Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Nope. This is not OP's loan. OP's parents were at fault for having kids they could not afford. Kid did not ask to be born.

They could have sent OP to a cheaper college or had a very clear plan with OP about how the loan will be repayed. All of things evidently did not happen.

Usually, no child pays back their parents for their schooling, college etc.

I’m not sure what universe you live in, but this is the opposite of what usually happens. The OP benefited from this loan, and the mother has been a saint to pay the payments as a gift for this long. OP needs to be grateful and start paying in full, and consider paying her mother back for the money spent.

The parents dropped the ball on communication.

All of this nonsense could have been avoided if they had been upfront with OP from the moment she went to college.

There are people of different means on this board. Some people's kids will have to pay for the loans their parents took. But that should be communicated up front.

Sou ds like your parents had good intentions but bad follow through and bad financial know how.

Reset his as your mom approachs retirement and plan accordingly

DP, in theory I agree with you, but at this point, it’s insane for the mother to continue to pay for a loan that benefited OPs education directly. And the fact that she and her husband have no problem paying his student loan off.

Presumably her husbands loans are in his name and he signed the paperwork with the agreement that they were his responsibility. OP did none of those things. Her mother can try to discharge this loan in bankruptcy or work with her ex-husband who presumably also has his name on the loan. This is only OPs problem if she allows it to be.

[Anonymous]

Instead of you assuming the loan you’re probably better off sending her the money every month, and trying to keep it under the gift tax amount each year (which used to be 10K—not sure what it is now). That is a big expense though and I’m sorry you didn’t budget for it — it’s not cool to spring it on you. If there’s still a lot on it. Bankruptcy might not be a bad idea. Or to think about refinancing it to spread the payments out more — that might be an options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a loan under her name. Paying 1000k monthly while I have other student loans plus my husbands loans + daycare is a lot. I’m mad because of the way she handled it. She could have sit down with us and explained the situation- instead I get a random text with the log in for the loan telling me to pay next month.

Yes, she could have handled it better. But you also could have said, "Hey mom, I know you're in a financial crisis now because of the divorce. I bet paying for that loan is really hard for you. Would you like to split it with me going forward?" Each of you could have done better, but here we are. Hers is a reasonable ask, considering her financial situation.

[Anonymous]

You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMFG yes you pay for that.

100%
OP, it's crazy that you are annoyed by this. Thank your mom for doing what she could and pay off your debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

And I can imagine a world where I’d ask my 18 year old to take on huge debt. I think you're a horrible parent.

But this is a grown woman with children of her own who is paying off her husbands student loans. But still expects her mother to pay hers off while she’s in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

We’re talking about recent financial trouble post divorce!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You knew you got the loan. You know mom is bad with finances. You knew she got a divorce. You never bothered to ask to see the loan/ balance?
Where did the two kids come from suddenly? Why wasn't mot of the debt under control before adding daycare? You are a mess.
Why didn't you work and pay as you go? Most foreign students do that.

I didn’t know anything about my parents finances at 18, other than that they paid for college. It’s not on OP that her parents divorced.

We’re talking about recent financial trouble post divorce!!

We’re talking about saddling OP’s family with a $20,000 bill for a debt that her parents took on when she was 18 and had (apparently) no expectation she was going to be asked to pay it back. Neither her mother’s financial woes nor her parents failed marriage makes this suddenly her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine a world where my child expects me as parent to pay for their college loan. This is insane.

And I can imagine a world where I’d ask my 18 year old to take on huge debt. I think you're a horrible parent.

But this is a grown woman with children of her own who is paying off her husbands student loans. But still expects her mother to pay hers off while she’s in debt.

They’re not hers, they’re her mother’s. Her husbands signature is probably on his loans. OP’s is not.

[Anonymous]

My parents took out a PLUS loan in the 90s to send me to college. I would be very surprised if they contacted me asking to pay it back. So I don’t understand the vitriol against OP. This would be like if a parent paid your tuition for college and then years later came back asking for reimbursement.

[Anonymous]

It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

By screwing over her own kids. And so not being a good mom *to them*. So if OP winds up in financial difficulties they shouldn’t help her catch up.

[Anonymous]

Gurlllll pay that loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s understandable you are upset and legally as mentioned your mom is on the hook. Circumstances in life change and I can imagine the struggle not just emotionally but financially from a later in life divorce for your mom. If she was a good mom to you growing up why not help ease that burden? Yes, you will have to change your financial plans but she’s got a much shorter time frame to catch up than you.

By screwing over her own kids. And so not being a good mom *to them*. So if OP winds up in financial difficulties they shouldn’t help her catch up.

Being a good parent is more than what happens financially, IMO. It sounds like either side is going to have financial difficulties/challenges with this situation. Unfortunately, mom still has less time to catch up. I think it’s reasonable to help with the student loan, but tell mom the rest of her retirement she will need sort out on her own whether that means selling her house, working more, etc..