Great colleges with fewer intense strivers

[Anonymous]

My freshman has found Amherst to be this way. She came from a very intensely competitive boarding school environment and has found college to be a breath of fresh air by comparison, even as a stem major.

[Anonymous]

I think the environment can be as important as the people— where access to research, resume building clubs, etc is not competitive and there isn’t a hard curve in stem intros, even places where kids are ambitious (whether you want to call that striver or something else), there won’t be a feeling of scarcity and hunger games competition and the atmosphere will be much more relaxed and happy. If that is what the OP means, the. SLACs are a good bet; a PP mentioned Amherst, my DC is also at a WASP and having a similar experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Fully agree. And note that there are many Asians who were active participants in the less striver-y culture that used to be more prevalent. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to understand that historically really smart kids were able to go to college, work hard, learn a lot, but also relax, have fun, socially mature, and not be obsessed with grades, how their peers were doing academically, and outwardly sucking up. It really can happen. These kids weren't lazy. They weren't dumb. They weren't unmotivated. They weren't overprivileged white folk (though there were some of these and still are).

All of the people who are obsessed with "meritocracy" and endorse the striver behavior being described throughout this thread (which unfortunately so many posters are refusing to read and digest) don't understand the point of college. It isn't just about academics and/or job hunting. It is a time of social and emotional growth. I understand that as the price rapidly increases, people have to focus more on ROI. But part of the ROI is intangible.

I wish admissions officers at top schools would revert to their prior goals and seek out very smart but well-rounded, kind, fun, down-to-earth kids who used to be very common at top schools but have now become virtually extinct - it is now a split between the super rich kids and the super academic striver kids, with nothing in between. And again, plenty of these in between kids were Asians and minorities.

Now waiting for lots of responses from people who don't understand what I'm saying and won't take 30 seconds to think about it and think I want schools full of "lazy rich white kids."

[Anonymous]

the sad part is all of the striver behavior really does impact emotional and psychological development during the crucial teenage years. And not in a good way. I would support a much “lower ranked” target school where kids can develop with a healthier and more balanced approach during the teenage years. I really feel sorry for many of these striver kids - it’s a lost generation in many respects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Fully agree. And note that there are many Asians who were active participants in the less striver-y culture that used to be more prevalent. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to understand that historically really smart kids were able to go to college, work hard, learn a lot, but also relax, have fun, socially mature, and not be obsessed with grades, how their peers were doing academically, and outwardly sucking up. It really can happen. These kids weren't lazy. They weren't dumb. They weren't unmotivated. They weren't overprivileged white folk (though there were some of these and still are).

All of the people who are obsessed with "meritocracy" and endorse the striver behavior being described throughout this thread (which unfortunately so many posters are refusing to read and digest) don't understand the point of college. It isn't just about academics and/or job hunting. It is a time of social and emotional growth. I understand that as the price rapidly increases, people have to focus more on ROI. But part of the ROI is intangible.

I wish admissions officers at top schools would revert to their prior goals and seek out very smart but well-rounded, kind, fun, down-to-earth kids who used to be very common at top schools but have now become virtually extinct - it is now a split between the super rich kids and the super academic striver kids, with nothing in between. And again, plenty of these in between kids were Asians and minorities.

Now waiting for lots of responses from people who don't understand what I'm saying and won't take 30 seconds to think about it and think I want schools full of "lazy rich white kids."

I’ve never understood the culture of relentless, often pointless grinding—or the illusion of meritocracy built on sacrificing childhood in the name of “getting ahead.” Perhaps it stems from insecurity, with some people relying on external validation to prove their worth. Truly talented people tend to invest their time naturally in what interests them, rather than being pushed to excel.

[Anonymous]

and the really sad part to the above is that the behavior is fostered and encouraged by many
of the moms and dads. Questionable parenting imo, but to each their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

Fully agree. And note that there are many Asians who were active participants in the less striver-y culture that used to be more prevalent. I'm not sure why it is so hard for people to understand that historically really smart kids were able to go to college, work hard, learn a lot, but also relax, have fun, socially mature, and not be obsessed with grades, how their peers were doing academically, and outwardly sucking up. It really can happen. These kids weren't lazy. They weren't dumb. They weren't unmotivated. They weren't overprivileged white folk (though there were some of these and still are).

