Our culture is deeply misogynistic

[Anonymous]

I’m just realizing this as a female at age 54. So much hatred and disgust hurled at women. I think I didn’t see it when I was younger because I was attractive enough. I see it everywhere now that the male gaze is not on me so heavily. I don’t feel as watched and can do the watching. By misogynistic, I mean a dislike of women, women themselves included. Is this something every aging woman sees?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Still adjusting to it, because, well, what choice is there? I've resisted doing stuff like fillers and botox, as that just feeds into this toxic system.
Yes, the world has pushed us aside, we are no longer muses for men, mothers to children, glass ceiling breakers in industry.
So, I guess I will live more for myself, explore new interests and value friends. If I had grandchildren, I would focus there, too, but, I don't.

Meanwhile, OP, find a woman who is older and might serve as a role model for getting older. You know, a real bad ass who has figured out what this next life stage holds and metaphorically gives a finger to the mysogonistic ageist world.

[Anonymous]

I have two girls 7 and 9 and I tell them “the world does not like women” and I show them examples of this playing out.

[Anonymous]

Yes. The messaging our girls get is horrific when you think about it. Such an emphasis on how they look and their appearance. I think it’s only gotten worse since I was young.

[Anonymous]

Very true, but please remind yourself that as an American, you're living in one of the least misogynist countries of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just realizing this as a female at age 54. So much hatred and disgust hurled at women. I think I didn’t see it when I was younger because I was attractive enough. I see it everywhere now that the male gaze is not on me so heavily. I don’t feel as watched and can do the watching. By misogynistic, I mean a dislike of women, women themselves included. Is this something every aging woman sees?

No, actually the opposite. As I age, I see far more preference to women and that the US is extremely anti-male right now.

But I grew up with a "faux feminist" mother who was constantly harping on how tough women have it. She would also intentionally be a lot tougher on me than my brothers so I would "get used to it" (her words.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just realizing this as a female at age 54. So much hatred and disgust hurled at women. I think I didn’t see it when I was younger because I was attractive enough. I see it everywhere now that the male gaze is not on me so heavily. I don’t feel as watched and can do the watching. By misogynistic, I mean a dislike of women, women themselves included. Is this something every aging woman sees?

No, actually the opposite. As I age, I see far more preference to women and that the US is extremely anti-male right now.

But I grew up with a "faux feminist" mother who was constantly harping on how tough women have it. She would also intentionally be a lot tougher on me than my brothers so I would "get used to it" (her words.)

when equality feels like oppression... well you know how the rest of the saying goes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. It is horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just realizing this as a female at age 54. So much hatred and disgust hurled at women. I think I didn’t see it when I was younger because I was attractive enough. I see it everywhere now that the male gaze is not on me so heavily. I don’t feel as watched and can do the watching. By misogynistic, I mean a dislike of women, women themselves included. Is this something every aging woman sees?

I noticed it at 11 years old when males began sexualizing me. Starting around 25, I made an effort to understand that not all men are pigs and all women aren't complicit in our oppression. There are more good people than bad ones. At 50, I understand that we are all part of this society, but we don't have to take part in facilitating misogyny and racism.

[Anonymous]

Is this something every aging woman sees? Maybe, if they've been living under a rock.

I'm mid-30s and have been keenly aware of this since high school.

Better late than never, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two girls 7 and 9 and I tell them “the world does not like women” and I show them examples of this playing out.

Why not show them people uplifting women and girls to balance it out? Why prepare them for a life of perceived limits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two girls 7 and 9 and I tell them “the world does not like women” and I show them examples of this playing out.

Why not show them people uplifting women and girls to balance it out? Why prepare them for a life of perceived limits?

Agree. That is so incredibly f--ked up to be telling young girls that.

My dad was a wonderful figure in my life (and my brother and sister's). He didn't treat my sister and I any differently than my brother. We weren't 'princesses'. We were encouraged in sports and STEM and anything we wanted to do--no matter if in the 70s/80s it was a 'male' thing. He was also tough on us. My competitive sports team was filled with very tough girls who had no qualms about going into school and speaking up in class or beating the boys in the 600m run in the Presidential fitness test.

Every girl from back then is absolutely thriving, has great male relationships, leaders in their areas.

Giving your girls a chip on their shoulders and instilling this man-hater stuff is incredibly bad for them, and ultimately their self-esteem. Their world is their oyster right now.

I look at women like Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Condoleezza Rice and Madeline Albright...they went out and did their sh*t and got mad respect for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just realizing this as a female at age 54. So much hatred and disgust hurled at women. I think I didn’t see it when I was younger because I was attractive enough. I see it everywhere now that the male gaze is not on me so heavily. I don’t feel as watched and can do the watching. By misogynistic, I mean a dislike of women, women themselves included. Is this something every aging woman sees?

I cannot believe you're just realized this at 54. You're correct, but I don't think I could respect a friend who came to me with this realization at our age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Very true, but please remind yourself that as an American, you're living in one of the least misogynist countries of the world.

+1000 I’ve spent almost half of my adult life living overseas, and this is so true.

[Anonymous]

Reminder...the OP is discussing the ageing woman.