Do you care if your DC has perspective about their privilege?

[Anonymous]

I don't think understanding that you are privileged, on it's own, is worth much. The important thing to understand is that wealth doesn't tell you anything about whether a person is smart, hard-working, interesting, or worthy of your respect.

The caviar example in particular made me shudder. Imagine telling your child blithely that the garnish for their food costs enough to feed a family for two weeks, then proceeding to act like that's totally normal. What are they supposed to take away from that? Is that fine? Why?

[Anonymous]

Richer does not equal better.

If you believe it, then your kids might too.

[Anonymous]

Private schools in a he DMV can require service hours - real service. Not Mommy buys 3 turkeys and kid takes credit toward graduation. So many schools - STA, SJC and Langdon have kids doing meaningless to no service in a community in need of them. News flash for mom and dad - you are doing your sons no favors by protecting your bubble life.

[Anonymous]

If you intentionally put your kids in a bubble and like the environment it provides (there’s nothing wrong with admitting this- it’s a big reason people send to private schools in the first place) then you obviously care about that more than putting them in a socioeconomically diverse environment.

That said, your modest upbringing will be a message they grow up with. I grew up well off and going to private schools, but a) my grandparents on both sides grew up poor or middle class (depression babies and Holocaust survivors) and built everything they ever had from scratch and b) my own parents have always lived modestly despite having a high HHI- lived in a modest house in a nice neighborhood drove modest cars etc. As such, we grew up privileged but not terribly materialistic, and had an appreciation for the sacrifices our family made to get to that point. That’s kind of the best you can hope for without some kind of self serving poverty tourism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you intentionally put your kids in a bubble and like the environment it provides (there’s nothing wrong with admitting this- it’s a big reason people send to private schools in the first place) then you obviously care about that more than putting them in a socioeconomically diverse environment.

That said, your modest upbringing will be a message they grow up with. I grew up well off and going to private schools, but a) my grandparents on both sides grew up poor or middle class (depression babies and Holocaust survivors) and built everything they ever had from scratch and b) my own parents have always lived modestly despite having a high HHI- lived in a modest house in a nice neighborhood drove modest cars etc. As such, we grew up privileged but not terribly materialistic, and had an appreciation for the sacrifices our family made to get to that point. That’s kind of the best you can hope for without some kind of self serving poverty tourism.

I’ll also add that my parents have always given to charity and are very generous people. Those are the kinds of values you want to instill. Caring about your community and those who are less fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you intentionally put your kids in a bubble and like the environment it provides (there’s nothing wrong with admitting this- it’s a big reason people send to private schools in the first place) then you obviously care about that more than putting them in a socioeconomically diverse environment.

That said, your modest upbringing will be a message they grow up with. I grew up well off and going to private schools, but a) my grandparents on both sides grew up poor or middle class (depression babies and Holocaust survivors) and built everything they ever had from scratch and b) my own parents have always lived modestly despite having a high HHI- lived in a modest house in a nice neighborhood drove modest cars etc. As such, we grew up privileged but not terribly materialistic, and had an appreciation for the sacrifices our family made to get to that point. That’s kind of the best you can hope for without some kind of self serving poverty tourism.

+1. If you're not willing to immerse your lives in a different environment, it becomes tourism. The one thing I'll add, however, is I do want my kids to understand what it's like to be a good person unable to meet basic needs like education, food, and safe housing. We listen to audiobooks on long drives in order to help develop empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you intentionally put your kids in a bubble and like the environment it provides (there’s nothing wrong with admitting this- it’s a big reason people send to private schools in the first place) then you obviously care about that more than putting them in a socioeconomically diverse environment.

That said, your modest upbringing will be a message they grow up with. I grew up well off and going to private schools, but a) my grandparents on both sides grew up poor or middle class (depression babies and Holocaust survivors) and built everything they ever had from scratch and b) my own parents have always lived modestly despite having a high HHI- lived in a modest house in a nice neighborhood drove modest cars etc. As such, we grew up privileged but not terribly materialistic, and had an appreciation for the sacrifices our family made to get to that point. That’s kind of the best you can hope for without some kind of self serving poverty tourism.

+1. If you're not willing to immerse your lives in a different environment, it becomes tourism. The one thing I'll add, however, is I do want my kids to understand what it's like to be a good person unable to meet basic needs like education, food, and safe housing. We listen to audiobooks on long drives in order to help develop empathy.

