Do you care if your DC has perspective about their privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The public school your child would attend if they weren’t in private is probably the same in terms of demographics if you have a 7 figure HHI.

Because you choose to live in a neighborhood where everyone is rich and mostly white. Move.

Why? I could care a crap less about the race. But why would I not live someplace where everyone is rich? That is where rich people live.

If you choose to live where everyone is rich, don’t use the old tired reasoning that the private you send you kids to is actually more diverse than the neighborhood public.

I don't. It's a better school and better experience.

That may be, but that’s very different than it being more diverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no. I worked my butt off to live this life of privilege (I am first gen) and want my DC to reap the benefits of what I’ve earned. I don’t want him to ever struggle and I’m happy to have him life in a bubble of one percenters.

We have a neighbor whose dad was like you. He is just a big spoiled baby. Don’t do that to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked in DCPS but I sent both of my children to private schools. The math they do in 8th grade is on par with the most rigorous DCPS algebra class taught in 12th grade. Truancy is a real problem that destroys DCPS.

This is a load of crap. You must’ve taught at Cardozo or something.

our in boundary middle/high school and the reason my child attends private school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think understanding that you are privileged, on it's own, is worth much. The important thing to understand is that wealth doesn't tell you anything about whether a person is smart, hard-working, interesting, or worthy of your respect.

The caviar example in particular made me shudder. Imagine telling your child blithely that the garnish for their food costs enough to feed a family for two weeks, then proceeding to act like that's totally normal. What are they supposed to take away from that? Is that fine? Why?

This is the best answer - make sure your kids know that richer does not make someone better. And that things rich people do or get are not always better. Someone can have a wonderful life while never travelling abroad, going to private school, etc.; and things like travel, private school, etc. do not make someone's life better, necessarily.

I agree, and don’t think that this approach is at all limited to differences in wealth. Yes, it’s important for people who have exceedingly large amounts of money. But it is just as important for people who are less well-off financially. It is as important that people in the financial middle-class don’t look down upon people of lesser means, and it is important that people of lesser means amplified to their children the value of everyone. This whole thread seem so tailored toward the bubble of the Rich, but we all live in bubbles, whether ones we grew up in or once we newly occupy. My life as an X verb lower middle class kid was no more real than my children’s experience as DC private school students. For all of us, it’s important to learn and feel respect and empathy and to see and Value the contributions of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do, what do you do to help them gain some perspective?

No snarky responses, please, this is a real concern and it’s hard to have these conversations in person.

We love the bubble our k-8 provides our kids — caring, small community, focus on kindness, etc. We plan to keep them in private school all the way — I’m not debating the value of private school for our kids.

We are also a relatively well-off family — seven figure HHI. We live a nice lifestyle, and I’m happy with how we spend our money.

However, I don’t know if it’s possible for my kids to gain perspective on how fortunate we/they are, and that most of the world (even within in US) doesn’t live like we do. We talk about it, I talk about my own, very modest childhood. My kids do chores and they get told no when they want to buy things. They have visited where my family comes from (parents are immigrants, I’m a POC) and have seen the poverty that exists there.

But their daily life and exposure is large homes, lots of toys, expensive experiences, and just generally abundant. Also beautiful school grounds and lots of resources to support their goals.

I went to HYP from a low-income public school and was really turned off by the spoiled, entitled private school kids who mostly found each other. I don’t want my kids to end up that way.

Embrace your wealth!
Your kids like mine re fortunate...good for them, enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t live in the DMV anymore.

The city I live in is mostly very poor & has extremely low-performing public schools. A group of (almost all white) local private day & boarding school students started a free tutoring program for the public school kids. The advertising specifically stated it was for “needy X school kids.” These wealthy kids’ (untrained teenagers, mind you) parents have a lot of clout here and got a spot reserved in an establishment in our local mall multiple times a week for tutoring. There were billboards for it, a website with its own domain name & other similar forms of advertisement. The program had an Instagram account, and would post pictures of them tutoring these kids in raggedy clothes. The whole thing was in such poor taste, I cringed every time I saw the billboards. It was clear the tutors were doing it for college admissions, and each year the tutors would go off to top colleges, and by year 4 it dwindled down to nothing. I doubt the tutors will ever live in this city again. So patronizing.

Moral of the story: don’t do what those private school kids did.

Why? This sounds like a great program. They are helping. Do you have an issue with that? Isn't that what they are supposed to do? It is not poor taste at all unless they staged the pictures.

