What is overscheduled?

[Anonymous]

^commune like not commute like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

I'll give you that, it's tough, but we've mangee to find some like minded ppl.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem like too much to me. Busy kids have less time for trouble! Signs of too much would be constant complaining, never has time to be bored and self entertain, not getting enough sleep, anxiety

I don't agree with the trouble premise. First of all, not all kids are going to do those things. And then, overscheduling may make it harder for them to get into trouble, but not impossible. It doesn't take away a kids desire or curiosity for troublesome behavior.

Look up how Iceland solved its teen drinking problem

I've read it. I still don't think kids should be overscheduled.

Ok, you are free to do what you want with your own kids! Enjoy.

The part that I don't get is, I understand that they may have less opportunity, but how are activities stopping them wanting to drink? That doesn't just magically go away

DP. Lots of teenagers drink because they're bored/looking for something to do. Extracurricular activity participation is generally connected to lower rates of substance use.

I just I guess think teens should be able to entertain themselves without getting into trouble. I think I'd be so mad at my kid if they did stupid stuff because they were "bored."

Teens have been doing stupid stuff because they were bored for all of time.

So you suggest raising kids who don’t know how to deal with boredom? The only solution to not getting into trouble is put them in organized activities, so that someone else will tell them what to do? What do they do when they grow up?

Organized activities are one factor but obviously there are others.

Also as an adult you have alot more authority over your life than as a teenager. Also your brain is developed to understand consequences and think rationally. A lot of places like malls and movie theaters won't even let kids under 17 be there without an adult. When as an adult do you have time to be bored? With a job, kids, and a house I would love to be bored!

Kids, not fully developed brains, free time, no place to go can lead to bad decisions. Hence how organized activities can help. Jobs, chores, responsibilities can also help.

I can agree with some of this and extracurriculars and things aren't a bad thing, but it seems like many suggest no free time. Also, I think it's important to teach teens that they can have fun with no place to go. You don't always need to go out to have fun.

Who said “no free time”?

Maybe not no free time, but it's definitely limited.

[Anonymous]

Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I call BS to kids wanting to do activities all the time. Most people want to relax after working all day. Same goes for kids. After an entire day of following directions and listening to teachers etc they also want to relax and chill. Not go to more activities. Every. Single. Day. I have seen kids mine and others resist going to their sports practice , art classes, swim practice etc.

I have a basketball loving kid who wants to play basketball every single day. When he is home, he plays basketball in our driveway. If it is raining, he practices dribbling in our basement. He plays basketball with his friends.

I have a tennis playing kid who plays tennis daily. He has coaching, team practice and matches for his team and also plays tournaments. When we are on vacation, he wants to play tennis.

My daughter is my youngest and she dances. She does not go to dance daily but she would. She is not on a dance team…. yet.

All three of my kids played soccer. They all dreaded going. One son played travel and was quite good but he never loved it. I think we confused being naturally good with him wanting to go.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:And I call BS to kids wanting to do activities all the time. Most people want to relax after working all day. Same goes for kids. After an entire day of following directions and listening to teachers etc they also want to relax and chill. Not go to more activities. Every. Single. Day. I have seen kids mine and others resist going to their sports practice , art classes, swim practice etc.

I have a basketball loving kid who wants to play basketball every single day. When he is home, he plays basketball in our driveway. If it is raining, he practices dribbling in our basement. He plays basketball with his friends.

I have a tennis playing kid who plays tennis daily. He has coaching, team practice and matches for his team and also plays tournaments. When we are on vacation, he wants to play tennis.

My daughter is my youngest and she dances. She does not go to dance daily but she would. She is not on a dance team…. yet.

All three of my kids played soccer. They all dreaded going. One son played travel and was quite good but he never loved it. I think we confused being naturally good with him wanting to go.

Amd thats great for your kids and those kids like yours, but that's not all kids. There are kids who are made to do too many activities.

[Anonymous]

This summer we're taking a break from all structured paid activities, unless the child really wants it and it's really foundational for a lifelong hobby or skill. Summer break activities have caused more anxiety and stress than they should in our house, and the kids' behavior is better when they get time to relax without expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

I don't think it's lazy, I think it's parents putting out realistic boundaries. Also, it seems like there is so much backlash to an more free unstructured childhood. Did that many ppl here have bad experiences?

It's not backlash to a free unstructured childhood that didn't go well. It's that most of us grew up doing plenty of structured activities, enjoyed them a lot, see how they benefited us and enriched our lives, and want the same for our kids.

I'm 43, so grew up in the 80's and 90's. I lived in an UMC suburb and went to public schools. I, and my friends, were "middle of the pack" kind of kids. And we all did lots of activities. We did a sport pretty much every season, and were also on select and travel teams. I had friends who did competitive dance. We had private weekly instrument lessons. We did extra miscellaneous activities too like scouts and religious school. We went to many weeks of day and specialty camps in the summer, even those of us with SAHMs. My DD and her friends have a similar schedule. I had plenty of unstructured time, and so does my DD. I don't think that structured activities are what is different today. What's different is the phones, and tablets, and group chats, and social media. And parents are more wary about giving their kids the same kind of freedom during the unstructured/down time. But the activities have been there.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's important for tweens and teens to socialize (in person) with friends. If your tween/teen has so many structured activities that they don't have time to hang out and socialize with friends, then, yeah, they are probably overscheduled.

