Heavy woman not getting many dates via OLD

[Anonymous]

I don't get many dates from OLD as a woman in my late twenties living in the Bay Area. The big factor I assume is that I'm morbidly obese, have a BMI of 47.5. This is down from 53.0 last year. I'm trying to lose weight slowly and have stopped trying to date right now and plan to restart in the summer of fall. I'm wondering for larger woman that have success dating (are sought out), what is your BMI? I think I have a good personality and have a good job, but in OLD that is not most important.I'm wondering at what point I'm attractive not necessarily to the majority, but some people. It may be hard since there aren't many obese people in the area.

[Anonymous]

I can’t answer your question, but keep up the good work! Slow is the way to go to maintain lasting change. There is a lid for every pot, but worry about that after you take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

^^ Excellent advice above for you OP.

Congrats on your results thus far!! 🥳

[Anonymous]

I got plenty of dates w/ a BMI of 30-31, and I’m 5’9. But I gained 20-30 lbs in the pandemic and now it’s harder but I’ve also lost confidence. Taking a break right now.

[Anonymous]

OLD is inherently focused on superficial qualities, so if you are heavy, people either ignore you or you get attention from people with a fetish. It's an issue for people with any sort of physical characteristics outside of the norm. It is probably best to focus on meeting people more traditional ways, although I'm sure the pandemic has made that very hard, if not impossible. But as the world is starting to return to normal, you might want to think about ways to meet people. Otherwise, good for you losing that weight. Slow and steady is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t answer your question, but keep up the good work! Slow is the way to go to maintain lasting change. There is a lid for every pot, but worry about that after you take care of yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Men don't care much about your job, OP. You'll need to get your weight down to be competitive in the dating market. Most men want fit (in shape) women. That's the cold, hard truth. Keep working at it, hire a personal fitness trainer to motivate you. I'm rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

Man here. Get good photos done (but not that look "professional" or peopel may think it's a fake). Dress well and with good make-up. A photographer can do the right angles for you -- you probably have an ample bosom so show that off.

[Anonymous]

I think that geography may be working against you. Urban areas such as the bay area tend to have more thin people who are seeking thin people to date. Rural areas have more heavier people in general who are also more open to dating heavier people. Just my observations. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I imagine it will get easier once you cross the line from morbidly obese to just overweight, so keep up with the workouts and the diet. Honestly, most of the overweight people I know have found partners, if they have good personalities and are out there making the effort. You may have to consider whether your pool is narrow and making it harder - make sure you're open to guys who also aren't "perfect" catches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OLD is inherently focused on superficial qualities, so if you are heavy, people either ignore you or you get attention from people with a fetish. It's an issue for people with any sort of physical characteristics outside of the norm. It is probably best to focus on meeting people more traditional ways, although I'm sure the pandemic has made that very hard, if not impossible. But as the world is starting to return to normal, you might want to think about ways to meet people. Otherwise, good for you losing that weight. Slow and steady is the way to go.

Let's not make this an OLD issue. 99% of straight men are not attracted to her. Some people may say its mean but it is the god honest truth. She needs to continue to lose weight to be a bit more "normal" sized".

[Anonymous]

I’m fat and I did OLD in the Bay Area. My BMI was more like mid to high 30s at the time, but I’m quite muscular.

It’s a numbers game. I never got tons of interest online but did have a boyfriend that way.

I was super inflexible on a few things (I didn’t want someone who had kids already or who was unemployed or living with parents). I dated foreign guys and guys older than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OLD is inherently focused on superficial qualities, so if you are heavy, people either ignore you or you get attention from people with a fetish. It's an issue for people with any sort of physical characteristics outside of the norm. It is probably best to focus on meeting people more traditional ways, although I'm sure the pandemic has made that very hard, if not impossible. But as the world is starting to return to normal, you might want to think about ways to meet people. Otherwise, good for you losing that weight. Slow and steady is the way to go.

Let's not make this an OLD issue. 99% of straight men are not attracted to her. Some people may say its mean but it is the god honest truth. She needs to continue to lose weight to be a bit more "normal" sized".

Yes, it's mean, and also ignorant and untrue. I assume from your bigotry that you are "normal" sized (although you probably consider the average size of US women "abnormal") and therefore have no personal experience dating as a fat woman. I do, and realistically I would say it's more like 80% of men who won't be attracted to her because of her weight. That makes it more difficult, certainly, but not impossible. And it's just plain cruel to say that OP can't have a relationship until she gets to a weight someone like you would find acceptable. People who aren't conventionally attractive deserve love too, and most of them find it.

OP, as a very fat woman with OLD experience, I can tell you that you will get a lot of interest if you present yourself well. Have a friend take flattering pictures of you, and make sure they are full body shots so you're not misleading anyone. My rule of thumb is one outdoor pic, one pic of me doing something silly and fun, one mildly "sexy" pic (e.g., wearing a form-fitting dress, showing a little cleavage), and one or two other miscellaneous pics that I like. In my written profile, I aim for genuine above all, but also interesting and funny. The first time I tried OLD I honestly did not think I would get any responses because of my weight, but I ended up being inundated with messages. My problem was that I wasn't discriminating enough. Don't date shitty men just because they're interested in you. Hold out for what you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Get healthy Op, get on a 2 year plan and get and feel healthy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Let's not make this an OLD issue. 99% of straight men are not attracted to her. Some people may say its mean but it is the god honest truth. She needs to continue to lose weight to be a bit more "normal" sized".

Engineering/computer guys who are in it for cultural fit and not of love of building are very attracted to women of size. Also older Asian-american men who are trying to prove they can get a white woman. I'd say much higher than 1% of this group.