Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

FLOPL=I am dying.

Poor Sass was looking a tad out of place in those photos. It may have been even too white for him. #Scandisdontcareaboutyourdreads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FLOPL=I am dying.

Poor Sass was looking a tad out of place in those photos. It may have been even too white for him. #Scandisdontcareaboutyourdreads

I don't think white people had anything to do with his very evident level of discomfort. Does he...know any other black people besides the random minor celebs he selfies with? All of his regular friends are white.

[Anonymous]

JH out there teasing some "new and exciting" podcast news.

It's so, so exciting that evening Tyler decided to grace her post with one of his rare comments.

I think the news is that she's taking a partner. She's alluded to the fact that we'll be seeing her friend Amy more and more on the podcast and she can't wait for us to get to know Amy, who is about as exciting as my 2013 minivan. I think she's just some mom friend of Jen's.

Most exciting influencer news is not actually all that exciting so my expectations are low.

[Anonymous]

Out of the 20 zillion podcasts available, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to tune into hers.

[Anonymous]

I think the news is that she's taking a partner. She's alluded to the fact that we'll be seeing her friend Amy more and more on the podcast and she can't wait for us to get to know Amy, who is about as exciting as my 2013 minivan. I think she's just some mom friend of Jen's.

Amy who? Another blogger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy New Week, Beleaguereds. Such chaos over here in Capstitcher Land! Such tiredness but also such BLISS. I recently turned 50 and celebrated with my RIDE OR DIES in a big, big, big way, as I’m sure everyone knows. I’ve received SO. MANY. DMs. about what it’s like to go on a Babylon River Cruise - Simply AH-MAY-ZING, of course, droolings, what I was wearing, and why @thetrevorbarretproject didn’t post any pictures of our follow-on trip to Iceland. Back to tagging him again, BTW. We are definitely still a couple. Whew!

Can’t wait to cook with him and our homie Danette in - randomly - Denver. All the gluten free thingz for Trevor and I know you can’t wait to see which word shirt he picks. Not butter, sugar, flour, but it’s always fun to guess what Trev’s OOTD will be. #LoveHim #GoodGoodMan #WereACouple

Trevor absolutely LOVED Iceland, even though his lack of enthusiasm and low-key attempt to be incognito was commented on by SO MANY of you. AS IF a SIX-FOOT-TWO-BLACK-MAN-WITH-DREDS could ever be low-key, tra la la. I did mention that Trevor is a black man and my boyfriend, didn’t I? We’re so HILARIOUS together. #Shenanigans

But now that I’m back from my UTTERLY PRESH travels, I have some important messages for you, my COMMUNITY, and that’s product recs from some absolutely LIFE CHANGING GOODNESS that should be a part of your self care. Self-care is such a funny, funny thing but I am a self-care guru which is why you should shop with my codes.

First let’s talk about my hair. I mean, everyone is talking about it so you should, too. The two-tone greenish blonde look with basic girl brown underlayer can only be achieved by dedicated and frequent BLEACHING. You want your hair to GLOW and if it’s not glowing like a fluorescent highlighter then you are simply not applying enough bleach, droolings. This look can only be achieved with HAIR VITAMINS that will stop breakage and result in a shiny lush, shakeable mane like I have. Get my makeup lewk by using the Beauty Counter’s limited-time-only undereye treatment in “Cullen” - no blending necessary, bewildered - and by applying “Iced Day-Old Latte” lipstick to half of your mouth. Only half, that’s important. Just smack your lips together and it will eventually spread itself around. It’s not annoying.

Best effect if your lips are a little bit chapped. Hoo that wind in Iceland. Did you realize I was in Iceland, droolings? ICELAND! Land of geowhizzical springs and the penis museum, neither of which I’d have been able to enjoy if I hadn’t let go of PURE-IT-EE CULTURE. #teehee #Imsonaughty

To complete my lewk the hair vitamin video, use the filter “rachet.” It’s a Jane Capstitcher Instagram exclusive. Use the code “rodehardputupwet” for a 30 percent discount.

