Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to purchase a home or condo in your DC's college town so you can continue the hand holding and hovering. You'll also likely become the type of hovering, interfering, giving advice in-laws that are so frequently criticized on this forum.

How old are your children?

late 30's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to purchase a home or condo in your DC's college town so you can continue the hand holding and hovering. You'll also likely become the type of hovering, interfering, giving advice in-laws that are so frequently criticized on this forum.

How old are your children?

late 30's

It is different now.

[Anonymous]

Np - with younger children so I don’t know the process anymore. How is it so different than when we went to college? How can you expect the kids to succeed in college when they can’t even do their own applications?

[Anonymous]

For all of you saying that OP's daughter should attend community college for a year or two, please be aware that if there is a chance of a student getting merit aid, that aid might not be available to transfer students. Some schools give it for transfers; some don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np - with younger children so I don’t know the process anymore. How is it so different than when we went to college? How can you expect the kids to succeed in college when they can’t even do their own applications?

Exactly. High time for natural consequences. Community college is her option IF she REALLY wants college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to purchase a home or condo in your DC's college town so you can continue the hand holding and hovering. You'll also likely become the type of hovering, interfering, giving advice in-laws that are so frequently criticized on this forum.

How old are your children?

late 30's

This is why I asked. You have absolutely no clue about what the process is. It is completely different. And you’re dealing with kids who are reporting double the amount of mental health issues than when your kids were in high school. The “tough love” approach you’re espousing is not the fix you think it is. Believe me, I am a 56 year old who set up her own college interviews and pretty much did everything without my parents. My spouse and I are very much about empowering our kids to take responsibility. AND the landscape is very different now.

-parent of a 21 & 17 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np - with younger children so I don’t know the process anymore. How is it so different than when we went to college? How can you expect the kids to succeed in college when they can’t even do their own applications?

How many college applications did you fill out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np - with younger children so I don’t know the process anymore. How is it so different than when we went to college? How can you expect the kids to succeed in college when they can’t even do their own applications?

How many college applications did you fill out?

How about you answer the questions?

[Anonymous]

If she can’t get into schools she should get into, have her take a gap year. A gap year has no impact on your future. A garbage college is on your resume forever.

[Anonymous]

Look into rolling admissions schools.

[Anonymous]

Has OP ever posted again? If not this seems like a troll post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Is this kind of behavior unusual for your DD? If she is usually one to turn things in and handle responsibilities independently, then something deeper might be going on with this college process, perhaps fear or uncertainty. If, all along, you suspected she would procrastinate and need a lot of help with this process, it may be a sign that she is not ready to go off far from home and handle the rigors of 4-year college next year. There is no shame in that. All kids develop in their own time. However, when the dust has settled on Jan. 4, it feels a heart-to-heart is needed to figure out what's going on here. Good luck.

Again, many parents disagree with that.

There can be ADHD going on, but it doesn't mean that all students with ADHD need to head straight to community college. Plenty of kids with executive function issues do well in selective colleges, and do well in the workforce and in their private lives, but if they're significantly impacted, they need medication and support from their school then the college's disability office. It's why these meds and structures exist!!!

Maybe it's anxiety, not ADHD. Maybe there's something else going on.

It's a HUGE overreaction to drastically change the course of a young person's life by shuffling them off the expected path, just because the parent did not accompany their kid in the college application process, or the kid adamantly refused parental supervision.

Yes, I said it. These days applications are so complex (even with the Common App), and college entry so competitive, that MOST SENIORS CANNOT DO IT ALL THEMSELVES.
Parents who don't know or accept this are sabotaging their children.

I am not blaming parents, mind. I am blaming a ridiculous system that exists nowhere else in the world, where every college makes their own rules, there are multiple moving parts and multiple actors the students depend on. Recommenders sometimes don't come through; school counselors sometimes don't write their letter; high schools may ask for 3 weeks lead time to send transcripts, so last-minute new apps can't be sent on time; tests scores, if requested for specific colleges after the test date, need at least two weeks to arrive (three during the Holidays); deadlines are not the same for every college; a lot of colleges request mid-year transcripts, and that's another deadline; beyond the personal statement, most colleges require a supplemental essay, and they do their best to have an original question so the student can't just copy and paste from another app...

I don't know of a SINGLE 17 year old who was able to do all this by themselves. And I know some very intelligent, organized, college-focused 17 year olds!

I know some seasoned adults who would struggle if they had to do all that juggling on top of a regular work day, chores and sports (or whatever activities).

All the criticism you've unleashed on teens suffering through this process would be better served by demanding a complete overhaul of college admissions. The rest of the world does it differently. It's not like there aren't any other options!

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Why did you trust her?

Because you didn’t want to deal with the stress yourself. You conned yourself into thinking that one of your emerging adult’s largest life decisions and one of your largest investments could be left to an anxious 17/18-year old. Oops!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np - with younger children so I don’t know the process anymore. How is it so different than when we went to college? How can you expect the kids to succeed in college when they can’t even do their own applications?

The common app streamlines some of the process, but as a result, many competitive colleges have supplemental essays. I applied to 5 colleges - I think two had essays, the rest did not. a kid with good grades and good sat scores would get into a competitive college when I applied (early 90s). Now it is much harder to predict so kids apply to a greater number of colleges - so let’s say 12 (which may be on the low end). You write your common app essay. Let’s say 8 of the schools have supplemental essays - so another 10-15 or so essays depending on how the school sets up their supplemental. Plus many schools consider demonstrated interest so you need to do some magic combo of visiting, watching online programs, meeting reps when the come to the area, following on Instagram, signing up for new apps, emailing the admissions rep, creating a video, and then applying Ed or ea. given the number of applications for Ed or ea, you could be deferred so then you have to write letters of continuing interest to any school where you have been deferred. This is all while managing your normal course load, sports and other ecs. No one is saying it can’t be done, but it is a lot more time consuming that it was in the early 90s with a lot less predictability which makes it harder on the kids.

[Anonymous]

It seems unlikely that someone would assume their kid has applied to colleges and be surprised that they haven’t applied. You have to pay a fee to apply so the vast majority of students at least will borrow a parent’s credit card to pay for these applications. If you never saw a charge or were asked for your card then your kid didn’t apply.