Nanny wants to take 3-4 weeks off. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a great nanny. She has been with us for 10 years (3 kids). She is really great and part of the family and that is why we kept her even after the youngest started school FT. She is currently paid for 8 hours of work, but really only works 4 per day. We have been always very flexible with her and she has generous vacations since we also travel 2+ months in the summer and 2-3 weeks for winter break. For example she spent almost 2 months in her home country last summer and 1 week in the Caribbean (not with us) for winter break.

Her mom lived in a city nearby and was very sick in the last month and nanny took several days off to be with her. She recently passed away and nanny wants to take her to be buried in her home country. The trip is long and she has asked for 3-4 weeks off.

We are not going to be able to pay her and her replacement. I can perhaps have one of my parents fly here to help for some of that time, but I am also upset and don’t think nanny should be paid for those 3-4 weeks she is taking. I would totally understand 1 week off, but 3-4 no.

What do you think? What should we do?

Thanks

Well. in my family, I would not hesitate to let her do this. But, apparently, being a part of your family isn't the same. You let her go with because of the years she has been with you. Plus, you figure out a way to pay her. She took care of your most precious of obsession so you could do your thing.

Her mother died and she wants to bury her in her native soil. You owe her for the years of peace of mind she has given you so you could work and make money

What kind of person are you to even ask?

Plus 1.

I disagree. It’s too much. Nanny was paid and had generous leave. My work would not allow me to take 4 weeks off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She spent the last week with her family. I understand wanting to take her to her home country and perhaps have a funeral there, but I don’t understand why she needs to be there for a month. By contract she has the to 10 days off, but she routinely takes a lot more. We are not around so I don’t care. However, we ARE around now. DH will be traveling and in such short notice (2 weeks) I don’t think I will be able to find much of a replacement.

Either way, I said she can go… but I don’t want to pay her for those weeks she is out. Is it mean of me?

the 1) does she "need" it from your perspective and 2) do you pay her are two different questions.

Where is she from? In other places less time could likely be seen as disrespectfull. Plus she's going through a big change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She spent the last week with her family. I understand wanting to take her to her home country and perhaps have a funeral there, but I don’t understand why she needs to be there for a month. By contract she has the to 10 days off, but she routinely takes a lot more. We are not around so I don’t care. However, we ARE around now. DH will be traveling and in such short notice (2 weeks) I don’t think I will be able to find much of a replacement.

Either way, I said she can go… but I don’t want to pay her for those weeks she is out. Is it mean of me?

the 1) does she "need" it from your perspective and 2) do you pay her are two different questions.

Where is she from? In other places less time could likely be seen as disrespectfull. Plus she's going through a big change.

DP. I suppose her siblings are being disrespectful for only taking a week off so they can get back to their jobs here?

[Anonymous]

40 hrs pay for 20 hrs of work
10 days PTO
2.5 months of paid leave when OP is on vacay
Job security despite leaving for 3 weeks

She won't find a better deal when she gets back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40 hrs pay for 20 hrs of work
10 days PTO
2.5 months of paid leave when OP is on vacay
Job security despite leaving for 3 weeks

She won't find a better deal when she gets back.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just fire her for having the audacity to think that she can inconvenience you by taking her mother back to her native land to bury her with her family! She should be drawn and quartered. On loudly. She has no idea how important you are.

Fire her to finally confirm to her that you are ungrateful and she is no more a member of your family than the mailman..

OP, for ten years this woman has taken care of your children because you chose money over your children. She gave them all the love that you have to your job. You are a miserable human being.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Why don't you just fire her for having the audacity to think that she can inconvenience you by taking her mother back to her native land to bury her with her family! She should be drawn and quartered. On loudly. She has no idea how important you are.

Fire her to finally confirm to her that you are ungrateful and she is no more a member of your family than the mailman..

OP, for ten years this woman has taken care of your children because you chose money over your children. She gave them all the love that you have to your job. You are a miserable human being.[/quote]

And you are our famous nanny troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

This sounds scary as someone who is contemplating hiring a nanny. Such a tough situation because of course you want the kid to be securely attached, but then it brings problems too

Not OP but I would think of it as like an aunt type situation, that you’re paying of course. I love the bond my nanny has with DC and it allows me to be 100% at my work - which is what pays for the nanny anyways.

Right, but that aunt isn’t as enmeshed in your kid’s day to day life and then drop off suddenly once she leaves? Even nannies who stay in touch with their former charges surely don’t see them more than say, once a week or month

I’m the PP who talked about our relationship with our nanny and I agree, it’s more than an aunt situation. In our case, the nanny is really more like a 3rd parent. She’s been an active part of DC’s life for 5 years. DC cannot remember a world without her. DC cries for the nanny sometimes and talks about her every single day, multiple times a day. When DC has been hospitalized (which has not been infrequently as DC is medically complex), the nanny has been at the hospital just as much as DH and I (we would each take an 8 hour shift in the hospital for days and weeks at a time).