All of the people who are obsessed with "meritocracy" and endorse the striver behavior being described throughout this thread (which unfortunately so many posters are refusing to read and digest) don't understand the point of college. It isn't just about academics and/or job hunting. It is a time of social and emotional growth. I understand that as the price rapidly increases, people have to focus more on ROI. But part of the ROI is intangible.

I wish admissions officers at top schools would revert to their prior goals and seek out very smart but well-rounded, kind, fun, down-to-earth kids who used to be very common at top schools but have now become virtually extinct - it is now a split between the super rich kids and the super academic striver kids, with nothing in between. And again, plenty of these in between kids were Asians and minorities.

Now waiting for lots of responses from people who don't understand what I'm saying and won't take 30 seconds to think about it and think I want schools full of "lazy rich white kids."

I’ve never understood the culture of relentless, often pointless grinding—or the illusion of meritocracy built on sacrificing childhood in the name of “getting ahead.” Perhaps it stems from insecurity, with some people relying on external validation to prove their worth. Truly talented people tend to invest their time naturally in what interests them, rather than being pushed to excel.

Amen. I think the initial point of this thread was to find schools that cater to families with your mentality (which I 100% agree with). This way of thinking is apparently horrifying to some people. And it is these people who I want my kids to be far away from. We live in NYC and purposely chose a high school that avoided them as much as possible and hope to do the same for college. I'm hoping my kid can actually have some joy during their four years of college. It will serve them well for the rest of life.

[Anonymous]

Grinell, Rice, Macalester, Carleton, Reed, Vassar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

I guess CA is different. Nearly all UCs have a lot of Asians and kids have lots of fun attending, even Cal. Maybe, there’s some genetic variation between Asians on the East and West Coasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of threads on the boards, but Carleton, William & Mary, and Rice all come up a lot, as well as others.

My DS is starting at Carleton in the fall. Our impression from touring and talking to alums we know is that the vibe is more collaborative and congenial than other schools with similarly intense academics.

Compared to who? All the lacs are basically the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of threads on the boards, but Carleton, William & Mary, and Rice all come up a lot, as well as others.

My DS is starting at Carleton in the fall. Our impression from touring and talking to alums we know is that the vibe is more collaborative and congenial than other schools with similarly intense academics.

Compared to who? All the lacs are basically the same.

yup and Carleton is the Wesleyan of the midwest - works for some but certainly not all - buyer beware

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

I guess CA is different. Nearly all UCs have a lot of Asians and kids have lots of fun attending, even Cal. Maybe, there’s some genetic variation between Asians on the East and West Coasts.

https://stanfordhatesfun.com/
https://www.collegemagazine.com/from-a-uc-berkeley-student-welcome-to-the-stress-o-sphere/
https://tech.caltech.edu/2024/09/24/mental-health-at-caltech/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grinell, Rice, Macalester, Carleton, Reed, Vassar

Does striver not include those hellbent on grad school? Reed is particularly stressful and competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate Asians?

NP. I don’t hate Asians. However, as schools become majority Asian they those their fun. Social life is no longer filled with drinking, hooking up, dancing, tailgates, packed sports events, etc. College life is no longer a time of experimentation, wildness, exploration—it is now just school. If you don’t get why this is a bad thing, fine. Others want more for our kids.

I guess CA is different. Nearly all UCs have a lot of Asians and kids have lots of fun attending, even Cal. Maybe, there’s some genetic variation between Asians on the East and West Coasts.

When my son visited two friends from the Bay Area, they drove past one friend’s high school (Lynbrook, I think). Both of them remarked, “I hate this school.” My son was perplexed—he had been told the place was hell. Those friends stated they deliberately chose colleges on the East Coast to be away from Bay Area.

[Anonymous]

Ironically, one of the best examples of a striver in media is not Asian at all - Reese Witherspoon's character in Election. Check it out and you will get the point.