Why can’t people who’ve reached a ripe old age be more grateful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seen extremely crabby and unappreciative of the good things and people in your life and yet you haven't committed suicide. Why would you expect someone else to do that just because they're older than you? 🙄 The lack of self awareness here is breathtaking.

That's because my maternal grandmother is still alive and I feel it's wrong for a grandparent to outlive their grandchild. After she dies, I'll be ready to die too. I don't mind if my father outlives me, and I actually want my mother to outlive me, as I feel she's the perfect person to write my obituary and could give a really romantic and emotional speech about me at me funeral/memorial.

BS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about over 75 and women over 80. Most of their same-gender peers are dead and yet a lot of these lucky people do nothing but complain, and also seem to expect favors from much younger who probably aren’t going to live to be their age.

Because they were raised that way. Their parents taught them to be conscious of their elders and to look out for them. They’ve spent their lifetimes helping out elderly relatives and neighbors, so now that they’re elderly, it doesn’t occur to them that nobody wants to help them when they need it.

One time, when I was a kid, my family was walking into a shopping mall when all of a sudden, my dad took off, jogging back into the parking lot. My older brother followed. I wondered what the heck they were doing because the aisle they were jogging to wasn’t even where we’d parked. Then I saw them take a bunch of gallons of paint from a shopping cart and load them into the trunk of a car for two very elderly women. My dad did stuff like that his whole life. After he retired, he developed a real friendship with an elderly WWII veteran who had been captured by the Nazis and survived a POW camp. The man was very old and had no relatives nearby, so my dad regularly visited him to play chess and drove him to all of his medical appointments. Unfortunately, my dad wasn’t blessed with that same longevity, but if he had been, he sure would have been deserving of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, op-their brains are also 80 years old and aren’t working like they use too.

+1
They seem to get a bit self-centered as they age so of course they're not thinking about others and you can't really expect them to, like a child.

There are a lot of reasons to give grace to the elderly, but they are not children, and shouldn’t be treated as such. I know my 82 year old mom would bristle at anyone thinking of her as “like a child.” She lives in the city with a large community of senior citizens who continue to be active and engaged with life.

How is that different from a child? PP’s point isn’t that elderly people know nothing more than a child does or can do nothing that a child can’t do. They’re just pointing out that at both ends of the life cycle, people need more help, and therefore, they prioritize getting their own needs met. There’s nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about over 75 and women over 80. Most of their same-gender peers are dead and yet a lot of these lucky people do nothing but complain, and also seem to expect favors from much younger who probably aren’t going to live to be their age.

Because they were raised that way. Their parents taught them to be conscious of their elders and to look out for them. They’ve spent their lifetimes helping out elderly relatives and neighbors, so now that they’re elderly, it doesn’t occur to them that nobody wants to help them when they need it.

One time, when I was a kid, my family was walking into a shopping mall when all of a sudden, my dad took off, jogging back into the parking lot. My older brother followed. I wondered what the heck they were doing because the aisle they were jogging to wasn’t even where we’d parked. Then I saw them take a bunch of gallons of paint from a shopping cart and load them into the trunk of a car for two very elderly women. My dad did stuff like that his whole life. After he retired, he developed a real friendship with an elderly WWII veteran who had been captured by the Nazis and survived a POW camp. The man was very old and had no relatives nearby, so my dad regularly visited him to play chess and drove him to all of his medical appointments. Unfortunately, my dad wasn’t blessed with that same longevity, but if he had been, he sure would have been deserving of help.

I find the rude elders actually didn't do much caring for the elderly themselves and some of them had charmed lives. For example, my mother had a cushy life and assumed it was up to her siblings to do the heavy lifting with her own parents. Now she is very entitled. My dad wasn't very involved with his aging parents, but he had a lot more adversity in his life early on and he knew what mattered in life. He was appreciative of what we did. Sure he complained0but about aging and aches. He didn't complain about US when we were helping-he was gracious. Mom complains about US and nothing is enough or done right and the guilt trips and manipulations make any efforts to help her exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most people over the age of 70 should be on an anti-depressant. They should at least try it for a year and then evaluate if they are still miserable.

In my family the old people are very cheery. Mostly.

I agree with you. I wish my 79 yo dad agreed to try it, as well as anti anxiety meds. But he is irrationally afraid of those!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about over 75 and women over 80. Most of their same-gender peers are dead and yet a lot of these lucky people do nothing but complain, and also seem to expect favors from much younger who probably aren’t going to live to be their age.

When you get old you do not sleep and everything hurts. Even the “healthy” people that age talk about their medical problems all the time. It is not fun being that old. Do not kid yourself with oh aunt jame is 75, sharp as a tack and in great health.