The rich white savior complex of people who’d never actually attend those public schools or step foot in them is appalling. It’s so obviously being done for college admissions.

So is most of the “service” being required by schools these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no. I worked my butt off to live this life of privilege (I am first gen) and want my DC to reap the benefits of what I’ve earned. I don’t want him to ever struggle and I’m happy to have him life in a bubble of one percenters.

We have a neighbor whose dad was like you. He is just a big spoiled baby. Don’t do that to your son.

Rags to riches to rags, all in three generations.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I'm not hung on on the concept of feeling guilty for being privileged. I say that everyone has different ways of getting through life and as long as you treat everyone with respect and courtesy, then that's all that really matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do, what do you do to help them gain some perspective?

No snarky responses, please, this is a real concern and it’s hard to have these conversations in person.

We love the bubble our k-8 provides our kids — caring, small community, focus on kindness, etc. We plan to keep them in private school all the way — I’m not debating the value of private school for our kids.

We are also a relatively well-off family — seven figure HHI. We live a nice lifestyle, and I’m happy with how we spend our money.

However, I don’t know if it’s possible for my kids to gain perspective on how fortunate we/they are, and that most of the world (even within in US) doesn’t live like we do. We talk about it, I talk about my own, very modest childhood. My kids do chores and they get told no when they want to buy things. They have visited where my family comes from (parents are immigrants, I’m a POC) and have seen the poverty that exists there.

But their daily life and exposure is large homes, lots of toys, expensive experiences, and just generally abundant. Also beautiful school grounds and lots of resources to support their goals.

I went to HYP from a low-income public school and was really turned off by the spoiled, entitled private school kids who mostly found each other. I don’t want my kids to end up that way.

Like many other posters said, it’s really hard to gain perspective when your parents are rich. You can make them do chores and spend more reasonably on them but there’s a certain ease of life attributed to wealth that won’t really allow them to understand the struggle. Public school would give them more optics into regular kids who aren’t wealthy but in the long run it still won’t enable them to not know wealth. In your case, you say you grew up with modest means so I would have them spend as much time with your family as you can. They’ll witness people they love in a different financial situation and enjoying less materialistic. One thing most people who spend their money on luxurious vacations and other life pleasures is that you are modeling loving that life to your kids. And that’s ok but it’s just dishonest to yourself and them to turn around and say I don’t want you to only know this life and know struggle. You haven’t presented them with anything but a comfortable life so I would spend your efforts generating a strong intrinsic desire for success and work ethic and not strive to provide a perspective that’s pretty unattainable at your stature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do, what do you do to help them gain some perspective?

No snarky responses, please, this is a real concern and it’s hard to have these conversations in person.

We love the bubble our k-8 provides our kids — caring, small community, focus on kindness, etc. We plan to keep them in private school all the way — I’m not debating the value of private school for our kids.

We are also a relatively well-off family — seven figure HHI. We live a nice lifestyle, and I’m happy with how we spend our money.

However, I don’t know if it’s possible for my kids to gain perspective on how fortunate we/they are, and that most of the world (even within in US) doesn’t live like we do. We talk about it, I talk about my own, very modest childhood. My kids do chores and they get told no when they want to buy things. They have visited where my family comes from (parents are immigrants, I’m a POC) and have seen the poverty that exists there.

But their daily life and exposure is large homes, lots of toys, expensive experiences, and just generally abundant. Also beautiful school grounds and lots of resources to support their goals.

I went to HYP from a low-income public school and was really turned off by the spoiled, entitled private school kids who mostly found each other. I don’t want my kids to end up that way.

Did you meet your spouse @HYP? Was their family rich?

[Anonymous]

We're a middle class family with kids on heavy financial aid at a private school. I worry about this a lot. My kids are very aware that people have more than them. It's in their face every day! And while they have opportunities to see that people have less, I still worry that their perspective is skewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're a middle class family with kids on heavy financial aid at a private school. I worry about this a lot. My kids are very aware that people have more than them. It's in their face every day! And while they have opportunities to see that people have less, I still worry that their perspective is skewed.

If you have several kids in private, you are not real middle class, just pretending to be.

[Anonymous]

Not until we tax the bejesus out of the billionaires and multimillionaires.

[Anonymous]

Maybe view it from the lens that you don’t want them to be shocked and disappointed if they don’t end up in your financial situation as adults.