SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, every sentence of your post is dripping with your disdain. Why go at all if you hate her so much? Gross.

Seriously. Go to one shower.

[Anonymous]

You have an exhausting number of rules about how people can use gifts they have been given, and quite frankly you come across as materialistic yourself (Stokke chairs, all the LV name dropping). Why don’t you just buy your SIL a gift, RSVP ‘no’ to the showers, and use the time you’ve saved to read a book?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the purse was too heavy Op. Should she have given it back to you? So she sold it to buy something better suited for her. Have you never wanted something and then it arrived and it wasn’t for you? Everyone knows you don’t have to go to all of the showers and bring gifts for each one. You sound bitter and weird. You don’t dictate how a person uses a gift and maybe she’s short on money due to time off work for the baby and sells items no longer needed. My DDs preschool holds a yearly consignment sale and I make extra $ selling things that I bought or were gifted to me. I donate some too. Buy some baby shampoo for SIL as a gift and move on.

OP here. A bit more context - it was a LV Neverfull that she HAD to have. Her mother even got involved and suggested that "we" should get it for her. Her mom chipped in less than $100 (because that's what she could afford to contribute. Fine. I didn't have an issue w/that. But I share this piece of info because SIL was making such a fuss that the whole family knew she wanted this bag that even her mom was trying to figure out how to get it for her. So we got it the year she was pregnant with #1 that coincided with a milestone birthday with the added bonus that "it can be used as a diaper bag.") Less than a year later I never saw it again and her mother mentioned how she sold it because "it was too heavy for her." To my knowledge, she did not replace it with anything comparable. Yes, maybe she needed the money. Maybe it was too heavy. Maybe she decided she didn't like it. It irks me. If that makes me a jerk. I'm a jerk.

I had to vent. The materialism and over consumption bugs me combined with the expectation that people will buy her things that she won't or can't buy herself.

I got a Burberry bag I wanted to use as a diaper bag and it was also too heavy. It is collecting dust in my closet.

I don’t think your SIL is at fault here and she is allowed to do with a gift after gift is given. You and the rest of the family should not have given her the bag if it was out of your budget. I don’t think wanting a bag for a milestone birthday is a big deal. Cheaper than a trip.

OP here. The NF was not out of my budget and none of my previous gifts have been. At one point I was happy to be able to buy her things that she expressed a desire for but it's gotten to the point where it feels like she come to expects it (from me and others) and it irks me. I like to give gifts. I like to be generous. But it feels like the generosity is expected or taken advantage of. Case in point, we have the stokke tripp trapp chairs. She had never seen or heard of them before visiting us and she has no interest in the fact that pediatric dietitians recommend them or even because of the aesthetics of them. I'd wager a bet that if they were from IKEA or cost under $100 she would not have registered for it. She wants it because it's a status symbol. Another family friend offered a non-stokke grow-as-you-go version and she was direct that she'll wait to see if someone buys the stokke off of her registry before considering the pass down. She even mentioned that she knows they have a good resale value! If no one buys it off the registry, she won't be buying it for herself. I can guarantee it. I realize I'm wasting time overthinking all of this but the flagrant expectation for people to gift her new expensive gifts especially after giving away or selling previous gifts seems incredibly selfish.

Of course I'll be buying my future nephew or niece gifts but I've decided to buy off registry and buy something for the child not something that will contribute to her status conscious.

There are lots of people like this. Just don’t buy her the chair. Who cares?

My children create wish lists with some ridiculous requests. It is just a wish list.

My oldest is now 12. I have been invited and attended tons of showers over the years. Some people who are wealthy and have family members who can easily afford the bugaboo or stokke you would not blink at. I am just a guest and have always spent $50-200 depending on my relationship.

I have a friend from a LMC family. For her shower, she only registered for super expensive items she could not afford and would never buy herself. I hosted her shower and still bought her a $150 gift off the registry. Almost no one bought from her registry.

Maybe she had some rich friends? Maybe she thinks your family is rich?

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone who says that you should buy one reasonably priced gift and move on.

But if you did want to make a statement and be passive aggressive, donate a good sum to a women’s shelter in her name and tell her you know she’d rather see your money used to help those truly in need.