My DH really disappointed me this Christmas by . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

You said that you bought it yourself earlier in the thread.

IDK. I buy my own gift, as I am very particular in what I like. It never makes it under the tree, especially because this year it’s a very well bred Dutch Warmblood foal and won’t fit!

Obviously I meant that I select my gift. You are fixated on the concept that me selecting my gift makes it not a gift. Is this because you feel strongly about women bearing the brunt of the “mental load”? If so, I am sorry that is the case in your family. DH and I split the mental load pretty well so maybe this isn’t a trigger for me like it seems to be for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

You said that you bought it yourself earlier in the thread.

IDK. I buy my own gift, as I am very particular in what I like. It never makes it under the tree, especially because this year it’s a very well bred Dutch Warmblood foal and won’t fit!

Obviously I meant that I select my gift. You are fixated on the concept that me selecting my gift makes it not a gift. Is this because you feel strongly about women bearing the brunt of the “mental load”? If so, I am sorry that is the case in your family. DH and I split the mental load pretty well so maybe this isn’t a trigger for me like it seems to be for you.

It’s not a trigger for me. I’m not the one buying myself things and pretending my husband gets them for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH still has no job after nearly a year. Disappointed is an understatement.

how is that even possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

You said that you bought it yourself earlier in the thread.

IDK. I buy my own gift, as I am very particular in what I like. It never makes it under the tree, especially because this year it’s a very well bred Dutch Warmblood foal and won’t fit!

Obviously I meant that I select my gift. You are fixated on the concept that me selecting my gift makes it not a gift. Is this because you feel strongly about women bearing the brunt of the “mental load”? If so, I am sorry that is the case in your family. DH and I split the mental load pretty well so maybe this isn’t a trigger for me like it seems to be for you.

It’s not a trigger for me. I’m not the one buying myself things and pretending my husband gets them for me.

Hmm, well, I suppose your problem is more about just being a sad, pathetic loser who finds happiness by sh$tting on other people’s happiness over the Internet! Good luck with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

NP. I'm trying to keep up. You "bought it for yourself" by picking it out AND he "bought it for you" by paying for it with money that is joint money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

NP. I'm trying to keep up. You "bought it for yourself" by picking it out AND he "bought it for you" by paying for it with money that is joint money?

DP

[Anonymous]

My DH disappointed me this year by insisting upon staying dead. He's been at this for well over a decade, and once again missed his Christmas Eve birthday where he would have turned 51. Once again he ducked out of all the parenting responsibilities of making it a nice holiday for the kids. This is really going to affect his performance review.

[Anonymous]

My DH disappointed me this year by insisting upon staying dead. He's been at this for well over a decade, and once again missed his Christmas Eve birthday where he would have turned 51. Once again he ducked out of all the parenting responsibilities of making it a nice holiday for the kids. This is really going to affect his performance review.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for horse lady—NP—I’m still not getting why this is a present from your husband. Is it his money? If you’re using your money to buy something that you’ve picked out for yourself, isn’t that a present from you to you? That’s totally okay—I buy myself presents every Christmas! But I don’t tell people they are from my husband. I’m just trying to understand what makes it a present from your husband instead of f just something you bought for yourself.

Well, I have 4 horses already of various older ages, 1 already retired. I was sorrowfully talking about another one of mine getting older and retiring soon (he needs to step down from his current level due to arthritis), and DH said, “well, why don’t you find a really nice baby to replace him, and I’ll buy it for you for Christmas!” That SEEMS like a gift to me? It was a lovely surprise as an additional horse is a large ongoing expense, and I hadn’t even considered it.

I find it very weird how fixated some of you are on having something under the tree in wrapping paper as the only “gift” that constitutes a gift.

No one is fixated on this.
Honestly, I find it even more odd if you spend tons of time and money picking out a present for yourself that you wrap up and put under the tree, pretending it’s from your husband.

Your husband didn’t get you anything. It’s fine. Why are you so caught up in saying this was a gift from him?

Why are you so caught up in saying it isn’t a gift?! He literally paid for this horse and gave it to me. What is wrong with you?

You said that you bought it yourself earlier in the thread.

IDK. I buy my own gift, as I am very particular in what I like. It never makes it under the tree, especially because this year it’s a very well bred Dutch Warmblood foal and won’t fit!

Obviously I meant that I select my gift. You are fixated on the concept that me selecting my gift makes it not a gift. Is this because you feel strongly about women bearing the brunt of the “mental load”? If so, I am sorry that is the case in your family. DH and I split the mental load pretty well so maybe this isn’t a trigger for me like it seems to be for you.

It’s not a trigger for me. I’m not the one buying myself things and pretending my husband gets them for me.

Hmm, well, I suppose your problem is more about just being a sad, pathetic loser who finds happiness by sh$tting on other people’s happiness over the Internet! Good luck with that!

Woah. I’m not trying to sh!t on your happiness.
I just think all the advice telling women to buy themselves presents, wrap them, put them under the tree, and pretend they are from their husbands is odd. If you think this is a great thing to do, and frequently advise other women to do it, then great, tell us why. If this doesn’t actually apply to you, because you didn’t actually buy your own gift, then kindly remove yourself from this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got into a fight a few days ago because I booked Reagan instead of Dulles. He refused to come along on our family vacation and today he didn't even call.

He's cheating. Sorry

+1

I usually don’t jump to this conclusion, but yes. I hope you have a job and your own money, because not spending Christmas with you and your kids is an escalation. Get your ducks in a row if they aren’t already.

No, he is not cheating, we ahave ring cameras and I can see that he hasn't even left home once. Probably just sleeping, watching movies and enjoying his vacation. I traveled with two kids out of state and now have no help in the hotel. Coming back after new years and not looking forward to having no help in the airport again. Oh and I booked Reagan instead of Dulles to avoid connecting flights which was the right call due to all the weather and flight cancellations. He just didn't want to drive the extra 20 minutes and doesn't adjust to changes easily, very rigid, so he missed Christmas with us and will also miss New Years.