Husband wants to spend the weekend at his parents house

[Anonymous]

MIL is taking a 2 day trip and wants DH and I to live with FIL so he “won’t be alone.”

I’m annoyed as he lives 25 mins away and is 70 but pretty mobile and able bodied. Can’t we go visit and say hello? Do we have to sleep over for 2 nights?

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to go, send DH by himself. What's the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to go, send DH by himself. What's the issue?

DH expects me to come too and is offended that I don’t

[Anonymous]

So, you're OK for an able bodied 70 years old to be alone for 2 days, but not OK for an able bodied 40+ woman (you) to be alone for 2 days without DH?

Got it.

[Anonymous]

Tell him no. But I think it's a nice thing for him to do. They'll have some quality time and it will set your MIL's mind at ease.

Sometimes with old people they know about risks that they don't want to disclose. Maybe he's not quite as safe alone as you think he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you're OK for an able bodied 70 years old to be alone for 2 days, but not OK for an able bodied 40+ woman (you) to be alone for 2 days without DH?

Got it.

It means she has other things to do with her time and wants to sleep in her own home. It's fine if her DH goes, she just doesn't need to go along. It doesn't take two people to babysit FIL.

[Anonymous]

Can't you compromise on just one night?

Does your DH want you there to cook and clean? Or as a buffer against awkwardness? Weird that it's so important to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to go, send DH by himself. What's the issue?

DH expects me to come too and is offended that I don’t

NP. So what? Do what you want, as he can too. They're not even your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you compromise on just one night?

Does your DH want you there to cook and clean? Or as a buffer against awkwardness? Weird that it's so important to him.

Ten to one it's something like that. Packaged in "but I neeeeed you!" whiny man voice.

I would just say that I would be delighted to visit one afternoon to check on FIL. Shoo your husband out the door and enjoy a quiet weekend at home.

[Anonymous]

He’s welcome to go alone as much as he wants. Doesn’t mean you have to tag along. I’d be worried about setting a precedent that you will be expected to babysit your FIL going forward if MIL decides to go away in the future.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids? If so, I think you have a good case for not going and visiting during the day.

If not, what's the big deal? You can spend one night to make FIL feel better. Though, I would ask FIL directly if he wants the help. Maybe he doesn't and MIL is forcing it on him. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? If so, I think you have a good case for not going and visiting during the day.

If not, what's the big deal? You can spend one night to make FIL feel better. Though, I would ask FIL directly if he wants the help. Maybe he doesn't and MIL is forcing it on him. Just a thought.

The DH has to do any asking, not OP. Her DH's parents are his to handle and if he can't even ask his dad a simple question, well, I agree then with the PP above who said the DH might want his wife there as a buffer against awkwardness between DH and his dad.

To the OP, tell DH to talk to his dad, see what his dad wants, and go if he likes. The bigger issue is not going to see or stay with dad. The reai issue is that you say DH is "offended" that you won't come. What's that really about?

Tell DH it's a terrific opportunity for him to spend guy time with his dad or however you want to phrase it. Hooray, wonderful, you and your dad get one on one time, no MIL there, no DW there! And so on. Don't cave on spending the night but ask DH why he believes this is offense-worthy. It isn't (unless you're being cranky about it, or criticizing MIL and DH feels that's unfair--? Not saying you are doing that, just noting that it's worth stepping back and thinking if maybe that's what he's interpreting--?)

Also: DH needs to talk to his mom. Does she want someone there because she's just being overprotective and FIL is a bit of a man-child and won't "do things right" like she wants them done, while she's gone?

OR is your MIL possibly not telling DH and you that she has a real concern, like she's seen FIL getting confused or unsteady, and she's worried about leaving him, for example, alone in the house with the gas stove....?? There might be no issue here, or there might be something MIL is not wanting to say out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to go, send DH by himself. What's the issue?

DH expects me to come too and is offended that I don’t

Your DH is a childish ass, full stop. These are his parents, he can handle spending a weekend there if needed. Seriously, wtf is wrong with him. He’s an adult, he doesn’t get to pout about this, put the big boy pants on and help his parents without laying some guilt trip on you.

[Anonymous]

Why can't he come to your house?

[Anonymous]

Its not a big deal, don't make it one. Earn some brownie points.