I should add I grew up in a not great area. Having well-off people curious to learn more or offer charity sucks.

[Anonymous]

No I grew up poor and am rich now. I don't want to navel gaze and my kid is smart enough to figure it out. And, I hate the overuse of the word " privilege". Maybe buy a dictionary with all of that money you have OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's important to me are aware of economic realities so that:

1) They don't come off as clueless pricks. I've heard middle school kids say things like, "You've never been to Hawaii/Disneyworld/the Bahamas?" "Can your nanny take us?" "Your mom won't let you buy a new dress? OMG!"

2) They don't call themselves "middle class" when statistically, we are not. Our HHI is well above the median. We choose to own a Honda minivan instead of a Mercedes SUV and we own a house without a swimming pool--but that does not make us "middle class."

3) They are grateful for what they have. Gratitude is key to contentment.

4) They don't make fun of people, even unintentionally, who have less money, work blue collar jobs, or don't have the knowledge that comes with privileged travel and experiences.

5) They have resilience. They are calm when something doesn't go their way because they realize that things usually go their way in their privileged bubble.

6) They have common sense. I don't want them to be taking Ubers around NYC and Boston because they won't navigate the subway or T. I don't want them to be wearing $800 Moncler coats that they'll forget at a friend's house, or worse, get stolen at gunpoint.

[Anonymous]

Privilege is all relative. Most people who think about it actually are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I grew up poor and am rich now. I don't want to navel gaze and my kid is smart enough to figure it out. And, I hate the overuse of the word " privilege". Maybe buy a dictionary with all of that money you have OP.

Sounds like you want to pull the latter out from under you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Privilege is all relative. Most people who think about it actually are not.

OP has a $1M HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the community that you live in is more important than the school they attend for this.

But what you can do is welcome all classmates equally and not ignore the ones that come from further away or less money. Your children will judge what is important and who is worthy from watching you. Don't make comments about old cars or small houses etc, don't disparage others who make less or have less for any reason.

At times play on lower cost rec teams, attend lower cost camps, or do free/low cost type activities as part of what you do and don't put them down as being "less." Make playdate with kids/families meet through these things.

That's my advice, provide lots of exposure and little judgement. Show them the value in all people and in the spaces that they inhabit.

I am a middle class FA family and I agree with this. Just be welcoming to families that have less than you. Occasionally I encounter parents at school that are obviously uncomfortable and do not know how to relate to a person in a peer setting that is clearly not rich. These parents are what happens to rich children when they grow up with no perspective. The small comments you make about bad neighborhoods, small houses, crappy cars, etc, are exactly the things you don't realize your children are absorbing. You might be directly teaching your children good manners and how to behave at the country club, but you are indirectly teaching them that others are truly beneath you/them. That core foundational belief is pretty unshakeable once it is set.

+1
People who are less well off than you financially are not just objects of charity. (Indeed, some of them don't need charity at all, they just can't afford a SFH or a new car or a European vacation.) You need to ensure that your kids interact on a regular basis with people who don't live like you. They need to be in social situations where you and they interact with people who live in apartments or go to public school or drive old cars or whatever as peers and friends, not recipients of your generosity or employees.

And it's not enough not to buy them everything they want. They need to learn to solve problems in ways other than throwing money at them (and see you doing that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's important to me are aware of economic realities so that:

1) They don't come off as clueless pricks. I've heard middle school kids say things like, "You've never been to Hawaii/Disneyworld/the Bahamas?" "Can your nanny take us?" "Your mom won't let you buy a new dress? OMG!"

2) They don't call themselves "middle class" when statistically, we are not. Our HHI is well above the median. We choose to own a Honda minivan instead of a Mercedes SUV and we own a house without a swimming pool--but that does not make us "middle class."

3) They are grateful for what they have. Gratitude is key to contentment.

4) They don't make fun of people, even unintentionally, who have less money, work blue collar jobs, or don't have the knowledge that comes with privileged travel and experiences.

5) They have resilience. They are calm when something doesn't go their way because they realize that things usually go their way in their privileged bubble.

6) They have common sense. I don't want them to be taking Ubers around NYC and Boston because they won't navigate the subway or T. I don't want them to be wearing $800 Moncler coats that they'll forget at a friend's house, or worse, get stolen at gunpoint.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I grew up poor and am rich now. I don't want to navel gaze and my kid is smart enough to figure it out. And, I hate the overuse of the word " privilege". Maybe buy a dictionary with all of that money you have OP.

Of course you hate it.