hope this is a troll, because no adult should sound so immature.

I believe her. Me and several other posters on this thread all had moms like her. My mom was exactly like this and now she's old and alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds amazing. I can’t believe she’s taken on all that responsibility. Even as an adult, that would be a lot. If she mentioned to you previously she was exhausted and you or her sibling were already up, I’d just do what needed to be done and let her sleep.

Oh trust me, she's not.

You are a shitty mother. I could never fathom saying this about any of my kids, and they've had their moments. The buck stops with you and if your daughter is so terrible it's your fault.

I love my daughter but she is far from being an "amazing" daughter. An amazing daughter would do chores without having to be asked, be respectful and speak nicely to her parents etc..

What you’re describing is your idea of perfection. A person doesn’t have to be perfect to be amazing. Your dd is still a child. She’s not supposed to have the emotional maturity of an adult yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plus she is extremely polite and helpful at friends houses - I have received so many comments about her helping with the dishes, being very polite etc..- why cant she do this at her own house?

Probably because she doesn't like or respect you because of everything you've told us today. Can't wait for a "why doesn't my daughter speak to me" post from you in five years.

We do everything for them. Whatever sports they want to do, If they want new books, and we agreed to these foster cats.

Literally who cares? That's not what kids want or need. They want and need to feel loved and accepted by their parents. Your posts are dripping in disdain for your own child. I promise you she senses that and gives it right back. For the love of God read a parenting book during your many hours of "me time" every night.

Like I always tell her: "With you attitude nobody wants to be around you." She knows why. She doesn't change.

This is now clearly in troll land.

But on the off chance it's not...prioritize therapy for yourself, OP. You need support to learn how to parent your child in a way that she will respond to. What you are doing currently obviously isn't working. Regardless of who is right or wrong, no one is happy. Therapy can help you learn how to engage more fruitfully.

I am NOT a troll. I say this because it is true. I don't want her to think her attitude is ok because its not. Ive tried talking to her multiple times but nothing works.

Your attitude is trash. She doesn't have any decent attitudes to model herself after at home, so that's probably why she's a ray of sunshine around other people: she can observe a functional adult woman in her own habitat and behave like her for a change.

[Anonymous]

I mean you guys say she won't talk to me once she's 18 but she's already stressing about living close to us and refuses to go to sleepaway camp. Seems like shes pretty happy with us and just has a problem with her anger and attitude. Its not normal teen behavior when its been going on since she was like 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter is more responsible than 99% of 15 year olds, so I’d start from a place of appreciation of your kid. You may be “right,” but yeah, why couldn’t the people who were already awake feed the cats? As a nice thing to do for a generally good kid?

This. The 15 year old is also clearly articulating a reasonable argument and it sounds like most of the argument was pretty calm. I found it persuasive reading it even though I'm big on responsibility with my own kids.

It also kind of sound like the 15 year old doesn't get enough sleep in general, based on her schedule, and I would probably be focused on the part of this conversation about how she was feeling tired. It sounds like she made really good choices in turning down a sleepover and focusing on rest, and I'd discuss that further and talk about whether they need to adjust her schedule/obligations to prioritize sleep.

I would not care about feeding the cats that one day. Also almost anyone would be grumpy if they are overtired and then woken up before they thought they were getting up. Like even very mature, reasonable adults are grouchy in that situation and I'd give her some leeway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you guys say she won't talk to me once she's 18 but she's already stressing about living close to us and refuses to go to sleepaway camp. Seems like shes pretty happy with us and just has a problem with her anger and attitude. Its not normal teen behavior when its been going on since she was like 10.

And what have you done about it except yell at her and complain about her on the internet? Have you gotten her to therapy? Therapy or parent coaching for yourself? Medication for her? Parents like you put all of the responsibility for behavior and regulation on the CHILD while doing absolutely no work yourself. Oh but god forbid you cut into your movie time.

[Anonymous]

OP: My daughter does 74 things right and wanted to sleep instead of do thing 75, is she a jerk?

Every single poster: She sounds like a great kid!

OP: No you're all wrong, she's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you guys say she won't talk to me once she's 18 but she's already stressing about living close to us and refuses to go to sleepaway camp. Seems like shes pretty happy with us and just has a problem with her anger and attitude. Its not normal teen behavior when its been going on since she was like 10.