I agree, which is why I plan on dying before I’m 75. What I can’t understand is people who choose to stay alive at their old age and simultaneously complain about being that age.

Being alive is a gift and most people feel that way, even when they’re physically suffering. No doubt it’s very hard. But their choices are none of your business. Also, you’ve exhibited the same behavior that distresses you throughout this thread. So, maybe take a look in the mirror, take a walk, get some fresh air and perspective. It’s not all about you.

It comes down to a choice between suffering and being dead. If an old person is alive and suffering, that’s their choice and they shouldn’t complain. Now if a young person is alive and suffering, I have sympathy because they haven’t lived a full life, and it makes sense that wouldn’t want to die.

It reminds me of a friend I have. She was child free but got pregnant and she didn’t want to terminate because her bf would dump her but also resented keeping the baby. She ended up choosing not to act and now has a baby.
People are like that. They suffer but they also are too chicken to end the suffering.
Also the instinct of wanting to live is too strong.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I told my parents that if they don’t want me to be rude (and I am trying not to be but sometimes I slip) I’d rather they complain to their friends or the dr or their diary. It’s probably not very kind of me but I can’t take any more complaints from people who don’t have a care in the world except being old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people over the age of 70 should be on an anti-depressant. They should at least try it for a year and then evaluate if they are still miserable.

In my family the old people are very cheery. Mostly.

I agree with you. I wish my 79 yo dad agreed to try it, as well as anti anxiety meds. But he is irrationally afraid of those!

When I set boundaries and my parents started to show their misery to people outside the family, everyone around them pushed meds. They both were entirely different people on meds-kind, appreciative, gracious, enjoyable to be around. Sadly mom kept going off.

I think there are 3 types who become very difficult-those who already had the wiring, those who have extreme pain and discomfort and illness that would make anyone miserable and those who lead charmed lives and cannot accept that all is not roses anymore. If I cannot be kind, joyful and gracious through aging, I will medicate.

[Anonymous]

They have seen their parents, siblings, family members and best friends die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people over the age of 70 should be on an anti-depressant. They should at least try it for a year and then evaluate if they are still miserable.

In my family the old people are very cheery. Mostly.

I agree with you. I wish my 79 yo dad agreed to try it, as well as anti anxiety meds. But he is irrationally afraid of those!

When I set boundaries and my parents started to show their misery to people outside the family, everyone around them pushed meds. They both were entirely different people on meds-kind, appreciative, gracious, enjoyable to be around. Sadly mom kept going off.

I think there are 3 types who become very difficult-those who already had the wiring, those who have extreme pain and discomfort and illness that would make anyone miserable and those who lead charmed lives and cannot accept that all is not roses anymore. If I cannot be kind, joyful and gracious through aging, I will ***medicate***.

**euthanize
FTFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people over the age of 70 should be on an anti-depressant. They should at least try it for a year and then evaluate if they are still miserable.

In my family the old people are very cheery. Mostly.

I agree with you. I wish my 79 yo dad agreed to try it, as well as anti anxiety meds. But he is irrationally afraid of those!

When I set boundaries and my parents started to show their misery to people outside the family, everyone around them pushed meds. They both were entirely different people on meds-kind, appreciative, gracious, enjoyable to be around. Sadly mom kept going off.

I think there are 3 types who become very difficult-those who already had the wiring, those who have extreme pain and discomfort and illness that would make anyone miserable and those who lead charmed lives and cannot accept that all is not roses anymore. If I cannot be kind, joyful and gracious through aging, I will ***medicate***.

**euthanize
FTFY

I actually do hope it will be legal more places to chose to end our lives in a dignified way. I don't want to become a miserable person bringing down my kids and erupting at them and I don't want to do the whole dementia progression. I would love to pass away in my sleep before I reach a stage where I think it's a good idea to be nasty to my kids and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm guessing you don't have chronic pain or another chronic health issue that is hard to manage and lessens your quality of life considerably. Getting old can be painful and uncomfortable.

Many of their family and friends are dead.

Their kids are off living their own lives barely visiting most of the time.

They know life is only getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about over 75 and women over 80. Most of their same-gender peers are dead and yet a lot of these lucky people do nothing but complain, and also seem to expect favors from much younger who probably aren’t going to live to be their age.

Maybe they miss their friends? There’s not a lot of glory in being the last of your group to survive.

Well, there’s a simple solution for them in that case.

Rude. Holy crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until you're there, OP. Comeuppance.

With any luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until you're there, OP. Comeuppance.

With any luck.

I'll make sure I have no such "luck". Like I've already said, I'm going to make sure I'm dead by the age of 75.