Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years?

OP here.

I’m 48 soon to be 49. Our youngest is 7. We’ve been engaged 7 1/2 years. I have a 12 year old and a 15 year old. His two older children are 27 and 25.

Why?

It sounds as if you need to look after yourself and your kids. He isn't going to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

She’s a homemaker caring for his home and his child. That is what she brings to the table. That is a contribution - a big one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

She’s a homemaker caring for his home and his child. That is what she brings to the table. That is a contribution - a big one.

His kids are adults and he had a home before she came in his life so looks to me that she is getting to stay for free, and let him support her kids financially and now want more without contributing financially. That's not bringing enough to the table, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Op, not sure what you expect from readers here. He had a house before meeting you so why would he would you on the title and share the wealth with you? You need to get a job a job and build your own equity.

[Anonymous]

Op was any of this discussed before you were engaged?

[Anonymous]

Go to the courthouse on Monday when it opens. DC will let you marry each other for $35 without needing a minister or justice of the peace. There’s even a cute little chapel in there if that’s what you want. Problem solved. Mazel Tov!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, not sure what you expect from readers here. He had a house before meeting you so why would he would you on the title and share the wealth with you? You need to get a job a job and build your own equity.

because they *have a child she is caring for.* A good person would have married OP so she was protected financially. Barring that, put the house in her name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.

+1

All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.

Why he needs to do that when Op doesn't bring anything to the table. Op, doesn't have a job, probably don't contribute in the family expenses and retirement and now want her share in his house. Looks like she could completely screw his kids over.

She’s a homemaker caring for his home and his child. That is what she brings to the table. That is a contribution - a big one.

His kids are adults and he had a home before she came in his life so looks to me that she is getting to stay for free, and let him support her kids financially and now want more without contributing financially. That's not bringing enough to the table, sorry.

Then he can reimburse her for 7 years of FT childcare, housekeeping, and other errands at the market rate, as well as what a surrogate would have cost. Don’t forget her forgone social security contributions. My guess is that all adds up to about half the home equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everybody thinking the guy is a jerk? He seems sane… sounds like OP wants to sit on her butt, barely work, have this man take care of her, their kid, her kids, and be put on the house? Looks like OP has nothing in her name, no retirement and refused to work at the age of 50! Sounds like he put a ring on it and then realized her true colors…

They aren’t married. She has stayed home taking care of their joint child and has zero financial protection in return, since she would get nothing in a divorce or will. That’s a huge problem and yes, he is a jerk for putting her in this position.

agree, but she's also dumb for putting herself in this situation, for 7 flipping years.

If you are going to be a sahm, or only work PT, and you have a child, you had better have some form of financial security. If your DH is not providing that, then you need to get yourself a FT job that pays decently.

-signed a DW

DP, not the one you're responding to, but: This post is so typical of this thread. Judge the OP but don't offer any concrete advice other than "get a job." Everyone these days thinks it's magically easy to walk into a job. A low-paying, by-the-hour service sector job? Sure. A career position paying a wage that could help get the mortgage that could help someone start really saving substantially? At OP's age? Not so easy.

The vast majority of women on here worked while taking care of kids.

OP is a PT sahm. Her one kid is in school FT. I presume they don't home school. OP could go back to school, get a certificate or something. Anything to get a decent paying job. She doesn't have to pay for a mortgage, childcare, student loan, etc.. I doubt she is paying for any bills. Whatever she earns, she can save and build a little nest egg for herself.

I went to a low rated commuter college. I met women there who had kids. Some were in their 30s, 40s. It's never too late to get a degree.

That's the advice she should be taking. Clearly, her DH isn't going to leave her much, if anything, so she needs to grow up and take some responsibility for herself. Sounds to me like she was relying on her 7-yr-fiancee to take care of her. That's not a great plan. Sure her DH sounds like a douche, so what's her plan? Just complain about it until he gives? How's that worked out for her for 7 flipping years.

She should stay with him to get free housing and food, while she gets a degree/cert and a decent paying job. Then build her safety net. Most of her earnings should be put away for retirement and a safety net. That's what I would do.

I'm 52. I worked and saved, then had kids. My DH earns a decent amount, but I wasn't going to rely on him long term for my financial security. That's a dumb plan for any woman these days. It's not like we live in the 1950s where a woman couldn't get a good paying job. You never want to be in a position where you have to rely on someone else for your security.

[Anonymous]

This is literally the kind of fact pattern that the doctrine of common law marriage was created for. Because it would be so manifestly unfair to leave someone like OP with no financial support. I’m not saying that OP meets the criteria for common law marriage - just, the situation she is in is so tenuous and risky to vulnerable women that the law stretched to create a remedy for it. OP should not hide from this realization and should start working to protect herself financially.

OP my best advice is to do this very calmly but assertively. You deserve financial security one way or another. Whether that’s by getting on the title or making other plans. You also haven’t spoken to the question of why the marriage hasn’t happened. Please be realistic about that as well.

What is likely in your best interest is to get back into the workplace with additional training if you need it. While living unmarried and not on the title was a financial compromise, it may be your best bet going forward until your kids are independent, since maintaining your own house will be expensive and it will be easier to work if you live together.

Now here is where you have to be assertive: ALL of your salary is going into savings. If your “fiance” complains, discuss that you need to have financial security because you are unmarried/not on title.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above two posters. OP can quickly get missing accounting credits and even sit for a CPA in a matter of 2 years, if she already has some college education. She won't benefit by breaking up with her "fiance" and moving out on his CS. It won't be enough to maintain a separate household and she will be in deep poverty.

First, get a well paying job which will take 3-4 years, then consider breaking up depending on what he does. But she can also stay at his free house forever if she's saving all her salary 100%. No mixing her salary with his until she has at least a million in 401k.

[Anonymous]

After 7-1/2 years your fiance is not going to change.

Get a full time job. Get an education if you need to.

Move out. Get child support for the three kids that you have (the one with your fiance and the two older kids.)

If you have only been working a part time job for years your social security payments will be very, very low when you are a senior. Boost your hours and income.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Your fiance has no reason or incentive to put you on the title of the house.

In his eyes he has been housing and supporting your 3 kids for over 7 years and probably feels like that is good enough.

[Anonymous]

OP, Get certified as a CNA or start studying to be an xray tech.

I'm currently starting CNA's at $25 per hour and have some making $31 per hour.