husband and daughter missing christening due to sports

[Anonymous]

Also, is this a tournament where there are multiple games? Missing one game is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your older child?

When my kids were little, we thought travel sports were sooooo important. Over time, we realized that most families miss a tournament once in a while. To me, christening trumps sports. Husband and son should skip the tourney. Especially if he is, say, 7.

Yeah this. I look back and am embarrassed at times at how invested we were. They can miss the tournament. It's really not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, is this a tournament where there are multiple games? Missing one game is not a big deal.

It sounds like it is out of town all weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like other posters feel it too...OP what aren't you telling us?

...your marriage is on the rocks?
...your husband comes from a culture that prioritizes sports / boys over all else?
...your husband finds excuses not to spend time with the family?
...your husband is having an affair with another soccer parent?
...your husband hates your family?
...why did you intentionally have kids with such a large age gap?

Quite likely at least three of these things are true.

...your husband is not as religious as you'd like to think?
...your husband is just over the little-kid parenting thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

The christening of your child isn’t something only one parent can conquer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are baptizing our young son in a few weeks. My older son has an important soccer tournament that weekend and my husband will be taking him. They will both miss the baptism. we are unable to reschedule since my parents are flying in from another country. They are furious that the father will miss this important milestone.
They asked if someone else can take my son to play and although that is logistically possible, my husband declined. He is very invested in my son's soccer. My parents aren't thrilled that my other son is missing this either.
I am annoyed too but nothing I say will change anything so I don't bother trying to convince him.
My questions are: is it that bad that they are missing this?
How do I get my parents to back off?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looked at another way, OP, you are prioritizing your parents' attendance over your husband and son's. If it's that important to you that he be there, reschedule.

It’s kind of unfortunate that the in-laws are playing a role here. I think it’s a red herring. The dad is being a jerk regardless of what the in laws think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here to clarify.
Subject line should say son. I also have a daughter but she is going to baptism. Baptism was scheduled months ago so my parents can purchase flights. Plus, baptisms are a big deal in my culture and it is traditional to host a luncheon afterwards so we had to book restaurant and send invitations. This was all scheduled well before we knew about tournament.
Son is 15. Husband is of the same faith as me and his entire family will be there.

You had to have known the tournament was a possibility and that there was a chance your husband and son would not be available. You played the odds and lost. I get the logistics - I have a kid in travel sports and I had baptisms for all of my kids. But you prioritized your baby and parents over your son and husband and now are upset that they called you on it. And clearly when you realized there was a conflict instead of looking into the possibility of changing the dates, you dug in your heels decided to continue prioritizing baby and parents.

I would be upset to miss my baby’s baptism. But I’m not so sure I’d make a different choice. Either way I’m going to have to pick which kid to support.

And even a few weeks out you can still change it. Your parents can change their arrangements and you can move the date.

OP here. The son we are baptizing is also my husband's son and just as important. He was involved with choosing the date. The fact that you are making this all about me is just plain weird.
Also, all kids are biological kids.
No way to change the date this late in the game. Read my earlier comment. Church reserved and booked solid. Restaurant reserved. Guests are attending. Flights booked.

Majority wins in this case.

Who precisely gets a vote in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

It's really a simple choice:
Either you are planning to raise your child in your faith, and this baptism is a critical part of their eternal salvation, or you aren't.

I can imagine a scenario where baptism isn't actually important to you and you chose to do this to make someone else (your parents?) happy. In that case, just own up to it and cancel the baptism.

If you do believe that baptism is a holy sacrament, then I can't even believe you'd consider doing it without your husband there.

[Anonymous]

I’d insist DH attend the baptism. Really, truly insist.

[Anonymous]

I'm not religious and this seems very sad for you OP. Curious what else is going on beyond this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really a simple choice:
Either you are planning to raise your child in your faith, and this baptism is a critical part of their eternal salvation, or you aren't.

I can imagine a scenario where baptism isn't actually important to you and you chose to do this to make someone else (your parents?) happy. In that case, just own up to it and cancel the baptism.

If you do believe that baptism is a holy sacrament, then I can't even believe you'd consider doing it without your husband there.

This. All of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the sports tournament would not happen in my family. Full stop.

Years from now, you will remember the christening - you will have family pictures and talk about the day. I guarantee you that your child and husband will not remember that exact sports tournament years from now.

This exactly. The baby will ask where was dad. for sure. There will be MANY more soccer games, but only one christening.

If true your older child is seven, it is crazy to miss a Christening for a soccer game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looked at another way, OP, you are prioritizing your parents' attendance over your husband and son's. If it's that important to you that he be there, reschedule.

It’s kind of unfortunate that the in-laws are playing a role here. I think it’s a red herring. The dad is being a jerk regardless of what the in laws think.

I agree with this. OP, I know you can't control your DH but assuming this is important to you and to your kids, I really think you should talk seriously with him about how much it means for him to be at this important ceremony rather than at one of many sports games that will be completely forgotten by this time next year. But definitely leave your parents out of it. Bringing them into the conversation gives him the excuse of saying you are just afraid of upsetting them instead of caring about him/his opinion and it's hard to counteract that because, at least the way your original post was framed, it does kinda sound like the real reason you're upset about this is mainly because your parents are (also) being jerks about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby won't know dad wasn't there.
Sometimes parents have to divide and conquer.

It's unfortunate but, I agree with your husband here.

The christening of your child isn’t something only one parent can conquer.

No? Single parents aren’t allowed to baptize their children? Didn’t know that.

Single parents are allowed to have their children baptized in the Catholic Church. If the PP was referring to the Catholic Church, perhaps they meant that if you are treating your faith seriously, it’s very hard to do if there is another parent in the house who treats it as optional. I think this goes beyond faith to any type of characteristics you are trying to instill in your child.