Sibling Estrangement

[Anonymous]

OP you give so little information. Was there any conflict before? Are you at the age for eldercare struggles? That can set off a lot problems.

What was the event in your life? A promotion and she didn't congratulate you and then stopped talking? Was it an anniversary party or a birthday milestone? Retirement party? Did you expect people to travel? Were you gracious if people declined? I've had to turn down events when kids were little because they either weren't invited or could not behave for it. Sometimes due to issues at work I could not get coverage. When kids were in Junior and Senior year we had to turn down events because we didn't feel comfortable leaving them (one is pretty wild) and those years are intense, and teachers are not understanding about missing for family events.

Are you close with your parents? Is the sibling close?

Were there any signs of relationship problems? Did you respect boundaries? Were there fights? Does she have a temper?

I think it's great you are in therapy. I think you do need to respect the line in the sand and leave the sibling alone. You leave the door open the first few months, but then it can be creepy. Behavior is communication. If someone doesn't respond and doesn't reach out, that is saying the person has no interest.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just reach a breaking point.

Mine was when my sibling stole money from me.

Asked for money for X and then found out he was triple dipping with both my dad and my mom (divorced and estranged from one another). None of us found out about it until brother got divorced and his ex-wife told us he just took money from all of us and was quite proud of himself for pulling it off.

It was too bad because he was actually, literally in my will for a finite amount, and now he is not and I have not spoken to him in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just reach a breaking point.

Mine was when my sibling stole money from me.

Asked for money for X and then found out he was triple dipping with both my dad and my mom (divorced and estranged from one another). None of us found out about it until brother got divorced and his ex-wife told us he just took money from all of us and was quite proud of himself for pulling it off.

It was too bad because he was actually, literally in my will for a finite amount, and now he is not and I have not spoken to him in 10 years.

OMG I bet this is exactly what OP did. They left out some crucial details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No other siblings and parents have passed on. Have shown last contact to therapist and have dealt with it in therapy. Mentioned younger because birth order seems to matter in terms of how people deal with things. Without going into too much detail, break in contact coincided with a happy event in my life. Therapist suspected that jealously was involved.

Could be self-preservation if that is the case.

I'd characterize the relationship with one of my sisters as low-contact and surficial. We had our arguments as kids but it went both ways. It's clear in adulthood she doesn't like me and if I were to be honest we probably wouldn't be friends if we weren't family and just met somewhere randomly. What annoys me is that she tries to turn extended family members against me, it's not enough for her just to keep her distance, she doesn't want others to like me either. Whenever we do see eachother I feel like I'm walking on eggshells that I'll say the wrong thing.

And this triangulation is narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

Did you ever discuss the behavior that caused you to go zero contact? Did you act like all was fine, then boom, cut them off? If so, that is extremely immature and borders on instability. However, if you let the sibling know the behavior wasn't acceptable and they continued to do it, then fine, cut them off.

This rarely happens. The other party is just so self involved they don't notice the other person ISN'T acting all fine.

There a plenty of people who are actually envious/jealous of their friends, siblings and/or even children. It's not appropriate, so when it becomes overwhelming for them, they rather cut off contact than deal with it. It can be anything. Better job, getting married, having kids, having successful kids, getting promoted, having expensive holidays... etc. It may be a combination of things and that one thing set it off.

Not really. You sound like one of the self absorbed people who don't consider others.

You sound like a narcissist in denial.

Wouldn't the narcissist be the one who thinks everyone is obsessed with them and their life? Do you even know what that word means?

You're the one who denies that people may be jealous of others. It's been part of human nature forever. The fact that you're in such denial that jealousy exists is a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

I'm gonna guess you spend a lot of time seeking validation for this decision. You certainly seem self satisfied.

I did the same thing and told no one. So stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope you hear. I think that’s a fair statement, but nothing was ever said and we had no argument so how would I have known if there was an issue? To this day, I still don’t know why she no longer speaks to me so how could I have assumed anything wrong before. Sometimes I feel it’s a power play the silence.

