WFH Frustrations

[Anonymous]

We have had terrible winter weather + Covid issues at school lately. So school has been very intermittent lately. DH and I both work full time. He’s full time WFH, I’m in the office most days. We have one DD, 6. DH just cannot handle WFH with her there. So that means I usually also WFH when DD has to be home. Not huge deal, I can WFH, flexible company, no issues there.

The problem is DH. He just cannot adapt his schedule at all to stagger having DD home or come do anything with her at all during the day. She’s pretty self sufficient for 6, but there’s lots of “I’m borrrrred” When I WFH when she’s home, I get up early to get a jump start on what I know is going to be a hectic day. Usually working by 6am, she gets up around 7:30. Today DH slept in till 8:30 and has just generally been pissy about her presence. I had one call (out of many!!) today where I just absolutely could not be bothered during and he refused to leave his office and hang with her while I locked myself in our bedroom to take the call. I don’t have a private space to work in the house since I’m mostly in the office.

I’m just so mad and annoyed today. He keeps saying “I don’t have time for this today” Well guess what, I don’t either but I’m making her lunch and helping with a toy while on a conference call, so I don’t know, deal with it?? FWIW we are equal breadwinners, but mine is a leadership role (I manage most aspects of our business while still being a project manager). I’m on the phone constantly, while he’s on the phone a couple hours a day. It seems so blatant that he’s not pulling his weight.

Hopefully come spring and less crap weather and Covid, this won’t be a thing, but would you say something?? I’ve made some comments but not directly addressed it. And god willing, he will go back to the office part time in March

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would absolutely have a calm discussion about this. He sees your role as the sole caretaker of your child and doesn’t respect your job/career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would absolutely have a calm discussion about this. He sees your role as the sole caretaker of your child and doesn’t respect your job/career.

+1

[Anonymous]

Put me in the camp of not wanting to normalize airing personal grievances with your spouse to strangers on the internet. Firmly believe we’d be a better society if people got professional, private, help rather than seeking sympathy from people they know will give it (all we have is your side after all), therefore - potentially irrationally - making the issue worse, not better.

Talk to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Does you kid have COVID? Why is she home? If she is vaccinated there is no reason she should be home unless she tests positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does you kid have COVID? Why is she home? If she is vaccinated there is no reason she should be home unless she tests positive.

No, we are home due to canceled school due to bad weather. Covid issues were last week when her school shut down due to staffing shortages. None of us have had covid

[Anonymous]

What worked for us is to address the day in the morning and make a plan, 9-5, for who's available for child and when. "I'm booked for a 2pm and 3pm call" etc. It was the only way I found to get my spouse to treat my job as equal. We identify who is "on hand" for child at any given timeframe during the day, even if kid has an activity. That way expectations are set, meals are covered, and there's a point person for emergencies. It was unacceptable to me (and I communicated this to spouse) that we be ensconced in our ivory tower home offices all day when our kid is home.

You know your DH better than us, but to me, it sounds like he's gotten spoiled having the house to himself during the day.

[Anonymous]

Give the kid an iPad and accept your DH didn’t want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put me in the camp of not wanting to normalize airing personal grievances with your spouse to strangers on the internet. Firmly believe we’d be a better society if people got professional, private, help rather than seeking sympathy from people they know will give it (all we have is your side after all), therefore - potentially irrationally - making the issue worse, not better.

Talk to a therapist.

Then why answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What worked for us is to address the day in the morning and make a plan, 9-5, for who's available for child and when. "I'm booked for a 2pm and 3pm call" etc. It was the only way I found to get my spouse to treat my job as equal. We identify who is "on hand" for child at any given timeframe during the day, even if kid has an activity. That way expectations are set, meals are covered, and there's a point person for emergencies. It was unacceptable to me (and I communicated this to spouse) that we be ensconced in our ivory tower home offices all day when our kid is home.

You know your DH better than us, but to me, it sounds like he's gotten spoiled having the house to himself during the day.

10000% we are “intruding” on his space. I could definitely go in the office (especially today, it’s snowing but fine to drive in) and just leave her with him. But that causes another set of issues.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is being rude, but just give your kid an IPad or TV, and snack and tell them to be quiet.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is being annoying about this. Mine is the same! If school is cancelled I try to make a plan for DS to go play at a friend’s house, go sledding, go play video games in the basement with a friend etc. so that we aren’t the primary contact points the entire day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is being rude, but just give your kid an IPad or TV, and snack and tell them to be quiet.

OP… sure, for one day, knock yourself out on the iPad. But 2 days last week and 3 days this week… not so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is being rude, but just give your kid an IPad or TV, and snack and tell them to be quiet.

OP… sure, for one day, knock yourself out on the iPad. But 2 days last week and 3 days this week… not so much

Give your kid a thermos of bourbon and a basket of fireworks. Send her outside. She’s going to grow up with serious anxiety and resentment issues being cooped up all day with you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is being rude, but just give your kid an IPad or TV, and snack and tell them to be quiet.

OP… sure, for one day, knock yourself out on the iPad. But 2 days last week and 3 days this week… not so much

Well, if your DH won’t help, just don’t worry about screen time. It’s not going to kill her.