What is it with people given childless couples unsolicited fertility advice?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

How is your sex life going? What's your and you partner's favorite sex position?

It’s great! And he is a big fan of doggy style. How about you?

I really like doing the reverse cowgirl. I'm surprised you guys are still having sex. Have you thought about getting viagra for your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

It's easy to say you "chose not be offended" when you're like 33 with one boy and one girl spaced two years apart and no one is ever going to ask you questions like this.

Nice try. But no. I got asked a lot about kids and then siblings. I don’t get asked anymore because I’m too old for more and have made it clear for years I’m not having more. But again, I chose not to be offended by dumb small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

How is your sex life going? What's your and you partner's favorite sex position?

“I don’t feel comfortable sharing that”; “That’s an inappropriate question, let’s change the subject”

Vs.

“My sex life is alright, we don’t do it that often but our finances are tight so I’m too stressed to really enjoy it….Wait, why are you telling me to make time for it and just do it anyway? Rude! None of your business!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

How is your sex life going? What's your and you partner's favorite sex position?

It’s great! And he is a big fan of doggy style. How about you?

I really like doing the reverse cowgirl. I'm surprised you guys are still having sex. Have you thought about getting viagra for your husband?

Thanks for the unsolicited sex advice! If we ever feel he needs it we’ll look into it!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s small talk, honestly. People like to give advice. You shouldn’t take it so personal. We’ve been infertile for years now and people’s advice just rolls off my back like a duck at this point.

If I could give you advice, I’d tell you now is the time to think about your fertility rather than later, too. But I promise, I’m not obsessed with you.

Thanks of exemplifying the kind of comments I have to deal with. I already mentioned that I'm aware how fertility might be an issue and that I might not be able to conceive at all, but you just ignored that. You might not be obsessed with me, but it's obvious that many people give me advice as if I wasn't aware of what going on in my life.

PP. It doesn’t seem like you’re aware at all, hence your obstinacy in the face of valid advice.

People, even my closest friends, give me advice I don’t want to hear all the time: I won’t do IVF because it goes against my religious beliefs. It’s okay, they’re giving me practical advice and I am simply choosing not to take it. If you’re so secure in your decision, it’s as easy as literally not taking their advice and it wouldn’t really shake you the way it’s doing right now.

You can’t let people being what they perceive to be polite and helpful as adversarial and negative. Well you can, but it’s only going to make you miserable and irritated.

Not OP, but why is it so hard to imagine a woman who is genuinely ok with the idea that that she might never conceive? People take all kinds of risks all the time and no one questions their choices. This kind of denial or the adviser's side seem to almost exclusively occur with advice related to marriage and children. It's almost like the people giving the advice are projecting their own desires and can't accept when someone doesn't share those desires to the same extent.

For the record, I'm a mom of three kids I always knew I wanted, and like OP, I constantly got unsolicited advice on children when I already had a plan which worked as intended. I found it irritating because my womb in none of your f**king business. I'm not really sure why this is so hard to understand for some people.

My point has always been stop taking people giving you advice so personal!!! Everything is not about you or judging your choices, people just do it because that’s what everybody does. They’re doing it in this thread, because that’s literally what people do. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. Nobody is forcing you to take anyone’s advice or even participate in the conversation!

Eeeeeh, nope. Most people don't give this kind of unsolicited advice. Most people understand that a persons reproductive affairs are none of their business. I' m childless and I've never had a person giving me a fertility lecture.

You are probably not running around at the age of 36 telling people you are delaying childbearing due to finances. The OP is either a troll or clueless, but she is inadvertently soliciting this advice making these foolish statements

She's saying these things because people are asking!

So LIE. A 36 yr old telling random people she’s delaying having children is just dumb if she doesn’t want to be given fertility advice. A smart person would have figured out how not to have this conversation. Dp.

OP never said she told people about her finances. She said that people jumped to the topic of her fertility after theyr learned she was childless. Even if she says that she'll delay pregnancy that nobody's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

It's easy to say you "chose not be offended" when you're like 33 with one boy and one girl spaced two years apart and no one is ever going to ask you questions like this.