I’ve also got one of my FAVORITE CANNOT FUNCTION WITHOUT IT sleep gummy brands on sale for a discount that’s so good I CANNOT DEAL WITH IT - 35% off. FLOPL has amazing gummies that I down with a couple of tumblers full of sauv blanc to get an amazing night’s sleep to wake up feeling DELICIOUSLY rested. There are other types of gummies that help with constipation and concentration and skin redness but I’m of course not taking those right now because my skin game is so fierce right now.

Psst if you’re wondering on when to comment “Ooh Jane’s so EDGY with all the CBDs, it’s right now. And, go!”

And, because I’ve gotten so many questions about being a brand ambassador lately, I’m fast-tracking my latest ME COURSE on how to shill online and not lose your soul. Of course, the soul is a delicate topic because DEE-CON-STRUC-SHUN but I’m never over Jesus, y’all. And, Jesus wants my community members to have the very best wellness products and He thinks you should buy from me - link in stories. #IfHeUsedCBD

My ME COURSE, which MY TEAM is whipping together AS I TYPE will cover how to target brands to work with, focusing on my “WHATEVER, WHENEVER,” strategies of how I carefully select what products to place in front of my dear, sweet, chocolate covered community of GIRL BOSSES.

I’ll also cover on-camera techniques, including how to cut corners in iPhone video editing and a bonus chapter on “Intriguing your viewer by looking to one side randomly.” It’s a thing I do that people find HILARIOUSLY RELATABLE because why look someone straight on when you can adorably shift your eyes to the side for no reason at all.

Tra la la.

💀 💀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JH out there teasing some "new and exciting" podcast news.

It's so, so exciting that evening Tyler decided to grace her post with one of his rare comments.

I think the news is that she's taking a partner. She's alluded to the fact that we'll be seeing her friend Amy more and more on the podcast and she can't wait for us to get to know Amy, who is about as exciting as my 2013 minivan. I think she's just some mom friend of Jen's.

Most exciting influencer news is not actually all that exciting so my expectations are low.

I’m holding out for the 2013 minivan. That’s a good get for big Sis.

[Anonymous]

Does he...know any other black people besides the random minor celebs he selfies with? All of his regular friends are white

I don't think he has one black friend.

[Anonymous]

I love the marketing strategy of "whatever, whenever"-such a winner.

I will never see it as FOCL again! Thanks, Jane Capstitcher. You have reached Simpsons and Futurama levels of influencing my speech and word choice!

[Anonymous]

I’m holding out for the 2013 minivan.

I, too, am holding space for Amy.
Which model minivan?

Also, Kristen owes Rage against the machine some royalties for co-opting their band name in her goofy blog.

[Anonymous]

Out of the 20 zillion podcasts available, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to tune into hers

I barely have time to listen to podcasts I actually WANT to listen to, not just the hate-listens.

[Anonymous]

I listened to the episode with the "reproductive health" doctor - it felt like a rebroadcast but I'm not for certain if it was.

Jane & some lady named Amy were yapping for about 15 minutes before the interview started about themselves and Jen said something about "Get used to Amy being around here more" and then said to go listen to some of the other blah blah podcasts to hear more about the friendship between her and Amy.

It was really boring and there's zero motivation to go and listen to other podcasts to get more info on Amy, who just seems like one of her rando mom friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the marketing strategy of "whatever, whenever"-such a winner.

I will never see it as FOCL again! Thanks, Jane Capstitcher. You have reached Simpsons and Futurama levels of influencing my speech and word choice!

I'd like to put ina request for the Jane Capsticher guide to beauty after 50. Pretty please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m holding out for the 2013 minivan.

I, too, am holding space for Amy.
Which model minivan?

Also, Kristen owes Rage against the machine some royalties for co-opting their band name in her goofy blog.

That blog title is so dumb that it actually prevents me reading it. It tells me everything I need to know.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to put ina request for the Jane Capsticher guide to beauty after 50. Pretty please



Hahahahaha I'm have requests too! Would love to hear what Jane has to say in her diary--