What is overscheduled?

[Anonymous]

My kid does a travel sport, a rec sport, scouts, and plays an instrument. I’m sure to some people that seems over scheduled. But my kid isn’t in aftercare. One thing I’ve noticed is that no one seems to blink if a kid spends an extra 8-10 hours/week (e.g. from 3:30 -5/5:30 M-F) in an after school program. I don’t see how 3 nights/week of organized sports practice is that much more (most practices are 1 hour-90 min and a short drive or walk from our house).

Music lesson is every other week for 45 min with kid-led practice when he feels like it (he is self motivated so we never have to make him do it). Scouts is maybe a 1-2 meetings/month plus an occasional activity. Even with all this my kid still gets a few hours per week of free play with neighbors and video game time, reads for 30 min before bed, and has a at least 2-3 other activities with friends per month like play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.

I feel like my kid has so much leisure time that it’s easy to fit in tons of stuff. But I am done working by 3:30 and can help coordinate activities. I can imagine it would be much harder if we weren’t even home from work until 5:30/6 each night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

I don't think anyone is saying that differebt friend groups are a problem, it can be a good thing. I think it's more of a what's better organized activities vs unstructured time. And then how much of each. Activities are great, but how much is too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I call BS to kids wanting to do activities all the time. Most people want to relax after working all day. Same goes for kids. After an entire day of following directions and listening to teachers etc they also want to relax and chill. Not go to more activities. Every. Single. Day. I have seen kids mine and others resist going to their sports practice , art classes, swim practice etc.

Okay. That's some kids. Mine has never expressed any resistance to going to an activity. Some people want to get off work and relax, and some don't. Kids are the same way.

+1 The people whose kids complain about going to activities assume every kid is like that. I think that kids somewhat group together by energy level though so you may see the kids who burn out easier while the super athletic always active kids are always wanting to play some sort of sport.

Also, in my pre-kid life I liked an occasional chill evening (as does my kid), but there were plenty of evenings I was hitting up a gym class or happy hour straight after work. Not all of us just wanted to use our free time to veg out more often than not. Someday when I’m an empty nester and retired, I hope to go back to pursuing more hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

I don't think it's lazy, I think it's parents putting out realistic boundaries. Also, it seems like there is so much backlash to an more free unstructured childhood. Did that many ppl here have bad experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the school year, DS did a sport per season with some overlap plus music lesson weekly and a Saturday 3 hour activity. Over the summer he will have camp until 2:45 and 1 activity twice a week, a sport once a week, and then I just added 30 minute swim lessons for safety. How much is too much? He gets lots of sleep, plays with friends, and doesn’t seem stressed, is enthusiastic about it all. He wanted to do another 2 weeks of sports camp and I said no.

You’re there. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I call BS to kids wanting to do activities all the time. Most people want to relax after working all day. Same goes for kids. After an entire day of following directions and listening to teachers etc they also want to relax and chill. Not go to more activities. Every. Single. Day. I have seen kids mine and others resist going to their sports practice , art classes, swim practice etc.

Okay. That's some kids. Mine has never expressed any resistance to going to an activity. Some people want to get off work and relax, and some don't. Kids are the same way.

+1 The people whose kids complain about going to activities assume every kid is like that. I think that kids somewhat group together by energy level though so you may see the kids who burn out easier while the super athletic always active kids are always wanting to play some sort of sport.

Also, in my pre-kid life I liked an occasional chill evening (as does my kid), but there were plenty of evenings I was hitting up a gym class or happy hour straight after work. Not all of us just wanted to use our free time to veg out more often than not. Someday when I’m an empty nester and retired, I hope to go back to pursuing more hobbies.

+2 I liked having something to do after school most days as a kid and as an adult (pre-kids) I was doing hobbies 3-4 nights a week after work and sometimes on the weekend with great pleasure. I miss those hobbies and really look forward to getting back to them some day. My kids (2 and 4) haven’t done any activities yet because their weekends are quite crowded enough but in a few years I expect we’ll try some things out and see what they like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you even have tweens or teens? When they have free time at home they are texting in group chats. Not a big deal, but hardly some lesson in "being bored" or "entertaining themselves".

And this isn't good, especially in tweens, who literally are still kids. Technology/screens aren't the devil, but they need to be outside socializing in person.