OF COURSE our nanny is family and would always be part of our lives. It’s a permanent relationship. BUT, I don’t know how we step back. Our nanny has to make a living. I envision a gradual phase out but that may not be feasible unless we want to keep paying her to come less and less, since nanny has to make a living.

I didn’t realize how hard this would be when we first hired her. It’s of course a blessing but it hurts my heart to think of what comes next and also we truly cannot afford it forever.

How often do you think the nanny would want to/be able to see your kid after she is no longer employed by you? Is she the type that’s would stay close?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a similar struggle with our nanny. We give her guaranteed hours and we pay her even when she greatly exceeds her allotted sick and annual leave time off.

We love her and so we try to ALWAYS accommodate her, but we are not rich and at a certain point it’s hard shelling out such a massive expense when the alternatives would be much cheaper.

BUT, our DC is deeply attached to her and I cannot imagine separating them.

There are so many advantages to having a nanny but in a weird way one of the downsides is that you do become enmeshed with each other and they are like part of your family and I don’t know how we properly extricate ourselves from this arrangement someday because we can’t afford this expense forever.

This sounds scary as someone who is contemplating hiring a nanny. Such a tough situation because of course you want the kid to be securely attached, but then it brings problems too

Not OP but I would think of it as like an aunt type situation, that you’re paying of course. I love the bond my nanny has with DC and it allows me to be 100% at my work - which is what pays for the nanny anyways.

Right, but that aunt isn’t as enmeshed in your kid’s day to day life and then drop off suddenly once she leaves? Even nannies who stay in touch with their former charges surely don’t see them more than say, once a week or month

I’m the PP who talked about our relationship with our nanny and I agree, it’s more than an aunt situation. In our case, the nanny is really more like a 3rd parent. She’s been an active part of DC’s life for 5 years. DC cannot remember a world without her. DC cries for the nanny sometimes and talks about her every single day, multiple times a day. When DC has been hospitalized (which has not been infrequently as DC is medically complex), the nanny has been at the hospital just as much as DH and I (we would each take an 8 hour shift in the hospital for days and weeks at a time).

OF COURSE our nanny is family and would always be part of our lives. It’s a permanent relationship. BUT, I don’t know how we step back. Our nanny has to make a living. I envision a gradual phase out but that may not be feasible unless we want to keep paying her to come less and less, since nanny has to make a living.

I didn’t realize how hard this would be when we first hired her. It’s of course a blessing but it hurts my heart to think of what comes next and also we truly cannot afford it forever.

How often do you think the nanny would want to/be able to see your kid after she is no longer employed by you? Is she the type that’s would stay close?

OP here. Does your nanny have a family of her own?
I ask because while my kids are very attached to our nanny, it’s not to the level your child is attached to your nanny. Perhaps it’s because our nanny has children of her own (one who is only 3) so she is perhaps not as attached to my kids as your nanny is to yours.

My kids never cried for her. My youngest usually cries for me if we are working from home while he is home with nanny.

I am sure we will all miss our nanny when she will eventually leave, but not the way the kids would miss their parents or even grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just fire her for having the audacity to think that she can inconvenience you by taking her mother back to her native land to bury her with her family! She should be drawn and quartered. On loudly. She has no idea how important you are.

Fire her to finally confirm to her that you are ungrateful and she is no more a member of your family than the mailman..

OP, for ten years this woman has taken care of your children because you chose money over your children. She gave them all the love that you have to your job. You are a miserable human being.

Unfortunately, I would not be able to take all the time off she has already taken from my job. I would also never ask for 3-4 weeks off.

You are so lucky to have such a flexible working arrangement and where I guess they donMt really need you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She spent the last week with her family. I understand wanting to take her to her home country and perhaps have a funeral there, but I don’t understand why she needs to be there for a month. By contract she has the to 10 days off, but she routinely takes a lot more. We are not around so I don’t care. However, we ARE around now. DH will be traveling and in such short notice (2 weeks) I don’t think I will be able to find much of a replacement.

Either way, I said she can go… but I don’t want to pay her for those weeks she is out. Is it mean of me?

the 1) does she "need" it from your perspective and 2) do you pay her are two different questions.

Where is she from? In other places less time could likely be seen as disrespectfull. Plus she's going through a big change.

Irrelevant. The nanny took a job in the US. Her American employer has no obligation to follow the customs of another country: