What is overscheduled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

This is such a bummer. This is another reason that overschedule is such a big problem.

Is it though?

We have neighbors whose kids are usually outside playing and they probably say the same thing about us. But the reality is that my kids could be out a lot more - and would be if the neighbor kids weren't out. They got tired of the neighbor kids bossing them around, not being willing to compromise, and just generally being bad friends. Similar issue with another neighbor down the street. When my kids tried to play with that other kid, that kid was destructive and mean. So now they are always too "busy" to play with that kid.

Sometimes - definitely not always so nobody should feel attacked - the problem is actually the other kids. Or it might be another problem. But it's not always overscheduling. When kids want to hang out they find ways. My kids are happy to go around the corner to play with a different family whose kids know how to get along with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid isn’t introverted though. He is high energy and loves to socialize. As the only child of two introverts, he gets most of this out of the house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

This is such a bummer. This is another reason that overschedule is such a big problem.

Is it though?

We have neighbors whose kids are usually outside playing and they probably say the same thing about us. But the reality is that my kids could be out a lot more - and would be if the neighbor kids weren't out. They got tired of the neighbor kids bossing them around, not being willing to compromise, and just generally being bad friends. Similar issue with another neighbor down the street. When my kids tried to play with that other kid, that kid was destructive and mean. So now they are always too "busy" to play with that kid.

Sometimes - definitely not always so nobody should feel attacked - the problem is actually the other kids. Or it might be another problem. But it's not always overscheduling. When kids want to hang out they find ways. My kids are happy to go around the corner to play with a different family whose kids know how to get along with others.

I was going to say something slightly different. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but is the problem your kid because I agree that kids who want to hang out with each other make it happen. Does he have friends, even if they are not in the neighborhood? Can he message them -- or can you message the parents -- to set up a time for them to meet up and just play together? My DD and her friends do plenty of activities but they find time to play together too. She and a really good friend had nothing scheduled on Wednesdays this year (she had other free days too, just saying her schedule meshed in that regard with this girl), and they sort of had an unofficial standing playdate for that afternoon at our house. I 100% left them alone -- they usually went outside. I know people get hung up on this idea of just popping outside and finding neighborhood kids to play with, but if you schedule a playdate for your son and then leave the kids alone to do their own thing, that is perfectly good unstructured kid-led time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

If your kid wants to compete in high school, that kid needs to play a lot in elementary. My oldest just started high school and many kids got cut from basketball, tennis, baseball, etc. many kids who play travel and club got cut. I doubt any kids who play just rec could make any team.

[Anonymous]

Your schedule sounds find to me. Really depends on the kid and age. Also whether activities and sports are kid driven or parent driven.

My oldest is in high school and he plays three varsity sports, does multiple academic clubs and has straight As.

My youngest is in elementary and she has one activity per day for about 1 hour. She has piano, Girl Scouts, dance and a sport per season. Then she usually does a few after school activities that she chooses like science or cooking. This seems manageable for her and seems somewhat normal in our circles. It is very normal for a kid to play an instrument, play a sport, do dance and/or gymnastics and Girl Scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid isn’t introverted though. He is high energy and loves to socialize. As the only child of two introverts, he gets most of this out of the house!

One of my three is very introverted but I push him into an extracurricular each season to make sure he develops his social skills. He refuses play dates and struggles to make friends in the neighborhood. I’m not just going to let him happily stay home when I know he needs to work on this. Compromise, teamwork, confidence are all interpersonal skills that activities will help my introvert develop.

[Anonymous]

I do think parenthood has become to subject to the same fallacy that "busyness=productivity" that the rest of American society has. Whether it's school or afterschool or weekends, a lot of people seem to think that if you don't have scheduled activities, you can't possibly be making good use of your time.

I agree with others that some kids don't get enough time being bored and having to address it themselves.

But to me the answer to that problem is not more activities (I'm not anti-activity, we do them just not constantly), but fewer screens. We have just put up with hearing "I'm bored" constantly for years, even though we could "solve" that issue with an iPad, and instead forced our kids to figure out ways to deal with their boredom without looking at a screen I think one reason our kids became strong readers very quickly once they were proficient is that they were bored and books rapidly became an obvious outlet. We've never let them have an iPad in the car even on long car trips but they could have as any books or podcasts as they wanted, and I think this zoomed them up in literacy more quickly.

