S/O -- What does it mean when everyone ALWAYS comments on your (~minor) weight loss?

[Anonymous]

I was reading the 15-lb thread and was struck by how often my weight loss is commented upon.

Pertinent here that I have a few psych/medical issues that mean my weight has never been *truly* stable for more than 6-12 months of my adult life. Maybe a few 2-3-year periods in the past 25 years where it's stayed w/in 5-10 lbs. So I've lost 10 lbs countless times, and 15-20 several, and 20+ like 2-3 times.

Always, always, always, if I lose more than ~5 lbs, I get lots of comments.

Especially in the past 15 years, I've surrounded myself with body-/fat-positive, politically astute people who would avoid commenting on weight loss, but most still say "Wow, you look amazing!" or whatever when I've lost weight. Whether unconscious or conscious, feels like a partial euphemism for "I like that you're thinner" because they say it far more frequently when I've lost weight, not usually when I haven't been losing weight (or when I've gained).

Or if I happen to mention something to a friend, even very obliquely ("Where do you buy jeans? I had to get some new jeans the other day...") they will say something like "I wasn't going to mention it, but I noticed you lost weight." Both sides of my family, as well as DH's, aren't unusually obsessed with weight (maybe one grandmother), but they all say something.

I am a little shorter than average, just under 5'3", so sure, 10 lbs or even 5 lbs is more noticeable on me than some.

However, I am not thin/average to start. Mostly this is me going from 175 to 165. Or 160 to 150.

So many people in the other thread said no one notices if they lose weight until it's more than 10 or even 20 lbs. Or that if they notice, they don't say anything out of concern about being rude or complimenting illness or an ED. I'm a little skeptical that's a larger societal practice, lol. But okay.

This just hasn't been my experience at all, so I'm wondering how to explain it? I'm starting to guess (more than one possibility), but really genuinely don't know.

Anyone experience this? Why do you think?

[Anonymous]

This happens to me too, for 5-10 pound weight losses. I am tall and thin, and my weight gains are evenly distributed, so I find it even stranger. I don’t know the answer but I feel the same way you do, the constant message of I like you better thiner. This is me fluctuating between 135-145 at 5’9, and I’m usually at 140 so I really think this should be imperceptible. I have wondered if perhaps it is more visible in my face than most people? I wonder if that’s the same for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me too, for 5-10 pound weight losses. I am tall and thin, and my weight gains are evenly distributed, so I find it even stranger. I don’t know the answer but I feel the same way you do, the constant message of I like you better thiner. This is me fluctuating between 135-145 at 5’9, and I’m usually at 140 so I really think this should be imperceptible. I have wondered if perhaps it is more visible in my face than most people? I wonder if that’s the same for you.

Hm. That's an interesting theory! Our own faces are so complicated for our brains to parse (and photos aren't reliable) so if this is true of me, I might not know. I guess I can ask DH. Actually, wonder what his theory is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me too, for 5-10 pound weight losses. I am tall and thin, and my weight gains are evenly distributed, so I find it even stranger. I don’t know the answer but I feel the same way you do, the constant message of I like you better thiner. This is me fluctuating between 135-145 at 5’9, and I’m usually at 140 so I really think this should be imperceptible. I have wondered if perhaps it is more visible in my face than most people? I wonder if that’s the same for you.

Though PP, one of my half-baked theories is that it may be that I hang out right on the cusp of being thin/attractive "enough." My weight probably sounds high, and it is what it is, but I have a lot of boobs and butt, so once I go below 165, I start to look more definitively straight-sized (non-plus) and below 150 at all, I very firmly can wear single-digit designer clothes, so it may be that I sort of turn a corner when I dip below those points. But it could be a lot of things.

Another one may have to do with my constantly fluctuating weight and what they perceive as healthy for me, or even just that maybe I was thinner when I met some of them, so maybe when I gain and then lose weight, I seem more like what they remember... IDEK.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Are you doing something differently with your hair, makeup or clothes when you hit that lower weight? My guess is that something more than just the weight loss is noticeable.

