I don’t want to travel OR host for the holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Larla, we’re going to be staying local this year and keeping our holiday celebration small. We’d love to FaceTime you so you can see the kids open their gifts.”

Quite possibly the rudest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not invited, but don’t forget to send gifts????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Larla, we’re going to be staying local this year and keeping our holiday celebration small. We’d love to FaceTime you so you can see the kids open their gifts.”

Quite possibly the rudest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not invited, but don’t forget to send gifts????

Oh my stars. The gifts from Santa. The magic ones, the ones the kids are actually excited about??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If “feminism” is Trader Joe’s frozen meals and instant ramen for dinner, then I guess I’m glad I’m not one. Your sons will thank me that I raised daughters who can and enjoy cooking and view it as valuable to family. I wish you all would raise your sons the same. I would be mortified if my daughters treated their in-laws the way many of you are proposing. How can you promote utter selfishness so boldly?

I want my son to find a partner who has been raised to make any meal memorable, even if it’s a TJ frozen meal or ramen. It’s not the food that makes the meal— it’s the company. My son already knows this.

[Anonymous]

I think unless your in laws are toxic, abusive, extremely demanding and difficult people, you do have to suck it up sometimes and host them every once in awhile. completely reasonable that you don’t want to travel to them and also completely reasonable to ask them to stay at a hotel or Airbnb instead of in your home. But suck it up and host a holiday meal (ok if it’s just a restaurant or Wegmans meal and not homemade)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If “feminism” is Trader Joe’s frozen meals and instant ramen for dinner, then I guess I’m glad I’m not one. Your sons will thank me that I raised daughters who can and enjoy cooking and view it as valuable to family. I wish you all would raise your sons the same. I would be mortified if my daughters treated their in-laws the way many of you are proposing. How can you promote utter selfishness so boldly?

I want my son to find a partner who has been raised to make any meal memorable, even if it’s a TJ frozen meal or ramen. It’s not the food that makes the meal— it’s the company. My son already knows this.

Two functioning adults should be able to manage better than that.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think unless your in laws are toxic, abusive, extremely demanding and difficult people, you do have to suck it up sometimes and host them every once in awhile. completely reasonable that you don’t want to travel to them and also completely reasonable to ask them to stay at a hotel or Airbnb instead of in your home. But suck it up and host a holiday meal (ok if it’s just a restaurant or Wegmans meal and not homemade)

Host a holiday meal every year for 20+ years is not “sucking it up sometimes” it’s acting like your kids are a life sentence to wait on your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

Because you can go all out for Christmas and make amazing holiday memories without hosting your in laws for Christmas dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

[Anonymous]

Don’t invite them for the holidays. You can’t invite people and not host. If you don’t want to travel, tell them they won’t be traveling and you’ll be doing holidays on your own this year.

Honestly, this is one of the best things about a divorce because I never have to have these conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion but people with this level of introvert/social anxiety should just stay single. Why bother marrying - which in and of itself is a silent contract of combining families.

I hope OP doesn't have kids.

I hear where you’re coming from. What I’m hearing is a lot of moms who are exhausted probably from doing it all without much help from anybody aside from their husbands. It’s different now then 20+ years ago because of the helicoptery parenting that’s common on dcum. I think we’re all just trying to survive and stay sane. Hosting unhelpful people over the holidays just the tip of the iceberg.

This. But I actually think that poster was rude because there’s no rule that says you have to combine families if you live far away from people, then there’s no reason you have to spend holidays together and if it’s convenient fine but if it’s absolute misery, it’s just not worth it.

My parents always did the holiday separately when I was a kid and we went to both houses of their families, but it was not combined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re struggling to find a polite way to say this because it’s a rude thing to say.

This. Suck it up for your kids. You are going to deprive them of holiday traditions. Get the food catered.

Holiday traditions are for adults…not for kids. The kids don’t know the difference and in fact, my kids cannot stand having big groups of people around the house at the holidays. They just wanna stay home with immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine being so lazy with kids. Christmas is about them. I go all out and it’s the thing my kids remember the most about holidays.

My parents do help me cook when they visit and my in-laws dont, but that’s because I like cooking with my mom and my in-laws instead play with dh and the kids.

I do refuse to travel for Christmas though. Other holidays are fine to travel.

Agree. Not sure why some of these people even have kids.

To have kids.

The people showing up at their home demanding to be waited on? Not kids. No one has kids thinking “at last! I can wash dishes while my in laws sit on the couch!”

I am truly sad for you that you can imagine any value in extended family holidays.

I can— and do. I don’t see value in exhausting myself to wait on people. My children won’t have holiday memories of an exhausted mother.