MIL confronted me and wasn’t ready for my response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's family. I never get DCUM and their anti family vibes.

“Family” does not mean putting up with manipulation, toxicity, lies and guilt-tripping. Standing up for yourself is not only OK, it’s the only good example to set for your children.

Period.

Yup. It’s called normal boundaries. A one way relationship is not a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did a bad job at gray rocking her and now you have to start from scratch. Sorry.

This. Pushy, gossipy jerks looove drama. She will rewrite whatever was said in her head. She’s love bombing you now. When your guard goes down her claws will come back out.

I am the poster who said you didn’t win. This is exactly why. This interaction, which makes you look bad on its face, will be distorted and expanded and spread all over kingdom come, and the worst part now is there will be a kernel of truth. Ugh.

Dp here. Both dh and I held our tongues and tried everything to smooth our relationship with our ils. When we backed off and stopped talking to them, they continued to make up lies about both of us and our children. It was embarrassing for them because the people they said things to knew us and knew things weren't true and could not be true. The ils knew so little about us, their lies were obvious to people who did know us.

Unlike you, pp, I think if we had spoken up more directly from the start we might have had a chance of getting them to understand there were boundaries they should not cross.

You’d be wrong. You can think that all you want, but these people don’t ever respect boundaries and aren’t going to start because you were rude to them.

Np — Can you please explain how OP was “rude” when she answered MIL’s question? Asked and answered.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. We teach toddlers this.

You don’t have to answer people just because they pose a rude question to you.

NP. Just because you don't get the answer you like doesn't make it "rude" or not "nice". As a PP noted, don't ask a question unless you're prepared for a true response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think OP did fine. MIL asked a question, OP answered. What other alternatives did the OP have? MIL starts on her tirade and OP says, “ You are right Marion, I am cold and distant for no reason.” I lay bets that MIL will come up with some of her own complaints very soon and will be either texting you or your DH with her grievances.

I think OP at least needs to think about the behavior that generated the supposed gossip. Does she not need to be accountable as well?

You think gossip results from the subject's behavior and not from the gossipmonger's poor manners and desire for drama? Wow. When a woman is sexually assaulted, do you ask what she was wearing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you confuse this with a place where it is appropriate to “vent?” Nobody here care about your toxic relationship with your in-laws.

NP.

FFS, venting about one's toxic relationship with in-laws is EXACTLY what this "Family Relationships" forum is about.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP. The only time I’ve ever found being honest and vulnerable didn’t work in a close relationship was also with my MIL and I just gave up entirely. Totally grey rocked her. IDGAF anymore. It’s better on this side. Pleasant but distant.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did the right thing. She attacked you. At a forced family event. Frankly if it were me, I would completely drop the rope. No more family trips. No more assisting DH with maintaining relationships with his parents. If he fails to do something for mom's bday or Mother's Day, oh well! You will never have a good relationship with this toxic woman who can't be counted on to deal honestly, most notably, with herself. Good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean your 'honesty' was well you are horrible and I am a saint. You didn't take any accountability either. Honestly isn't really when you just blame everyone else but act like you are righteous. And given your disdain and disgust for them I am sure there are many things you have said and done that weren't perfect either.

You're and idiot and likely a shit-stirring MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you handled this very poorly. When MIL said “What did I ever do to you? I want to know. I want to know why you think it’s OK to be so cold and distant with me.”, you should have clarified what she meant. Perhaps she was referring to less time with you due to your late arrival.

Her gripes were essentially that she wants a closer relationship than you do. Of course you don’t owe her anything but there was no need for you to unload with everything she has ever done wrong. If she gossips about SIL in front of you, you should put a stop to it then and there so she knows not to do it again. You and MIL both sound like catty grudge-holders.

You are stupid. Women like MIL don't know how to have close relationships with people. So her asking about why DIL won't be close is just a ploy. MIL is all surface level fakeness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's family. I never get DCUM and their anti family vibes.

The worst thing people can do is to treat one another "like family". When people are uncomfortable with one another back up and be polite. Act as if you are dealing with a stranger you like. So many people think they can get away with rude and hateful behavior with family because they think there are no repercussions. Well guess what granny, there are.

[Anonymous]

Op was attacked, plain and simple. And she had the guts to stand up for herself. Clearly her narc mil wanted her to cower. Mil is horrible.

[Anonymous]

OP, any updates? You are my hero. Your MIL is sort of like my mother. She can dish it, but cannot take it and there is zero accountability for awful behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean your 'honesty' was well you are horrible and I am a saint. You didn't take any accountability either. Honestly isn't really when you just blame everyone else but act like you are righteous. And given your disdain and disgust for them I am sure there are many things you have said and done that weren't perfect either.

This. You are just like her OP.

[Anonymous]

Gosh you must be really proud of yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's family. I never get DCUM and their anti family vibes.

The worst thing people can do is to treat one another "like family". When people are uncomfortable with one another back up and be polite. Act as if you are dealing with a stranger you like. So many people think they can get away with rude and hateful behavior with family because they think there are no repercussions. Well guess what granny, there are.

I don’t know you, but I thank you! Please tell this to my mom.