Do you care if your DC has perspective about their privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The public school your child would attend if they weren’t in private is probably the same in terms of demographics if you have a 7 figure HHI.

Because you choose to live in a neighborhood where everyone is rich and mostly white. Move.

Why? I could care a crap less about the race. But why would I not live someplace where everyone is rich? That is where rich people live.

If you choose to live where everyone is rich, don’t use the old tired reasoning that the private you send you kids to is actually more diverse than the neighborhood public.

I don't. It's a better school and better experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t live in the DMV anymore.

The city I live in is mostly very poor & has extremely low-performing public schools. A group of (almost all white) local private day & boarding school students started a free tutoring program for the public school kids. The advertising specifically stated it was for “needy X school kids.” These wealthy kids’ (untrained teenagers, mind you) parents have a lot of clout here and got a spot reserved in an establishment in our local mall multiple times a week for tutoring. There were billboards for it, a website with its own domain name & other similar forms of advertisement. The program had an Instagram account, and would post pictures of them tutoring these kids in raggedy clothes. The whole thing was in such poor taste, I cringed every time I saw the billboards. It was clear the tutors were doing it for college admissions, and each year the tutors would go off to top colleges, and by year 4 it dwindled down to nothing. I doubt the tutors will ever live in this city again. So patronizing.

Moral of the story: don’t do what those private school kids did.

Why? This sounds like a great program. They are helping. Do you have an issue with that? Isn't that what they are supposed to do? It is not poor taste at all unless they staged the pictures.

The rich white savior complex of people who’d never actually attend those public schools or step foot in them is appalling. It’s so obviously being done for college admissions.

I went to a poor performing public high school. Most of the kids there do not get a solid education. They could be helped by others that do. Or it could be a waste of time. We don't know. But it may be helpful if for no other reason than to plant a seed that there is something else out there. Maybe not better but something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The public school your child would attend if they weren’t in private is probably the same in terms of demographics if you have a 7 figure HHI.

Because you choose to live in a neighborhood where everyone is rich and mostly white. Move.

Why? I could care a crap less about the race. But why would I not live someplace where everyone is rich? That is where rich people live.

Because someday your kid is going to be around non-rich people. Maybe if they’re a doctor, or maybe they’re college roommate, teacher, professor, coach or teammates.

Sure. So?

Are you this dense all the time? You don’t want your kid to say something classist, entitled or out-of-touch when they grow up & the stakes are higher.

I hope they do not. I hope we have done a good job on that front. But not sure how this translates into where I live. I not going to live somewhere I don't want to for those reasons. I grew up in a city housing project. There is no honor in growing up poor or even middle class. Nothing wrong with it either. It is what it is.

Your kid will have no perspective on their privilege if they live in a rich neighborhood. If you don’t care about them having that perspective, that’s your choice, although it may come back to bite your kids later in life.

Of course they will have a perspective. It just wont be the one you want maybe. I have been poor. It sucks. And there is no way it would bite them later.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It matters to me a great deal that our kids are grounded and recognize how completely different this area is from much of the country. I hate the rhetoric of “real America” bc our area is just as real as any other.

That said, the private school bubble is a concentration of wealth that I never encountered growing up. No one I knew had a second home, a yacht, or live in help. I’ve done well enough myself, and my spouse comes from more money than I. But these opportunities aren’t available to everyone, and it’s important that my kids understand that.

We volunteer, and we talk about giving both new and our gently used things to people who could use them. We talk about what it means to be called the best country in the world when there are people living on the street. It’s important to be discussing these things, regardless of being in private school, but especially given the excess, we want to foster awareness of inequality and the immense privilege we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think understanding that you are privileged, on it's own, is worth much. The important thing to understand is that wealth doesn't tell you anything about whether a person is smart, hard-working, interesting, or worthy of your respect.

The caviar example in particular made me shudder. Imagine telling your child blithely that the garnish for their food costs enough to feed a family for two weeks, then proceeding to act like that's totally normal. What are they supposed to take away from that? Is that fine? Why?

This is the best answer - make sure your kids know that richer does not make someone better. And that things rich people do or get are not always better. Someone can have a wonderful life while never travelling abroad, going to private school, etc.; and things like travel, private school, etc. do not make someone's life better, necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t live in the DMV anymore.