So I don't think scheduling is really the central issue here. The truth is that much of what kids are scheduled to do is boring -- much of school is boring, many activities involved a lot of waiting your turn or focusing on a single skill that might not be that interesting. Unstructured time is great, but if it's filled with screens, kids aren't really learning to entertain themselves anyway.

So I guess I'd rather my kid have an activity every afternoon of the week than be spending time on an iPad or zoned out in front of the TV. I'm not really sure that being home with a nanny/SAHM or even playing outside with friends is THAT much better than just going to aftercare or soccer or dance class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

If your kid wants to compete in high school, that kid needs to play a lot in elementary. My oldest just started high school and many kids got cut from basketball, tennis, baseball, etc. many kids who play travel and club got cut. I doubt any kids who play just rec could make any team.

So highly sport and school dependent.

Example: at Hayfield SS enough girls tried out for softball that they could easily fill the varsity and JV teams and still make a few cuts. At Lewis HS not far away they only can field a varsity team that plays everyone else's JV teams because they are so new to the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

This is such a bummer. This is another reason that overschedule is such a big problem.

Overscheduling and activities are two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

If your kid wants to compete in high school, that kid needs to play a lot in elementary. My oldest just started high school and many kids got cut from basketball, tennis, baseball, etc. many kids who play travel and club got cut. I doubt any kids who play just rec could make any team.

So highly sport and school dependent.

Example: at Hayfield SS enough girls tried out for softball that they could easily fill the varsity and JV teams and still make a few cuts. At Lewis HS not far away they only can field a varsity team that plays everyone else's JV teams because they are so new to the sport.

We live in McLean. Everything is competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Free unstructured childhood" doesn't work unless you have a strict nanny or live in a commute like cluster of likeminded people with similarly aged kids who aren't on screens and aren't signed up for activities.

Many introverted kids make good use of their unstructured time without a nanny or needing to live in a commune. It ain't rocket science to limit screen time. You simply take physical possession of the iPad and the game console controllers.

My kid doesn’t get screen time at home. He doesn’t have an iPad or video games. But unstructured time is literally just him playing or reading at home or else playing ball by himself outside. There are a few kids around but they are usually busy.

This is such a bummer. This is another reason that overschedule is such a big problem.

Overscheduling and activities are two different things.

We'll call it being busy then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

If your kid wants to compete in high school, that kid needs to play a lot in elementary. My oldest just started high school and many kids got cut from basketball, tennis, baseball, etc. many kids who play travel and club got cut. I doubt any kids who play just rec could make any team.

So highly sport and school dependent.

Example: at Hayfield SS enough girls tried out for softball that they could easily fill the varsity and JV teams and still make a few cuts. At Lewis HS not far away they only can field a varsity team that plays everyone else's JV teams because they are so new to the sport.

We live in McLean. Everything is competitive.

Not football and basketball

[Anonymous]

I think busyness and activities are over rated. Most parents have bought into this notion of kids needing to do more activities after school. More is better mentality is flawed. Most kids are unhappy having to go to an activity or 2 every single day of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think busyness and activities are over rated. Most parents have bought into this notion of kids needing to do more activities after school. More is better mentality is flawed. Most kids are unhappy having to go to an activity or 2 every single day of the week.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is kid dependent.

I have one kid who can do back to back sports, can go to practice, skills training and hang out with friends on the same team and it will feel fine. Then we throw in math tutoring and all of a sudden, my kid feels overwhelmed and he has too many activities per day.

I don’t think the question is whether he can or wants to do that. The question is whether he SHOULD. People are saying no.

If your kid wants to compete in high school, that kid needs to play a lot in elementary. My oldest just started high school and many kids got cut from basketball, tennis, baseball, etc. many kids who play travel and club got cut. I doubt any kids who play just rec could make any team.

So highly sport and school dependent.

Example: at Hayfield SS enough girls tried out for softball that they could easily fill the varsity and JV teams and still make a few cuts. At Lewis HS not far away they only can field a varsity team that plays everyone else's JV teams because they are so new to the sport.

We live in McLean. Everything is competitive.

Not football and basketball

I have a kid who just started playing basketball and loves it. I hope basketball isn’t competitive and he can make it. I have heard of kids getting cut from basketball. I believe over 100 kids tried out for the freshman team. That sounds pretty competitive to me.