SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
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Anonymous
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SIL is pregnant with #2. For a variety of reasons, she got rid of all her baby stuff from #1. She says she didn't have room to store it all (understandable) but having known her for the better part of 20 years, I also know that she is bit materialistic and likes "all new."
For baby #1, I hosted her a baby shower and helped make sure she got all the necessary big ticket items that she wanted. She makes a comfortable income but for all of her showers or gift requests (wedding showers, baby shower and Christmas/birthday "lists") she asks for items that are outside the price point that she'd buy for herself. That's not my style but I've tried to accept that she and I do things differently. But this time, it's really bothering me. Especially because I've offered to pass along things (like carseat) from our 2nd. She claims it won't fit in one of their cars and they need a different one, that is significantly more $$$ than my Chicco that fit in the back of small sedan. For baby #2 she is having several showers hosted by her husband's family and in different locations based on friend groups. I'm invited to all of them even tho they are several hours away (one of them being 4 hours away and I don't know anyone except her). Her registry again has some big ticket items that are higher than what she'd buy if she had to buy for herself. I want to celebrate my future niece/nephew but all the showers feels like a total gift grab for big ticket items she won't buy herself. She knows we are able to buy nice gifts but I'm not feeling it. I also know she'll turn around and resell them in a few months when she's done (as opposed to donating, which I personally think you should do with items gifted to you). Years ago I bought her a high end purse for a milestone bday that she went on and on about wanting. She resold it within a year because "it was too heavy." I'm venting the void of the unanimous internet and asking for permission to not attend the showers and only buy 1 gift (and possibly another for her child #1: for becoming a "big"). |
Anonymous
| Permission granted. Regardless of circumstances. |
Anonymous
| I would attend only one of the baby showers she’d invited me to, and would spend about $50 on a gift. Maybe two six month dresses from the Gap or something. |
Anonymous
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Just buy her one item off her list.
You don't even need to attend any shower, although if you have the time, it would be nice to go to one that's convenient for you. I don't like hand me downs, but feel bad asking other people for really nice things, so anything very expensive I buy myself. My favorite baby item was my beloved Stokke Xplory stroller - no way would I ask my friends to pay for that 
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Anonymous
| Go to the shower you feel most comfortable attending. You do not need to buy off the registry if you don't want to. Get some diapers and call it a day. |
Anonymous
| I hear you 100%. In this case I would do what you say but I would make sure that the gift that you choose is "big" enough. I'd be at least annoyed and close to angry that I had to do that but I would. I would also probably contact the host with profuse apologies and a "heads up in case you are doing any coordinating of larger gifts" that you are getting XYZ to hedge against any chatter (not that I read that in your message at all, but we know how things go) that you are being cheap or resentful or whatever. |
Anonymous
| Send one item. Or bring one item to one shower. That’s it. You are not obligated to go 4 hours for a second baby shower. No way. No how. |
Anonymous
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I mean, does she expect you to attend all of them? Or were you invited so you could decide which one to attend?
You can decline all of them, and send a gift, or you can attend one and take a gift. I’d be surprised if they expected you to send 4 gifts. |
Anonymous
| Wow, every sentence of your post is dripping with your disdain. Why go at all if you hate her so much? Gross. |
Anonymous
| Are these all women only showers? |
Anonymous
+1 although if you have a conflict, you can also skip the shower. |
Anonymous
NP. You spend so much time on DCUM and love to end your posts with your own disdainful “Gross.” Grow up. This lady wants to vent about her obnoxious, materialistic SIL. She’s allowed. |
Anonymous
+1 Agree. Maybe SIL only needs certain items, which is fine, OP. Maybe a bunch of people can go in on one big item. It really doesn't have to be a big deal, OP. Really. Buy what you want, chances are, your SIL really does not care about presents or a "gift grab" (sic) nearly as much as you. When I hear/read the anti SIL sentiment, I wonder how threatened the OP really feels about the new woman in the family. So obvious. |
Anonymous
It IS a social faux-pas to have several showers. Most wealthy nations don't even have this baby shower tradition. It is clearly a gift grab, but the first shower is tolerable and the others... not so much. OP can be kind and buy something. But the SIL is pegged as materialistic, certainly. |
Anonymous
| we bought the Silver Cross Balmoral Pram because we didn’t feel comfortable asking friends for it. |