How often are you having sex lately?

[Anonymous]

2-2x/week with monogamous boyfriend. 52 he is 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Yes. I’ve gained about 30lbs.
Unless you gained so much weight that you aren’t able to physically do certain things, I don’t really see how this matters.

I would say that going through difficult emotional or health crises and fighting/feeling like the other person doesn’t care matters a lot more.

Really? My DH's big stomach is a huge turnoff for me. I have to do it in the dark and not touch him there for it to happen.

I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t feel this at all.

I mean, if you are relaxed and happy and in love with your husband, and he loves you, and you both want to have sex, and his stomach isn’t limiting anything you do with him in any way, why would looking at his stomach make you want to limit your own pleasure and satisfaction in that moment?

On the other hand, if you are in pain, exhausted and stressed, and you are angry with your husband because he is calling you lazy and refusing to help you out. You don’t feel love, and you don’t feel loved. What could looking at a thinner stomach possibly do to make you interested in sex?

NP - thinnner stomachs don't necessarily turn me on. But beer guts turn me off. They are a representation of my husband's choices: to eat trash, to not exercise, to not care enough about his family enough to stay in shape. Also, it is squishy (men should not be squishy). Yes, his stomach does limit my pleasure - it does get in the way, and adds 20-40 pounds that if I'm on the bottom I'm (somewhat) supporting.

Well, I guess that I see it as my husband’s choices to work hard to support our family, to play basketball in the driveway with the kids after school instead of going to the gym, to eat meals with us as a family instead of having his own thing, and go out to parties and date nights together.

But if your husband is overweight because he is isolating from your family and eating trash by himself, and he has told you that he doesn’t love or care about you or your children, isn’t is possible that this is the actual turn off? I mean, I don’t see why you are having sex with this man at all.

I'm sorry you can't see from another vantage point. You've made up a story that has no basis in reality. An even simpler answer could have been that I like people who are fit as romatic partners better than I like people who are out of shape as romantic partners. And that's fine. And it is OK that some people like squishy partners. And it is OK that other people find that their husband's salary makes up for his flabbitude. You do you, I'll do me. If you can't see another perspective there is no use continuing this conversatioin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Yes. I’ve gained about 30lbs.
Unless you gained so much weight that you aren’t able to physically do certain things, I don’t really see how this matters.

I would say that going through difficult emotional or health crises and fighting/feeling like the other person doesn’t care matters a lot more.

Really? My DH's big stomach is a huge turnoff for me. I have to do it in the dark and not touch him there for it to happen.

I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t feel this at all.

I mean, if you are relaxed and happy and in love with your husband, and he loves you, and you both want to have sex, and his stomach isn’t limiting anything you do with him in any way, why would looking at his stomach make you want to limit your own pleasure and satisfaction in that moment?

On the other hand, if you are in pain, exhausted and stressed, and you are angry with your husband because he is calling you lazy and refusing to help you out. You don’t feel love, and you don’t feel loved. What could looking at a thinner stomach possibly do to make you interested in sex?

NP - thinnner stomachs don't necessarily turn me on. But beer guts turn me off. They are a representation of my husband's choices: to eat trash, to not exercise, to not care enough about his family enough to stay in shape. Also, it is squishy (men should not be squishy). Yes, his stomach does limit my pleasure - it does get in the way, and adds 20-40 pounds that if I'm on the bottom I'm (somewhat) supporting.

Well, I guess that I see it as my husband’s choices to work hard to support our family, to play basketball in the driveway with the kids after school instead of going to the gym, to eat meals with us as a family instead of having his own thing, and go out to parties and date nights together.

But if your husband is overweight because he is isolating from your family and eating trash by himself, and he has told you that he doesn’t love or care about you or your children, isn’t is possible that this is the actual turn off? I mean, I don’t see why you are having sex with this man at all.

I'm sorry you can't see from another vantage point. You've made up a story that has no basis in reality. An even simpler answer could have been that I like people who are fit as romatic partners better than I like people who are out of shape as romantic partners. And that's fine. And it is OK that some people like squishy partners. And it is OK that other people find that their husband's salary makes up for his flabbitude. You do you, I'll do me. If you can't see another perspective there is no use continuing this conversatioin.

Honestly, I think you dont like sex that much anymore, and you are looking to blame your husband. Or you have some kind of psychological issue that this one specific attribute is repelling to you.

You say that you want fit partners, but I don’t think you are actually going with your husband to swingers parties or opening your marriage. You aren’t really open to having sex with anyone, fit or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Yes. I’ve gained about 30lbs.
Unless you gained so much weight that you aren’t able to physically do certain things, I don’t really see how this matters.

I would say that going through difficult emotional or health crises and fighting/feeling like the other person doesn’t care matters a lot more.

Really? My DH's big stomach is a huge turnoff for me. I have to do it in the dark and not touch him there for it to happen.

I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t feel this at all.

I mean, if you are relaxed and happy and in love with your husband, and he loves you, and you both want to have sex, and his stomach isn’t limiting anything you do with him in any way, why would looking at his stomach make you want to limit your own pleasure and satisfaction in that moment?

