Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

NP. Would you stay in your current job if you unexpectedly inherited 5 million dollars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

Op - I don’t know that this is true. Dh makes $250 which I’m sure some would consider ‘enough’ for me not to work but I disagree. I was brought up to believe that earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do. So it’s a little more complicated than what you say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

Op - I don’t know that this is true. Dh makes $250 which I’m sure some would consider ‘enough’ for me not to work but I disagree. I was brought up to believe that earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do. So it’s a little more complicated than what you say

DP here. I think that's enough, but also not that much. What if you were worth 100 million dollars? Would you stay in your current job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

Op - I don’t know that this is true. Dh makes $250 which I’m sure some would consider ‘enough’ for me not to work but I disagree. I was brought up to believe that earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do. So it’s a little more complicated than what you say

You are making it complicated. If you have the awareness that this judgement of unemployed people stems from the way you were brought up, then you have the potential to change that belief. Your judgement of non workers betrays your dissonance. Figure it out and stop using it as an excuse to avoid change.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I get it, OP. My SIL called me a loser b-word for not having any friends, but she hasn't worked since she married my brother - she literally lunches. Of COURSE she has more friends than someone who doesn't have many opportunities to meet people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

Op - I don’t know that this is true. Dh makes $250 which I’m sure some would consider ‘enough’ for me not to work but I disagree. I was brought up to believe that earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do. So it’s a little more complicated than what you say

...my HHI income (single parent w/o additional financial support) is $120K. $250K for a family of 3? 4? seems positively princely to me. But obviously every has different debts and standards of living so there's nothing wrong with continuing to work if want the additional income. That being said, I sure hope you're continuing to unpack the whole "earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do" weirdness with your therapist. Is the goal of your life really to be as rich as possible rather than as happy as possible? Or as useful as possible? Or as [whatever value you most esteem here] as possible?

[Anonymous]

I don’t struggle with it. I have worked absolutely crazy hours, been a SAHM for 3 years, worked part time, and am now full time during my years of parenting and I know I was the same person during all of that which probably helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! I think I'm in a similar life-place to you, OP. People who are just straight up wealthy don't bother me as much as 1) SAHM in rocky marriages who would be in a precarious position if divorced, 2) single middle aged women who stopped working with no visible means of support and complain about not having enough money, 3) single middle aged women who have some ridiculous rich-lady side hustle but no real job who complain about not having enough money, 4) divorced women who are in constant battles over child support but continue to rely on their ex rather than developing a strategy to make enough money to provide for themselves. In all cases these are smart, capable people with college degrees.

I think I get upset because I work hard out of fear that I'll end up living in a van down by the river and I have a weird resentment of women who don't react to their financial distress by buckling down and getting a job.

Wow, you really have a lot of problems with other women.

You know, women talk about the patriarchy and sexism but this post here tells you what women are really up against -- the cruel judgment of other women.

It's not that I hate women, it's that as a woman I feel the vulnerability of other women vicerally and react to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people wouldn't work if they didn't have to, so I would say there is probably some jealousy there.

NP. I agree. I'm sorry you have to work "crazy, bananas hard" OP. I used to have to do that. Now, I don't. I SAH and am enjoying the last few years I have with my kids before they all go off to college and beyond. I missed so much of their early lives trying to fulfill ambition that, in all honesty, was just a myth I had about myself. It wasn't my truth. I finally achieved what I was working for and it was B.S. I didn't want to be there. I hit the wall. I resigned and am a million times happier.

BTW, I don't "do nothing." I make a home for my family. It's a big deal if all you've ever done is outsource everything and half-assed your way through your evenings trying to fold laundry and check homework at the same time DH is ordering takeout. It's an honor and privilege to be a mother (and wife) to my family.

I hope you find your happiness one day, OP. Your envy signals that you haven't done so quite yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I’m a SAHM of a middle school kid and am embarrassed to admit it when meeting someone because I assume most people feel like OP.

I don’t think you’re envious, even a little. I assume you just can’t imagine circumstances where you’d make different choices.

