Grandmother’s Funeral Same Time as Promotion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the 8th grade trip to? Like an Amusement park or 4 days in NYC?

Amusement park

Are you serious? Wow.

Right! Should bury her with Rodney Dangerfield.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does she feel about it?

My sibling missed my grandfather's funeral becuase he was at an 8th grade award trip for something he won. No one told him about he death until after the event because they didn't want to "ruin the big day" for him. To this day, he is bitter about having missed that funeral.

She's old enough that her opinion matters. And, this should be between her and her dad.

This is different and was a difficult decision for the parents. Your brother won something and had an achievement they wanted to recognize.

8th grade going to 9th grade isn’t even a big deal. Thats not a real graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWYD

I parallel parent and keep interaction at a minimum with ex.

His mother passed away and their family wants to hold the funeral the same week as the 8th grade trip/promotion. Although ex is local, Grandma lives across the country. I am upset about the timing.

Ex has not shown up to any school activities this year. However he does take custody of kids when scheduled. I asked if they could work around the end of the year activities. I was told no.

Grandma saw the kids once a year.
WWYD

No family will schedule a funeral of a loved one around an amusement park trip. Eighth grade is not a big deal graduation. It would be different if it was college or high school.

Have a heart.

[Anonymous]

Your DD will be “terribly sick” that week and won’t be able to travel. Bye Felicia!

[Anonymous]

OP, your "if this makes me a terrible parent so be it" is a bit hand-wringing.

And you keep harping on the fact that your ex doesn't much participate in school activities. It's not germane to the his mother dying and wanting to take his/your child to the funeral.

[Anonymous]

Lost in the thread. Does the ex actively want to take kid to funeral? Does kid want to go?
If no to both then kid doesn't go.
If yes to one, then quibble.

[Anonymous]

I think the funeral is for the living - grandma will neither know nor care if your DD is there. You clearly don’t care for the ex and DD does not appear to have a close relationship with him so I’d skip unless she wants to go or if you think it would cause such huge issues in the future she didn’t go that it might be worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your "if this makes me a terrible parent so be it" is a bit hand-wringing.

And you keep harping on the fact that your ex doesn't much participate in school activities. It's not germane to the his mother dying and wanting to take his/your child to the funeral.

+1
He doesn't miss his custody time; given that you guys clearly don't get along at all, it's not that weird that he doesnt show up to stuff on your time. And it's also irrelevant. An amusement park trip doesn't even register as a conflict, and 8th grade promotion isn't really that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would make it known that you had communicated ahead of time that a certain dates/or dates would be a conflict. State that in written notes: to a few of those family members you like, and a couple of the more busy-body family members. Take your pick

Just that there is a date conflict. It doesn't surprise you that the particular date was chosen, it needed to be, but that the timing is unfortunate.

No good will come of you being specific. Yes, they may discuss and some may hear of a reason. But it won't be known for certain. Those who want to think bad of you will just think bad of you. Those who wouldn't be inclined to think poorly of you won't be very interested in knowing the why.

If your DD was ok with missing the school event, have her go to the funeral. Otherwise, do not stress over this. Send regrets re: the funeral.

Do you think the family won't know that it's a trip to King's Dominion? Who schedules a funeral around that? Would OP have been happier if the kid had to miss actual school? Summer camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWYD

I parallel parent and keep interaction at a minimum with ex.

His mother passed away and their family wants to hold the funeral the same week as the 8th grade trip/promotion. Although ex is local, Grandma lives across the country. I am upset about the timing.

Ex has not shown up to any school activities this year. However he does take custody of kids when scheduled. I asked if they could work around the end of the year activities. I was told no.

Grandma saw the kids once a year.
WWYD

If it’s during his window and he’s not interested in switching, not sure there is anything you CAN do. It’s really up to him.

If I were coupled and this came up, I’d let the kids decide based on their closeness with grandma. It's a tough spot with either decision in that case. But really it’s his call.

You can help her best by letting her process it & listen (without chiming in) if she wants to talk it out

[Anonymous]

funerals are optional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your "if this makes me a terrible parent so be it" is a bit hand-wringing.

And you keep harping on the fact that your ex doesn't much participate in school activities. It's not germane to the his mother dying and wanting to take his/your child to the funeral.

+1
He doesn't miss his custody time; given that you guys clearly don't get along at all, it's not that weird that he doesnt show up to stuff on your time. And it's also irrelevant. An amusement park trip doesn't even register as a conflict, and 8th grade promotion isn't really that big of a deal.

The school activities may conflict with him working or something else. Not everyone has a flexible work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would make it known that you had communicated ahead of time that a certain dates/or dates would be a conflict. State that in written notes: to a few of those family members you like, and a couple of the more busy-body family members. Take your pick

Just that there is a date conflict. It doesn't surprise you that the particular date was chosen, it needed to be, but that the timing is unfortunate.

No good will come of you being specific. Yes, they may discuss and some may hear of a reason. But it won't be known for certain. Those who want to think bad of you will just think bad of you. Those who wouldn't be inclined to think poorly of you won't be very interested in knowing the why.

If your DD was ok with missing the school event, have her go to the funeral. Otherwise, do not stress over this. Send regrets re: the funeral.

Do you think the family won't know that it's a trip to King's Dominion? Who schedules a funeral around that? Would OP have been happier if the kid had to miss actual school? Summer camp?

Not King’s Dominion!!