You think a fifteen year old who is stressed about moving away to college or slepping away from her family is evidence that she's "pretty happy" when it is actually evidence that you have not formed a secure attachment with your child. That makes sense since you don't spend any time with her and appear to despise her, but the fact that you've raised a kid with anxiety is not a badge of accomplishment. You're a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plus she is extremely polite and helpful at friends houses - I have received so many comments about her helping with the dishes, being very polite etc..- why cant she do this at her own house?

Probably because she doesn't like or respect you because of everything you've told us today. Can't wait for a "why doesn't my daughter speak to me" post from you in five years.

We do everything for them. Whatever sports they want to do, If they want new books, and we agreed to these foster cats.

Literally who cares? That's not what kids want or need. They want and need to feel loved and accepted by their parents. Your posts are dripping in disdain for your own child. I promise you she senses that and gives it right back. For the love of God read a parenting book during your many hours of "me time" every night.

Like I always tell her: "With you attitude nobody wants to be around you." She knows why. She doesn't change.

This is now clearly in troll land.

But on the off chance it's not...prioritize therapy for yourself, OP. You need support to learn how to parent your child in a way that she will respond to. What you are doing currently obviously isn't working. Regardless of who is right or wrong, no one is happy. Therapy can help you learn how to engage more fruitfully.

I am NOT a troll. I say this because it is true. I don't want her to think her attitude is ok because its not. Ive tried talking to her multiple times but nothing works.

You really don't get it. She has the attitude because of how you treat her. You are mean to her, you don't like her and you favor her sister. Why would she be nice to someone who treats her like crap?

See YOU don't get it. She has always been a stubborn and angry child. By angry I mean she's like her dad. Gets angry fast but doesn't last for long. She doesn't seem mad about yesterday morning anymore so it's obviously not as big as a deal as you guys are making it out to be. Anyway, we have always been loving and supporting parents and she talks to us about a lot of things like boyfriends or crushes so she obviously trusts us. It's just when her attitude flares up its bad for the whole family.

Her two most important models for how to regulate emotions are her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you guys say she won't talk to me once she's 18 but she's already stressing about living close to us and refuses to go to sleepaway camp. Seems like shes pretty happy with us and just has a problem with her anger and attitude. Its not normal teen behavior when its been going on since she was like 10.

You think a fifteen year old who is stressed about moving away to college or slepping away from her family is evidence that she's "pretty happy" when it is actually evidence that you have not formed a secure attachment with your child. That makes sense since you don't spend any time with her and appear to despise her, but the fact that you've raised a kid with anxiety is not a badge of accomplishment. You're a terrible parent.

This x1000. OP healthy, happy kids want to go away to college because they know they have a secure base to go home to. Your daughter is anxious and terrified because she isn't loved by her own mother and is thinking to herself how will anyone else ever love me?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sad that people like OP bothered to have children. This poor girl is growing up knowing she's unloved and hated by the person supposed to care for her the most. Heartbreaking for her.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You're still in the wrong after 8 pages of comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should have had the plan made the night before of who would feed the cats if she wanted to sleep in and communicated that to you. You and your other daughter should have been aware of the plan. It’s fine for her to ask someone else to do it for one day but it needed to have been made clear the night before.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you guys say she won't talk to me once she's 18 but she's already stressing about living close to us and refuses to go to sleepaway camp. Seems like shes pretty happy with us and just has a problem with her anger and attitude. Its not normal teen behavior when its been going on since she was like 10.

You think a fifteen year old who is stressed about moving away to college or slepping away from her family is evidence that she's "pretty happy" when it is actually evidence that you have not formed a secure attachment with your child. That makes sense since you don't spend any time with her and appear to despise her, but the fact that you've raised a kid with anxiety is not a badge of accomplishment. You're a terrible parent.

This x1000. OP healthy, happy kids want to go away to college because they know they have a secure base to go home to. Your daughter is anxious and terrified because she isn't loved by her own mother and is thinking to herself how will anyone else ever love me?

I’m not on OP’s side at all, but freshmen in high school generally aren’t ready to go off to college yet. Her dd probably won’t feel the same way in 2-3 years.