Where are they going to do this?

Neighborhood? Do they constantly need to go somewhere?

The problem is there is no one out in the neighborhood. The kids their age are either busy with an extracurricular activity, homework, or on a screen. This is just the sad truth. I’m sure some DCUM parent will pipe up and say their teen just loves to intricate create stop-motion animation or write short novels in their free afternoons unscheduled at home, but the vast majority of teens will be glued to phone or gaming in their free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

Good points. Plus, if younger elementary kids don’t find an activity or sport they can grow with and feel accomplished in, chances of them wanting to pick something as a beginner in middle school and stick with it are low

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid does a travel sport, a rec sport, scouts, and plays an instrument. I’m sure to some people that seems over scheduled. But my kid isn’t in aftercare. One thing I’ve noticed is that no one seems to blink if a kid spends an extra 8-10 hours/week (e.g. from 3:30 -5/5:30 M-F) in an after school program. I don’t see how 3 nights/week of organized sports practice is that much more (most practices are 1 hour-90 min and a short drive or walk from our house).

Music lesson is every other week for 45 min with kid-led practice when he feels like it (he is self motivated so we never have to make him do it). Scouts is maybe a 1-2 meetings/month plus an occasional activity. Even with all this my kid still gets a few hours per week of free play with neighbors and video game time, reads for 30 min before bed, and has a at least 2-3 other activities with friends per month like play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.

I feel like my kid has so much leisure time that it’s easy to fit in tons of stuff. But I am done working by 3:30 and can help coordinate activities. I can imagine it would be much harder if we weren’t even home from work until 5:30/6 each night.

What a loser

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem like too much to me. Busy kids have less time for trouble! Signs of too much would be constant complaining, never has time to be bored and self entertain, not getting enough sleep, anxiety

I don't agree with the trouble premise. First of all, not all kids are going to do those things. And then, overscheduling may make it harder for them to get into trouble, but not impossible. It doesn't take away a kids desire or curiosity for troublesome behavior.

Look up how Iceland solved its teen drinking problem

I've read it. I still don't think kids should be overscheduled.

Ok, you are free to do what you want with your own kids! Enjoy.

The part that I don't get is, I understand that they may have less opportunity, but how are activities stopping them wanting to drink? That doesn't just magically go away

DP. Lots of teenagers drink because they're bored/looking for something to do. Extracurricular activity participation is generally connected to lower rates of substance use.

I just I guess think teens should be able to entertain themselves without getting into trouble. I think I'd be so mad at my kid if they did stupid stuff because they were "bored."

Teens have been doing stupid stuff because they were bored for all of time.

So you suggest raising kids who don’t know how to deal with boredom? The only solution to not getting into trouble is put them in organized activities, so that someone else will tell them what to do? What do they do when they grow up?

Organized activities are one factor but obviously there are others.

Also as an adult you have alot more authority over your life than as a teenager. Also your brain is developed to understand consequences and think rationally. A lot of places like malls and movie theaters won't even let kids under 17 be there without an adult. When as an adult do you have time to be bored? With a job, kids, and a house I would love to be bored!

Kids, not fully developed brains, free time, no place to go can lead to bad decisions. Hence how organized activities can help. Jobs, chores, responsibilities can also help.

I can agree with some of this and extracurriculars and things aren't a bad thing, but it seems like many suggest no free time. Also, I think it's important to teach teens that they can have fun with no place to go. You don't always need to go out to have fun.

Who said “no free time”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid does a travel sport, a rec sport, scouts, and plays an instrument. I’m sure to some people that seems over scheduled. But my kid isn’t in aftercare. One thing I’ve noticed is that no one seems to blink if a kid spends an extra 8-10 hours/week (e.g. from 3:30 -5/5:30 M-F) in an after school program.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

I don't think it's lazy, I think it's parents putting out realistic boundaries. Also, it seems like there is so much backlash to a more free unstructured childhood. Did that many ppl here have bad experiences?

I agree with the prior poster and I think a lot of the backlash comes from the judgment of the “free unstructured” moms. Don’t assume a kid is miserable attending extracurricular or the kid is being overly pushed or the kid has no free time and it’s all such a shame he is learning and instrument while playing a travel sport. Just focus on parenting your own kids and stop worrying about everyone else’s!

[Anonymous]

"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.