[Anonymous]

I have been getting comments, went from 140 to 130 in the past 3 months. I’m 5’4, and this weight mostly came off my belly/hips. I think distribution and size impacts how noticeable weight loss is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been getting comments, went from 140 to 130 in the past 3 months. I’m 5’4, and this weight mostly came off my belly/hips. I think distribution and size impacts how noticeable weight loss is.

I’m 5’ 3.5” and about 108 currently. I was at 170 at the highest and then around 140-150 for a long time. Going down to 130 made a huge difference in how I looked and how my clothes fit. “Face gains” are also a thing. My face definitely slims down at a certain point. Going under 125 was also a big difference in how “fluffy” my body looks.

(Note: I have health related weight loss issues so please no comments about how I don’t weight enough. I already know.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been getting comments, went from 140 to 130 in the past 3 months. I’m 5’4, and this weight mostly came off my belly/hips. I think distribution and size impacts how noticeable weight loss is.

+1. I know for me I tend to gain in the midsection I’m 5’6” and 135 is a decent weight for me. If I go beyond 140-142 lbs I start looking puffy. So the difference between 145 and 140 would definitely be noticeable on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the 15-lb thread and was struck by how often my weight loss is commented upon.

Pertinent here that I have a few psych/medical issues that mean my weight has never been *truly* stable for more than 6-12 months of my adult life. Maybe a few 2-3-year periods in the past 25 years where it's stayed w/in 5-10 lbs. So I've lost 10 lbs countless times, and 15-20 several, and 20+ like 2-3 times.

Always, always, always, if I lose more than ~5 lbs, I get lots of comments.

Especially in the past 15 years, I've surrounded myself with body-/fat-positive, politically astute people who would avoid commenting on weight loss, but most still say "Wow, you look amazing!" or whatever when I've lost weight. Whether unconscious or conscious, feels like a partial euphemism for "I like that you're thinner" because they say it far more frequently when I've lost weight, not usually when I haven't been losing weight (or when I've gained).

Or if I happen to mention something to a friend, even very obliquely ("Where do you buy jeans? I had to get some new jeans the other day...") they will say something like "I wasn't going to mention it, but I noticed you lost weight." Both sides of my family, as well as DH's, aren't unusually obsessed with weight (maybe one grandmother), but they all say something.

I am a little shorter than average, just under 5'3", so sure, 10 lbs or even 5 lbs is more noticeable on me than some.

However, I am not thin/average to start. Mostly this is me going from 175 to 165. Or 160 to 150.

So many people in the other thread said no one notices if they lose weight until it's more than 10 or even 20 lbs. Or that if they notice, they don't say anything out of concern about being rude or complimenting illness or an ED. I'm a little skeptical that's a larger societal practice, lol. But okay.

This just hasn't been my experience at all, so I'm wondering how to explain it? I'm starting to guess (more than one possibility), but really genuinely don't know.

Anyone experience this? Why do you think?

My mom ALWAYS notices. And always says something. I'm average weight, but short 5'1" or so.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it isn't related to something else you're doing or talking about that goes with weight loss? Like if you mention being on a diet or going to the gym or needing to buy clothes because your old ones don't fit - that could be heard as asking for support or affirmation.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it probably means you lost a bigger proportion of the weight you were carrying and that you’re short. And that you run in circles where it’s not impolite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it isn't related to something else you're doing or talking about that goes with weight loss? Like if you mention being on a diet or going to the gym or needing to buy clothes because your old ones don't fit - that could be heard as asking for support or affirmation.

OP again. I forgot about this thread, but interesting to come back and read the additional comments.

I don't diet, and I don't typically go to the gym, even (yikes). I don't mention my old clothes not fitting. At most I mentioned I went clothes shopping, but nothing about the size. Simply needing or wanting new jeans, I mean... obviously if my weight loss is noticeable, that's the likely reason inferred by people, but people need new jeans all the time because their old ones are worn out or out of style.