Nice try. But no. I got asked a lot about kids and then siblings. I don’t get asked anymore because I’m too old for more and have made it clear for years I’m not having more. But again, I chose not to be offended by dumb small talk.

Well, I'm sure you've learned by now that it's considered very rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant and you don't ask. Now you're learning that it's rude to ask people about their reproductive plans. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bother YOU. Be a good citizen and just don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait til you have the baby then the unsolicited baby advice kicks in

You should have a second one.
You shouldn't put him to sleep like that.
Why are you still working?
Just ask you MIL to take care of it.

Stupid people being stupid.

I so regret not having a second one. It makes me literally still thinking about it. I should have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

It's easy to say you "chose not be offended" when you're like 33 with one boy and one girl spaced two years apart and no one is ever going to ask you questions like this.

Nice try. But no. I got asked a lot about kids and then siblings. I don’t get asked anymore because I’m too old for more and have made it clear for years I’m not having more. But again, I chose not to be offended by dumb small talk.

Well, I'm sure you've learned by now that it's considered very rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant and you don't ask. Now you're learning that it's rude to ask people about their reproductive plans. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bother YOU. Be a good citizen and just don't do it.

Not not to mention that some people don't even ask about your plans, they go straight reminding you that you're old, that you should have kids even if you've already told them "no thank you".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

It's easy to say you "chose not be offended" when you're like 33 with one boy and one girl spaced two years apart and no one is ever going to ask you questions like this.

Nice try. But no. I got asked a lot about kids and then siblings. I don’t get asked anymore because I’m too old for more and have made it clear for years I’m not having more. But again, I chose not to be offended by dumb small talk.

Well, I'm sure you've learned by now that it's considered very rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant and you don't ask. Now you're learning that it's rude to ask people about their reproductive plans. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bother YOU. Be a good citizen and just don't do it.

Not not to mention that some people don't even ask about your plans, they go straight reminding you that you're old, that you should have kids even if you've already told them "no thank you".

I’m not saying it’s not rude. I’m saying OP can choose whether or not to be offended and plan a strategy beyond saying “not yet”. Right now she just gets offended when she says “not yet” and they say she shouldn’t wait. She needs a new plan because getting offended and repeating her mistakes isn’t working. Remember… you only get to control yourself and your reaction.

[Anonymous]

There's so much idiocy in this thread, and it's not coming from the OP.

[Anonymous]

I kind of feel like it’s because our generation seems to more likely to really, really want to get all of our ducks in a row before seriously considering growing our families. I think it’s especially surprising to people our parents’ generation and earlier, who kind of jumped in without funds, before establishing careers, etc etc and kind of muddled their way through and made it work. So you get a lot of the “Well we did, you’ll be fine/you should be able to, too.”

The other thing I noticed is that at least in our case, the only people giving this advice were people who themselves had children, and the older the children were, the more likely they were to give that advice. Child-free people were not trying to lend helpful perspective on fertility etc. So I took that to mean that as people with experience being parents, they for whatever reason thought there was more of a benefit in not delaying; something they could from “the other side,” as it were. But I do think that these types of people also tend to see nothing wrong with sacrificing absolutely everything for the sake of children they presuppose you absolutely will want in your life, and they seem to have trouble understanding that that’s just not everyone’s view.

I never got offended at those comments though; I feel kind of isolated here sometimes so in my case, anyone I like, whose judgment I trust, is welcome to be part of my village - I can always choose not to take their advice.

[Anonymous]

It sucks and I agree with you. 10+ years ago before I had my child (at 38), people weren't giving me fertility advice but they were definitely badgering me.

My theory is this: so many of us thought "people are having kids in their upper 30s and even early 40s these days, I can too!" Without realizing just how difficult and expensive it might be. I admit, I have mentioned to my young nieces (26-28) that waiting for the perfect time (in regards to career, lifestyle, income, etc) is not as easy and ideal as they may think. This came up in conversation.

I will never ask a child free couple what their plans are
or suggest they have kids though.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP simply asked why people keep giving her fertility advice when they don't know what's going on in her life, and the first thing you guys do is to give her fertility advice.

