Christmas gift ideas for my kids' bio-mom...? HELP!!

[Anonymous]

I need some ideas/inspiration for my kids' bio-mom for Christmas. They basically severed ties with her a little less than 3 years ago due to trauma and abuse, and in an effort to keep the peace and let her feel some level of inclusion, I have been making her gifts for Mother's Days and Christmases during that time.

There are substance abuse and mental health issues, so I almost need to walk on eggshells so that she doesn't take the gift as a dig (there's a lot of paranoia and overly reading into things that happen on her end).

In the past, I've made baked goods, etched glass with the kids' names and birth dates, a pillowcase with their names, keychains with their birth flowers and names, and hand-painted ornaments in the shapes of their initials. Any suggestions for Christmas gifts this year would be MUCH appreciated!




**I know that some may feel that I shouldn't do anything for her, so before that is said, I just want to explain that I do it because I don't want her to push relationships/visits/communication with the kids that they are not ready for or open to. My goal is to keep her happy enough that she gives them their space to heal until they decide that they want to pursue a relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Small photo books, but be very selective with the photos selected.

[Anonymous]

A necklace with their initials or first letters of their names.

Something like this:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/488248675/personalized-gift-for-her-initial?gpla=1&gao=1&

[Anonymous]

I feel like most of these things centered around their names or birthdates would be a painful reminder. One of my relatives has a child that severed ties with her due to joining a cult and any mention of them basically sends her into a depressive tail spin. Maybe pictures that she can look at and then put away?
The answer might also differ based on whether you are bio dad, adoptive parent, foster parent, or step mom.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the age, maybe one of the 'My Year in Review' sheets you can find online or make a simple one that is more fitting. Something like their favorite books, foods etc. Something that helps her feel like she still knows something about their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most of these things centered around their names or birthdates would be a painful reminder. One of my relatives has a child that severed ties with her due to joining a cult and any mention of them basically sends her into a depressive tail spin. Maybe pictures that she can look at and then put away?
The answer might also differ based on whether you are bio dad, adoptive parent, foster parent, or step mom.

I am their stepmom, and I completely I get your point. The best way to explain the dynamic is that she doesn't care about having any relationship with the kids, she cares about portraying that she has a relationship with the kids - if that makes sense. She likes to post things on social media that make her look like she did all these amazing, fun things with the kids, but she had zero interest in actually doing any of those things with them. Her concern is only about how she looks to others.

[Anonymous]

Could you take a piece of art each of them drew and have them turned into something like dish towels? The kids don’t need to draw a picture specifically for this purpose, just grab one from the art pile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Small photo books, but be very selective with the photos selected.

+1

Framed photo of them that doesn’t show their faces (for their privacy).

From a trip? Them looking at the ocean, riding bikes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Framed children's silhouettes craft ?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

What does their father suggest? He would know her best? Why not pajamas or Bath and Bodyworks gift set?

[Anonymous]

How old are they? If they are in elementary school, give them a phone or iPad and let them spend a while taking photos of each other. Make into a book. If they are older you could do the same with photos from the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most of these things centered around their names or birthdates would be a painful reminder. One of my relatives has a child that severed ties with her due to joining a cult and any mention of them basically sends her into a depressive tail spin. Maybe pictures that she can look at and then put away?
The answer might also differ based on whether you are bio dad, adoptive parent, foster parent, or step mom.

I am their stepmom, and I completely I get your point. The best way to explain the dynamic is that she doesn't care about having any relationship with the kids, she cares about portraying that she has a relationship with the kids - if that makes sense. She likes to post things on social media that make her look like she did all these amazing, fun things with the kids, but she had zero interest in actually doing any of those things with them. Her concern is only about how she looks to others.

Dp.

Why even bother getting her a gift when you have such a low opinion of her? Who are you trying to impress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most of these things centered around their names or birthdates would be a painful reminder. One of my relatives has a child that severed ties with her due to joining a cult and any mention of them basically sends her into a depressive tail spin. Maybe pictures that she can look at and then put away?
The answer might also differ based on whether you are bio dad, adoptive parent, foster parent, or step mom.

I am their stepmom, and I completely I get your point. The best way to explain the dynamic is that she doesn't care about having any relationship with the kids, she cares about portraying that she has a relationship with the kids - if that makes sense. She likes to post things on social media that make her look like she did all these amazing, fun things with the kids, but she had zero interest in actually doing any of those things with them. Her concern is only about how she looks to others.

Dp.

Why even bother getting her a gift when you have such a low opinion of her? Who are you trying to impress?

As someone with a tinge of sociopathy myself, I must note it is possible to be completely dead inside yet still see what society expects to be done and do it on manual, as it were.

[Anonymous]

I like the necklace idea. Or mugs made with their artwork printed on it. I mean artwork that you just pick from what they’ve done this year, not ask them to draw something specifically for their horrible mother.