I 100% don't talk about my weight loss because it's so fraught for me. And the thing is... if anything, my friends are much more likely than not to be "too polite" or politically progressive/fat-positive or whatever to say anything. So it's not everyone and it's not as effusive as I see among some social circles, but it's literally every time I lose weight, easily half the people who see me say something.

I guess it's mostly what folks here are affirming-- 1) I'm shortish, so it's more obvious and 2) I'm a bit on the cusp... not really thin vs chubby, but more like Jessica Simpson or someone else very curvy-- at a certain point, I am very curvy but not perceived as fat, but just 10, and especially 20, pounds heavier and I am in a different category altogether. Hm. I'm sure I just notice because it all makes me kind of uncomfortable and is emotionally fraught for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me too, for 5-10 pound weight losses. I am tall and thin, and my weight gains are evenly distributed, so I find it even stranger. I don’t know the answer but I feel the same way you do, the constant message of I like you better thiner. This is me fluctuating between 135-145 at 5’9, and I’m usually at 140 so I really think this should be imperceptible. I have wondered if perhaps it is more visible in my face than most people? I wonder if that’s the same for you.

Though PP, one of my half-baked theories is that it may be that I hang out right on the cusp of being thin/attractive "enough." My weight probably sounds high, and it is what it is, but I have a lot of boobs and butt, so once I go below 165, I start to look more definitively straight-sized (non-plus) and below 150 at all, I very firmly can wear single-digit designer clothes, so it may be that I sort of turn a corner when I dip below those points. But it could be a lot of things.

Another one may have to do with my constantly fluctuating weight and what they perceive as healthy for me, or even just that maybe I was thinner when I met some of them, so maybe when I gain and then lose weight, I seem more like what they remember... IDEK.

-OP

NP but I think this idea of being on the cusp of another level of attractiveness is it for me. I'm normally a size 4-6, but when I lose 5-10 pounds I am firmly a 4, my face is thinner, my body looks more toned, and I notice I get way more attention. I think it pushes me from 'fit but average' to 'kind of hot'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it isn't related to something else you're doing or talking about that goes with weight loss? Like if you mention being on a diet or going to the gym or needing to buy clothes because your old ones don't fit - that could be heard as asking for support or affirmation.

OP again. I forgot about this thread, but interesting to come back and read the additional comments.

I don't diet, and I don't typically go to the gym, even (yikes). I don't mention my old clothes not fitting. At most I mentioned I went clothes shopping, but nothing about the size. Simply needing or wanting new jeans, I mean... obviously if my weight loss is noticeable, that's the likely reason inferred by people, but people need new jeans all the time because their old ones are worn out or out of style.

I 100% don't talk about my weight loss because it's so fraught for me. And the thing is... if anything, my friends are much more likely than not to be "too polite" or politically progressive/fat-positive or whatever to say anything. So it's not everyone and it's not as effusive as I see among some social circles, but it's literally every time I lose weight, easily half the people who see me say something.

I guess it's mostly what folks here are affirming-- 1) I'm shortish, so it's more obvious and 2) I'm a bit on the cusp... not really thin vs chubby, but more like Jessica Simpson or someone else very curvy-- at a certain point, I am very curvy but not perceived as fat, but just 10, and especially 20, pounds heavier and I am in a different category altogether. Hm. I'm sure I just notice because it all makes me kind of uncomfortable and is emotionally fraught for me.

Since you said it’s correlated to mental health problems, are your lower weight periods correlated with times that you’re feeling better? I know for some people it’s the exact opposite, but if you lose weight when you’re feeling better mentally, I wouldn’t be surprised if your friends are responding to you seeming happier. (And if you said this and I zipped right over it, sorry, I’m distracted).

[Anonymous]

Some people really look prettier when their faces thin out. I'm pretty thin (125lbs) but when I gain weight, it goes straight to my cheeks. It bothered me more as a teen because it made me look really young. Most of my weight is evenly distributed too but my face is what people notice. Normally the comments are like "wow I love your makeup" or what did you do differently?

I do think universally everyone looks better at a normal weight (not underweight or overweight). Maybe it's not PC to say, but it's true. It takes a really really beautiful woman to look beautiful at 200lbs.