Nah. What was the non-holiday related interaction like? I hate when people feign cluelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No other siblings and parents have passed on. Have shown last contact to therapist and have dealt with it in therapy. Mentioned younger because birth order seems to matter in terms of how people deal with things. Without going into too much detail, break in contact coincided with a happy event in my life. Therapist suspected that jealously was involved.

Could be self-preservation if that is the case.

I'd characterize the relationship with one of my sisters as low-contact and surficial. We had our arguments as kids but it went both ways. It's clear in adulthood she doesn't like me and if I were to be honest we probably wouldn't be friends if we weren't family and just met somewhere randomly. What annoys me is that she tries to turn extended family members against me, it's not enough for her just to keep her distance, she doesn't want others to like me either. Whenever we do see eachother I feel like I'm walking on eggshells that I'll say the wrong thing.

And this triangulation is narcissism.

Who's the narcissist in this case, and what makes you qualified to diagnose from one paragraph? I feel like a lot of people are throwing the term around in this thread (and forum in general) without really understanding what it means.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you unpredictable? Mood swings? You said you're in therapy. Maybe you don't realize, if you are intense, even sometimes, some people can't handle that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you hear. I think that’s a fair statement, but nothing was ever said and we had no argument so how would I have known if there was an issue? To this day, I still don’t know why she no longer speaks to me so how could I have assumed anything wrong before. Sometimes I feel it’s a power play the silence.

Nah. What was the non-holiday related interaction like? I hate when people feign cluelessness.

I hate it when people expect me to be a mind reader.

[Anonymous]

Has OP ever come back to answer any questions or give any information whatsoever beyond the fact the relationship was fine before? If not, perhaps it isn't worth continuing the thread. Assuming the sibling and/or OP has mental health issues, doesn't help anything and I don't think this thread will go anywhere positive. I doubt the sibling wants to reconnect if it's been 4 years and I don't think OP wants to share any information to try to help us provide more useful insights.

[Anonymous]

I also had a younger female sibling do this to me and multiple family members. She is only in contact with two people in my family. The lame explanation I got through a family member is that she was tired of trying. Whatever. It is her loss, and it was exhausting dealing with her constantly; everything was always everyone else's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has OP ever come back to answer any questions or give any information whatsoever beyond the fact the relationship was fine before? If not, perhaps it isn't worth continuing the thread. Assuming the sibling and/or OP has mental health issues, doesn't help anything and I don't think this thread will go anywhere positive. I doubt the sibling wants to reconnect if it's been 4 years and I don't think OP wants to share any information to try to help us provide more useful insights.

This was OPs response a few pages back:
"OP here. It was not a wedding, but another significant event. I have stopped trying. There is also another half sibling where communication has stopped as well, but they were never very close. It’s been very interesting to read all the different opinions and even more so to see that I’m not alone."

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I don’t know who reads these threads so I’m hesitant to give a ton of details. I was just looking to see if other folks had experienced similar things and this has started to become a weird mix of accusations of mental health issues. I actually went to therapy to try to help with this situation because it was devastating to me. Going to therapy doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist. Happy to discontinue the thread. I’m not the one continuing it at this point. I hope others were able to get some thing from it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes siblings do and say things that they don't realize are hurtful/not acceptable/think are fine after years of the same behavior being tolerated. Then there is a moment were the person asserts themselves and cuts off contact.

The reality, a mature person would talk to the sibling, discuss, since in many cases the behavior was never intentional to harm, and frankly the person wasn't aware it was a problem. Might not even be aware that something they do is a problem for someone else.

Again, mature people talk these things out. Unfortunately, the person who is cutting ties WANTS no contact. They don't want to talk. Given that, there is nothing to do about it.

I meant to add that that person who cuts off a sibling without a conversation is immature or emotionally unstable.

Ridiculous. You have no life experience.

There are lots of reasons to not bother with a conversation particularly if there is abuse involved. A more mature person can evaluate the situation and may decide to avoid the drama.

You clearly are someone who has been cut off and you clearly caused it.

There are plenty of reasons to not have a conversation particularly if yu