The city I live in is mostly very poor & has extremely low-performing public schools. A group of (almost all white) local private day & boarding school students started a free tutoring program for the public school kids. The advertising specifically stated it was for “needy X school kids.” These wealthy kids’ (untrained teenagers, mind you) parents have a lot of clout here and got a spot reserved in an establishment in our local mall multiple times a week for tutoring. There were billboards for it, a website with its own domain name & other similar forms of advertisement. The program had an Instagram account, and would post pictures of them tutoring these kids in raggedy clothes. The whole thing was in such poor taste, I cringed every time I saw the billboards. It was clear the tutors were doing it for college admissions, and each year the tutors would go off to top colleges, and by year 4 it dwindled down to nothing. I doubt the tutors will ever live in this city again. So patronizing.

Moral of the story: don’t do what those private school kids did.

Why? This sounds like a great program. They are helping. Do you have an issue with that? Isn't that what they are supposed to do? It is not poor taste at all unless they staged the pictures.

The rich white savior complex of people who’d never actually attend those public schools or step foot in them is appalling. It’s so obviously being done for college admissions.

I went to a poor performing public high school. Most of the kids there do not get a solid education. They could be helped by others that do. Or it could be a waste of time. We don't know. But it may be helpful if for no other reason than to plant a seed that there is something else out there. Maybe not better but something.

It’s using public school kids to pad your resumé.

[Anonymous]

I worked in DCPS but I sent both of my children to private schools. The math they do in 8th grade is on par with the most rigorous DCPS algebra class taught in 12th grade. Truancy is a real problem that destroys DCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked in DCPS but I sent both of my children to private schools. The math they do in 8th grade is on par with the most rigorous DCPS algebra class taught in 12th grade. Truancy is a real problem that destroys DCPS.

This is a load of crap. You must’ve taught at Cardozo or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing worse than rich, privileged kids thinking they understand poor people because they watched a documentary or read an article or because their parents vacationed in a developing country. In many cases, I’d prefer they just lean into their out-of-touchness. That unbridled confidence that you pay so much for makes it hard for them to admit that there are things they just don’t understand. So maybe just stop trying to drill some sense of perspective into them and teach them to be humble sometimes.

I like this answer a lot

Also, as Bill Cosby said, "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

If possible, make them work in demeaning, stressful jobs as teenagers, with strangers for bosses

Skip the summer internship at Uncle Ted's law firm

They'll still never really know the fear of growing up poor, but there are worse things to miss out on

Right, I’m going to look to Bill Cosby for morals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing worse than rich, privileged kids thinking they understand poor people because they watched a documentary or read an article or because their parents vacationed in a developing country. In many cases, I’d prefer they just lean into their out-of-touchness. That unbridled confidence that you pay so much for makes it hard for them to admit that there are things they just don’t understand. So maybe just stop trying to drill some sense of perspective into them and teach them to be humble sometimes.

I like this answer a lot

Also, as Bill Cosby said, "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

If possible, make them work in demeaning, stressful jobs as teenagers, with strangers for bosses

Skip the summer internship at Uncle Ted's law firm

They'll still never really know the fear of growing up poor, but there are worse things to miss out on

Right, I’m going to look to Bill Cosby for morals.

Durrr.... clever

Pretend someone else said it then

[Anonymous]

Actually Cliff Huxtable said it

There, all better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The public school your child would attend if they weren’t in private is probably the same in terms of demographics if you have a 7 figure HHI.

Because you choose to live in a neighborhood where everyone is rich and mostly white. Move.

Why? I could care a crap less about the race. But why would I not live someplace where everyone is rich? That is where rich people live.

If you choose to live where everyone is rich, don’t use the old tired reasoning that the private you send you kids to is actually more diverse than the neighborhood public.

I don't. It's a better school and better experience.

The comment was in response to the previous one about private vs. public in a wealthy neighborhood. Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

In my high school the valedictorian was a nasty, back-biting, terrible person. Went on to HYP school. Founded a large famous charity that was started as a college proposal. A very large charity.

You just never know where people will go!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, no. I worked my butt off to live this life of privilege (I am first gen) and want my DC to reap the benefits of what I’ve earned. I don’t want him to ever struggle and I’m happy to have him life in a bubble of one percenters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no. I worked my butt off to live this life of privilege (I am first gen) and want my DC to reap the benefits of what I’ve earned. I don’t want him to ever struggle and I’m happy to have him life in a bubble of one percenters.

But is your child going to play sports, go to college, be an entrepreneur or get a job someday? If yes to any or all of that, they’re going to need to know how to interact with people outside their bubble.