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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Happy New Week, Beleaguereds. Such chaos over here in Capstitcher Land! Such tiredness but also such BLISS. I recently turned 50 and celebrated with my RIDE OR DIES in a big, big, big way, as I’m sure everyone knows. I’ve received SO. MANY. DMs. about what it’s like to go on a Babylon River Cruise - Simply AH-MAY-ZING, of course, droolings, what I was wearing, and why @thetrevorbarretproject didn’t post any pictures of our follow-on trip to Iceland. Back to tagging him again, BTW. We are definitely still a couple. Whew!

Can’t wait to cook with him and our homie Danette in - randomly - Denver. All the gluten free thingz for Trevor and I know you can’t wait to see which word shirt he picks. Not butter, sugar, flour, but it’s always fun to guess what Trev’s OOTD will be. #LoveHim #GoodGoodMan #WereACouple

Trevor absolutely LOVED Iceland, even though his lack of enthusiasm and low-key attempt to be incognito was commented on by SO MANY of you. AS IF a SIX-FOOT-TWO-BLACK-MAN-WITH-DREDS could ever be low-key, tra la la. I did mention that Trevor is a black man and my boyfriend, didn’t I? We’re so HILARIOUS together. #Shenanigans

But now that I’m back from my UTTERLY PRESH travels, I have some important messages for you, my COMMUNITY, and that’s product recs from some absolutely LIFE CHANGING GOODNESS that should be a part of your self care. Self-care is such a funny, funny thing but I am a self-care guru which is why you should shop with my codes.

First let’s talk about my hair. I mean, everyone is talking about it so you should, too. The two-tone greenish blonde look with basic girl brown underlayer can only be achieved by dedicated and frequent BLEACHING. You want your hair to GLOW and if it’s not glowing like a fluorescent highlighter then you are simply not applying enough bleach, droolings. This look can only be achieved with HAIR VITAMINS that will stop breakage and result in a shiny lush, shakeable mane like I have. Get my makeup lewk by using the Beauty Counter’s limited-time-only undereye treatment in “Cullen” - no blending necessary, bewildered - and by applying “Iced Day-Old Latte” lipstick to half of your mouth. Only half, that’s important. Just smack your lips together and it will eventually spread itself around. It’s not annoying.

Best effect if your lips are a little bit chapped. Hoo that wind in Iceland. Did you realize I was in Iceland, droolings? ICELAND! Land of geowhizzical springs and the penis museum, neither of which I’d have been able to enjoy if I hadn’t let go of PURE-IT-EE CULTURE. #teehee #Imsonaughty

To complete my lewk the hair vitamin video, use the filter “rachet.” It’s a Jane Capstitcher Instagram exclusive. Use the code “rodehardputupwet” for a 30 percent discount.

I’ve also got one of my FAVORITE CANNOT FUNCTION WITHOUT IT sleep gummy brands on sale for a discount that’s so good I CANNOT DEAL WITH IT - 35% off. FLOPL has amazing gummies that I down with a couple of tumblers full of sauv blanc to get an amazing night’s sleep to wake up feeling DELICIOUSLY rested. There are other types of gummies that help with constipation and concentration and skin redness but I’m of course not taking those right now because my skin game is so fierce right now.

Psst if you’re wondering on when to comment “Ooh Jane’s so EDGY with all the CBDs, it’s right now. And, go!”

And, because I’ve gotten so many questions about being a brand ambassador lately, I’m fast-tracking my latest ME COURSE on how to shill online and not lose your soul. Of course, the soul is a delicate topic because DEE-CON-STRUC-SHUN but I’m never over Jesus, y’all. And, Jesus wants my community members to have the very best wellness products and He thinks you should buy from me - link in stories. #IfHeUsedCBD

My ME COURSE, which MY TEAM is whipping together AS I TYPE will cover how to target brands to work with, focusing on my “WHATEVER, WHENEVER,” strategies of how I carefully select what products to place in front of my dear, sweet, chocolate covered community of GIRL BOSSES.

I’ll also cover on-camera techniques, including how to cut corners in iPhone video editing and a bonus chapter on “Intriguing your viewer by looking to one side randomly.” It’s a thing I do that people find HILARIOUSLY RELATABLE because why look someone straight on when you can adorably shift your eyes to the side for no reason at all.

Tra la la. 
[/quote]

💀 💀 [/quote]

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