But folks seems to be suggesting that teens/tweens should also have swaths of time where they are alone with nowhere to go and have to come up with things to do. And, I'm telling you, what tweens/teens do in that scenario -- if given the choice -- is text on group chats. Vapid, ridiculous, eye-roll-level drama filled group chats.

For a lot of kids their friend group is in the structured activities with them. My DS plays on sports teams with friends and then even when they don’t have practices they want to get together and play pickup games and throw a ball around. My kid gets really bummed when a practice or game is rained out because he looks forward to playing his sport. He and his friends play sports at recess and talk about their play off games at school. Being on a team is social.

I’ve never really signed my kid up for activities that don’t involve friends. Even stuff like summer camps I generally organize with friends’ parents.

ITA. So much of the unstructured socializing my DD engages in has come from making friends through a structured activity. I'm sure I will get flamed, but I think a lot of folks blasting structured activities and coming up with all this lofty talk about the merits of being bored, blah blah blah are just too lazy or don't have the bandwidth for whatever reason to sign their kid up for activities. They don't seem to understand how these activities work, or appreciate things like this -- that they lead to friendships and hang outs -- or do not seem to have any concept of how many hours are in a week or when upper ES and MS kids go to bed, etc.

I don't think it's lazy, I think it's parents putting out realistic boundaries. Also, it seems like there is so much backlash to an more free unstructured childhood. Did that many ppl here have bad experiences?

It's not backlash to a free unstructured childhood that didn't go well. It's that most of us grew up doing plenty of structured activities, enjoyed them a lot, see how they benefited us and enriched our lives, and want the same for our kids.

I'm 43, so grew up in the 80's and 90's. I lived in an UMC suburb and went to public schools. I, and my friends, were "middle of the pack" kind of kids. And we all did lots of activities. We did a sport pretty much every season, and were also on select and travel teams. I had friends who did competitive dance. We had private weekly instrument lessons. We did extra miscellaneous activities too like scouts and religious school. We went to many weeks of day and specialty camps in the summer, even those of us with SAHMs. My DD and her friends have a similar schedule. I had plenty of unstructured time, and so does my DD. I don't think that structured activities are what is different today. What's different is the phones, and tablets, and group chats, and social media. And parents are more wary about giving their kids the same kind of freedom during the unstructured/down time. But the activities have been there.

I'm 40 and activities existed and kids did them, but for some reason, I guess kids didn't seem as busy as they do today.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid does a travel sport, a rec sport, scouts, and plays an instrument. I’m sure to some people that seems over scheduled. But my kid isn’t in aftercare. One thing I’ve noticed is that no one seems to blink if a kid spends an extra 8-10 hours/week (e.g. from 3:30 -5/5:30 M-F) in an after school program. I don’t see how 3 nights/week of organized sports practice is that much more (most practices are 1 hour-90 min and a short drive or walk from our house).

Music lesson is every other week for 45 min with kid-led practice when he feels like it (he is self motivated so we never have to make him do it). Scouts is maybe a 1-2 meetings/month plus an occasional activity. Even with all this my kid still gets a few hours per week of free play with neighbors and video game time, reads for 30 min before bed, and has a at least 2-3 other activities with friends per month like play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.

I feel like my kid has so much leisure time that it’s easy to fit in tons of stuff. But I am done working by 3:30 and can help coordinate activities. I can imagine it would be much harder if we weren’t even home from work until 5:30/6 each night.

What a loser

Wow something must have really triggered you to care enough to make this response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid does a travel sport, a rec sport, scouts, and plays an instrument. I’m sure to some people that seems over scheduled. But my kid isn’t in aftercare. One thing I’ve noticed is that no one seems to blink if a kid spends an extra 8-10 hours/week (e.g. from 3:30 -5/5:30 M-F) in an after school program. I don’t see how 3 nights/week of organized sports practice is that much more (most practices are 1 hour-90 min and a short drive or walk from our house).

Music lesson is every other week for 45 min with kid-led practice when he feels like it (he is self motivated so we never have to make him do it). Scouts is maybe a 1-2 meetings/month plus an occasional activity. Even with all this my kid still gets a few hours per week of free play with neighbors and video game time, reads for 30 min before bed, and has a at least 2-3 other activities with friends per month like play dates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.

I feel like my kid has so much leisure time that it’s easy to fit in tons of stuff. But I am done working by 3:30 and can help coordinate activities. I can imagine it would be much harder if we weren’t even home from work until 5:30/6 each night.

What a loser

Wow something must have really triggered you to care enough to make this response.

There's a troll who loves to leave short, mean-spirited comments randomly around on threads. Rather than reply just report them and Jeff & co will clean them up. It's really amazing that someone has time on their hands to do that. Maybe their parents should sign them up for 2 travel sports to get them off of their devices (not entirely joking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

This is such a bummer. This is another reason that overschedule is such a big problem.