But it’s worth examining how you’re triggered – outsized reactions to innocuous information comes from somewhere.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

Op - I don’t know that this is true. Dh makes $250 which I’m sure some would consider ‘enough’ for me not to work but I disagree. I was brought up to believe that earning as much as you can is the ‘right’ thing to do. So it’s a little more complicated than what you say

You think you have a moral/ethical duty to maximize your earnings? I’m sorry, that’s weird. It’s one thing to say “people should do something useful with their lives.” Entirely different to argue that a person should maximize their individual earnings at the expense of everything else (time with family, mental or physical health, personal happiness). That is a really grim personal philosophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

NP. Would you stay in your current job if you unexpectedly inherited 5 million dollars?

NP and I would. I have always enjoyed working, even though there are some crappy elements to it.

In life, no one gets out unscathed. It’s up to you which problems you want to have.

[Anonymous]

Why are women so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that focusing on whether or not that SAHMs of school-aged kids are making a bad choice is the wrong way to think about OP’s issue. It actually doesn’t matter. The issue is that OP is apparently having an outsized reaction to things that don’t impact her and that she can’t do anything about. People make terrible decisions all the time, and it’s important to notice when our reaction to those decisions are having a negative impact on our lives. Those reactions tell us about ourselves and might point to something in our life that we could actually change and make better.

I have had to work through this with a therapist. I used to ruminate in the shower about the way that some husbands treated their wives and this sort of got me down, even though my husband is amazing! And I didnt have this intense reaction to hearing about things that were objectively worse. Talking with my therapist, I realized that when I heard about men treating their wives badly, it subconsciously reminded me of my mom complaining of my dad treating her badly and sort of got me in that same headspace. I think I was ultimately a little unsure about my husband’s love and commitment for me. I worked on how to feel more secure in my marriage and on accepting the fact that life is always uncertain. Just thinking “well maybe these wives are exaggerating how bad it was” wouldn’t have helped.

Op - this is maybe it.
I think I was brought up and educated to believe that everyone should be contributing to society and that doing ‘nothing’ all day is inherently ‘less than’. So I have worked SO hard to fulfil that ‘destiny’ - and done work in politics and ngos and news and on campaigns etc. but I’m also tired so it’s like my trigger is my exhaustion and stress fighting with what my parents and very expensive private school raised me to think was ‘correct’

I’m one of the PPs, and newly SAH with school age kids. This was it for me, too. My parents revere and respect work and really imparted that to us. I get contributing to society. I worked almost continuously from 15-40 and also had some kids! You have contributed. You are still contributing if you’re bringing up kids and I bet you have decades left of useful healthy life in front of you and will do more work for the benefit of society, however you define it. It’s ok to be at leisure, too. If you think about it, so much human endeavor is about making life easier, more efficient, and more comfortable for people so that in theory we CAN enjoy leisure. But for some reason, instead of taking advantage of all those efficiencies and labor saving technology, we make ourselves work more.

You don’t owe society or capitalism your labor. Nothing wrong with taking some time to enjoy if you can afford it (which all that working and saving allowed me to do).

Capitalism? No. Society? Yes. Otherwise you're just a parasite.

Arbeit macht frei, baby.

Idk if the sign they had on concentration camps next to the word ‘baby’ is achieving what you want it to here

But what PP is alluding to is accurate: the theory that you're a parasite if you're not contributing with your labor was the justification for putting disabled people in camps. Obviously nobody is suggesting that we should do something like that, but the idea that people who don't labor are threats to society definitely has a chokehold on us.

I'm the PP who used the term parasite. I should have been more specific.

IMO, if you're able to contribute and choose not to - consistently over the course of your life - you're a parasite. This obviously doesn't apply to those can't contribute, those who have but have retired, or those who need to take a pause during their top productivity years for whatever reason.

And, again, "contributing" does not necessarily mean having a job. Maybe you're supporting others in need, maybe you're volunteering, maybe you're creating art for broad consumption rather than for profit, maybe you're planting trees... the possibilities are endless. Just something that contributes rather than sitting there and consuming resources without any useful output.