On the other hand, if you are in pain, exhausted and stressed, and you are angry with your husband because he is calling you lazy and refusing to help you out. You don’t feel love, and you don’t feel loved. What could looking at a thinner stomach possibly do to make you interested in sex?

Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing. They can be related, but after you've been with someone for 15 years, desire is a lot more tenuous. At least for me. I would never have seen him as a viable sexual partner when we first met if he looked this way. Yes, I have aged, but no, I haven't gained weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW 50, DH 43. Once a day and often more than once if we have time. We had great chemistry from day one and have never looked back. Sex has always been a good, simple thing for us and a very important part of our relationship.

How long have you been together? Ages of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Yes. I’ve gained about 30lbs.
Unless you gained so much weight that you aren’t able to physically do certain things, I don’t really see how this matters.

I would say that going through difficult emotional or health crises and fighting/feeling like the other person doesn’t care matters a lot more.

Really? My DH's big stomach is a huge turnoff for me. I have to do it in the dark and not touch him there for it to happen.

I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t feel this at all.

I mean, if you are relaxed and happy and in love with your husband, and he loves you, and you both want to have sex, and his stomach isn’t limiting anything you do with him in any way, why would looking at his stomach make you want to limit your own pleasure and satisfaction in that moment?

On the other hand, if you are in pain, exhausted and stressed, and you are angry with your husband because he is calling you lazy and refusing to help you out. You don’t feel love, and you don’t feel loved. What could looking at a thinner stomach possibly do to make you interested in sex?

Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing. They can be related, but after you've been with someone for 15 years, desire is a lot more tenuous. At least for me. I would never have seen him as a viable sexual partner when we first met if he looked this way. Yes, I have aged, but no, I haven't gained weight.

I don’t know. You probably aren’t really his ideal sexual partner either, pp. You don’t really like sex with him and probably don’t really touch him at all.

[Anonymous]

36F and not since July 2015. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

60 y.o.: 1x/week, married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Yes. I’ve gained about 30lbs.
Unless you gained so much weight that you aren’t able to physically do certain things, I don’t really see how this matters.

I would say that going through difficult emotional or health crises and fighting/feeling like the other person doesn’t care matters a lot more.

Really? My DH's big stomach is a huge turnoff for me. I have to do it in the dark and not touch him there for it to happen.

I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t feel this at all.

I mean, if you are relaxed and happy and in love with your husband, and he loves you, and you both want to have sex, and his stomach isn’t limiting anything you do with him in any way, why would looking at his stomach make you want to limit your own pleasure and satisfaction in that moment?

On the other hand, if you are in pain, exhausted and stressed, and you are angry with your husband because he is calling you lazy and refusing to help you out. You don’t feel love, and you don’t feel loved. What could looking at a thinner stomach possibly do to make you interested in sex?

Love and sexual attraction are not the same thing. They can be related, but after you've been with someone for 15 years, desire is a lot more tenuous. At least for me. I would never have seen him as a viable sexual partner when we first met if he looked this way. Yes, I have aged, but no, I haven't gained weight.

I don’t know. You probably aren’t really his ideal sexual partner either, pp. You don’t really like sex with him and probably don’t really touch him at all.

You're absolutely right. We were great early on. His attitude, desire, and fitness were fine, but yeah he is less attractive than the men I dated previously. I am not sexually attracted to him at all anymore since

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

Outside of pregnancy, neither of us have gained weight and we've been together for 15 year. 4 kids, 2-3x/week. Self-care is really important for my drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36F and not since July 2015. It is what it is.

You haven't had sex with your spouse since your 20s?? why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For people who have been together over a decade and still do it 2x/week or more: have either of you gained more than 10lbs?

No, we’re still about the same weight and stay fit.

We've been married 20 years. My wife has gained 60+ pounds and is now 200+. I've gained 10 and am now 190.

My interest in having sex with her has declined. Used to be 3x per week, now 1x per week (with much less enthusiasm.)

Previous poster here. This happened in my first marriage. She gained a lot of weight and was about 200lbs. We were still in our 20’s and hadn’t had kids. I tried to be supportive but my attraction to her did wane. After I caught her in her second affair I decided to end the marriage. One of my criteria in dating was someone who had my same interest in staying fit. Us both staying fit has certainly helped keep our chemistry alive over the years.

[Anonymous]

Interesting, since it seems people in general are the most sexually active in their 20s more than any other decade in their life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW 50, DH 43. Once a day and often more than once if we have time. We had great chemistry from day one and have never looked back. Sex has always been a good, simple thing for us and a very important part of our relationship.

How long have you been together? Ages of kids?

PP - we've been together since I was 35 and he was 27. No kids. Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses and ours is no exception, but our sexual compatibility has been a huge strength, no question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, since it seems people in general are the most sexually active in their 20s more than any other decade in their life

Agree with the 20s with no kids. 30’s slowed down with 3 kids born and all the pregnancy related downtime. I think it picked up in our 40’s but having teens under roof made it challenging at times. Now empty nesters in our 50s and almost back to our 20’s? I think the sex is better now because we are far more experienced and can take more time. With babies and kids under roof speed was important.