I've no idea what OP means by "financial reasons", but if she really wants kids chances are that she did her math a long time ago. I had my child later in life because of financial reasons as well. My mom was having medical issues so we spent a huge chunk of our income on medical treatment. The little we had left went to food, rent and bills. We were living in a small apartment and were not making anywhere 6 figures. It wasn't until my mother passed away that we managed to have enough money to have a child. It was difficult and I had several miscarriages, but the other option was having a child anyways and either getting on welfare or cutting my mother's treatment. I met a number of smug people along the way giving us fertility and financial advice when they had no idea what was going on.

To answer your question OP, people give you advice because they think that having children is some sort of obligation, and not having them is only acceptable if you don't want children at all. Wanting them, but having other priorities is not an option to them. If the unsolicited advice persists, just remind them that your reproductive affairs are none of their business.

People are giving her fertility advice because when they ask about kids she’s inconsistent and probably sounds naive about fertility.

I don’t know why you would tell people you want kids at all. If they ask, just say you don’t want kids. Who cares if you eventually have one?

They shouldn't be asking.
How would you feel if someone randomly asked you how your marriage is going? Or if your children are in good health?

What?? I wouldn’t care at all if someone asked if my children were healthy. How weird. And if someone asked how my husband and I were doing, I’d say “great!” And move on.

No, I'm not talking about "How are Larlo and the kids?" I'm talking about questions like How's your marriage doing? You guys still f--ing? How often? Is Little Larla on the spectrum?

Oh please. This is so dramatic. Family, friends, even acquaintances asking you if you want kids isn’t like any of those things. Some of you are so damn sensitive. Just say no and move the conversation along.

The fact that you you think it's okay to ask people about their reproductive plans but not anything else personal says a lot about the way society views women without children.

Some of you just love being dramatic and offended. Some of us chose not to be. It’s fine.

It's easy to say you "chose not be offended" when you're like 33 with one boy and one girl spaced two years apart and no one is ever going to ask you questions like this.

Nice try. But no. I got asked a lot about kids and then siblings. I don’t get asked anymore because I’m too old for more and have made it clear for years I’m not having more. But again, I chose not to be offended by dumb small talk.

Well, I'm sure you've learned by now that it's considered very rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant and you don't ask. Now you're learning that it's rude to ask people about their reproductive plans. It doesn't matter if it doesn't bother YOU. Be a good citizen and just don't do it.

Not not to mention that some people don't even ask about your plans, they go straight reminding you that you're old, that you should have kids even if you've already told them "no thank you".

I’m not saying it’s not rude. I’m saying OP can choose whether or not to be offended and plan a strategy beyond saying “not yet”. Right now she just gets offended when she says “not yet” and they say she shouldn’t wait. She needs a new plan because getting offended and repeating her mistakes isn’t working. Remember… you only get to control yourself and your reaction.

I don't tell them "not yet". I get asked if i have children, I say "no" and as soon as they start going on about my fertility I say I don't want to discuss the topic. This is why I find it so offensive. The people bringing the topic don't even know what my plan is or if we're infertile. This topic also comes from people who are relative strangers. It feels invasive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

The irony in this is that you are already likely too old to do anything without help from an IVF doctor. Even at this age, you will likely need an egg donor.

Why don’t you just tell the people who are bothering you? “I’m too old.”

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 and husband is 34. We got married four years ago and still have no children because our financial situation isn't great at the moment. When people learn we're childless, they start making comments about how I shouldn't delay motherhood or at least freeze my eggs. The most infuriating things is that these people aren't even close family members or friends, they're acquaintances or some uncle/cousin I haven't seen in more than 10 years. I let them know that there's no reason to bring up the topic and leave it at that, but there's almost always somebody else who brings it later.

I'm aware that at my age, I might have troubles conceiving, especially if I have undiagnosed fertility issues, but the other option is having a baby that we won't able to support, so we're willing to risk it.

Why are some people so obsessed with the fertility of a couple whose kids they're not gonna raise or financially support?

The irony in this is that you are already likely too old to do anything without help from an IVF doctor. Even at this age, you will likely need an egg donor. Why don’t you just tell the people who are bothering you? “I’m too old.”