Would you move to NYC for a new job at 46 with 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

New Yorker here, in Manhattan. No one truly likes the suburbs all that much, they just say that. If OP is comfortable doing public school - and there are amazing publics but you have to work to get in them- living in Manhattan or Brooklyn or queens is highly preferable. Why move to NYC to not live in NYC?

Being a teenage in NYC is amazing. And not sure what you mean about crime. It’s really not that big of an issue despite what you might read.

Not true. There are many nice suburbs where people genuinely enjoy living. YOU may dislike suburbs but you’re not everyone.

I do agree that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to trade one suburb with another. Stay in the DC suburbs.

Sure, people can end up tolerating their suburb. But anyone who moves to NYC to live in NYC and then ends up moving to a NYC suburb (still very expensive and you have to commute, but the school thing is easier) does it for one of two reasons- they don’t have the $ to live how they want to live in NYC and/or they are worried their kids won’t make the cut at one of the top NYC publics.

Or safety. Friend big time lawyer NYC. Owned in Brooklyn, loved it, bought a home in suburbs during pandemic and now sold place in Brooklyn because their area which they said (I have no idea as I dont know the area) was very popular and kid friendly is not very safe anymore and has had many instances. When they went back the local playground kids don't play on anymore according to them. So that was why they moved. They owned, kids went to private, but they seem very happy in the suburbs, have lots of friends and are happy their kids can move around freely.

Where is this? I find that extremely hard to believe. Brooklyn is massively gentrified now, and even formerly ‘up and coming’ areas are $$ now and very safe. I suspect they moved for other reasons- private school tuition was too much and they didn’t get one or more of their kids into the public they wanted for them- and they didn’t want to admit this. The SHS public schools are very sought after, but they are not right for every kid, and sometimes parents have a hard time admitting that. It’s like Stuy or Hunter or bust, and they are competing against kids whose parents have been prepping them for years (yes, lots of Asians). Too bad, bc there are tons of strong options other than SHS. I know bc I know kids who have thrived in them, gone on to great colleges etc

I went to dinner with them maybe 2 weeks ago and they said they still talk to their former neighbors and there are issues. Allegedly drugs, violence, etc. They also lived in Brooklyn and Manhattan for 20 years, so they are not shocked by much. Their kids were in privates and I don't think a partner has an issue with tuition.

Wherever they lived had a housing authority nearby which they said was not really an issue when they lived there but according to their neighbors has had some incidents recently.

I am just going by what they told me (and I won't be saying what area as mutual friends read this forum). It is a different life, they have a larger house now, kids walk and bike to school, bike or walk to friends homes even at night, easy to sign up for activities.

The one complain is commuting that if you don't hit the right train you can have issues from the burbs into the city sometimes.

Again, that doesn’t fully add up. What area of Brooklyn?

I’ll add that law firm partners are not considered super rich in NYC. Private schools are 60k a year and up, and admissions are extremely competitive, so again, I suspect the move was also a school issue. But who knows? Im just noting that people don’t leave Brooklyn bc of the crime. It’s just not a thing.

Eh. There's plenty of petty unreported crime. And not all of Brooklyn is gentrified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

New Yorker here, in Manhattan. No one truly likes the suburbs all that much, they just say that. If OP is comfortable doing public school - and there are amazing publics but you have to work to get in them- living in Manhattan or Brooklyn or queens is highly preferable. Why move to NYC to not live in NYC?

Being a teenage in NYC is amazing. And not sure what you mean about crime. It’s really not that big of an issue despite what you might read.

Not true. There are many nice suburbs where people genuinely enjoy living. YOU may dislike suburbs but you’re not everyone.

I do agree that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to trade one suburb with another. Stay in the DC suburbs.

Sure, people can end up tolerating their suburb. But anyone who moves to NYC to live in NYC and then ends up moving to a NYC suburb (still very expensive and you have to commute, but the school thing is easier) does it for one of two reasons- they don’t have the $ to live how they want to live in NYC and/or they are worried their kids won’t make the cut at one of the top NYC publics.

Or safety. Friend big time lawyer NYC. Owned in Brooklyn, loved it, bought a home in suburbs during pandemic and now sold place in Brooklyn because their area which they said (I have no idea as I dont know the area) was very popular and kid friendly is not very safe anymore and has had many instances. When they went back the local playground kids don't play on anymore according to them. So that was why they moved. They owned, kids went to private, but they seem very happy in the suburbs, have lots of friends and are happy their kids can move around freely.

Where is this? I find that extremely hard to believe. Brooklyn is massively gentrified now, and even formerly ‘up and coming’ areas are $$ now and very safe. I suspect they moved for other reasons- private school tuition was too much and they didn’t get one or more of their kids into the public they wanted for them- and they didn’t want to admit this. The SHS public schools are very sought after, but they are not right for every kid, and sometimes parents have a hard time admitting that. It’s like Stuy or Hunter or bust, and they are competing against kids whose parents have been prepping them for years (yes, lots of Asians). Too bad, bc there are tons of strong options other than SHS. I know bc I know kids who have thrived in them, gone on to great colleges etc

I went to dinner with them maybe 2 weeks ago and they said they still talk to their former neighbors and there are issues. Allegedly drugs, violence, etc. They also lived in Brooklyn and Manhattan for 20 years, so they are not shocked by much. Their kids were in privates and I don't think a partner has an issue with tuition.

Wherever they lived had a housing authority nearby which they said was not really an issue when they lived there but according to their neighbors has had some incidents recently.

I am just going by what they told me (and I won't be saying what area as mutual friends read this forum). It is a different life, they have a larger house now, kids walk and bike to school, bike or walk to friends homes even at night, easy to sign up for activities.

The one complain is commuting that if you don't hit the right train you can have issues from the burbs into the city sometimes.

Again, that doesn’t fully add up. What area of Brooklyn?

I’ll add that law firm partners are not considered super rich in NYC. Private schools are 60k a year and up, and admissions are extremely competitive, so again, I suspect the move was also a school issue. But who knows? Im just noting that people don’t leave Brooklyn bc of the crime. It’s just not a thing.

My former manager is MD at a big 4 now, she raised 3 kids in NYC. When her son didn’t get in this sports team she was livid they moved to some town where he can prep for competition. People move for outlandish reasons here, except for crime 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

New Yorker here, in Manhattan. No one truly likes the suburbs all that much, they just say that. If OP is comfortable doing public school - and there are amazing publics but you have to work to get in them- living in Manhattan or Brooklyn or queens is highly preferable. Why move to NYC to not live in NYC?

Being a teenage in NYC is amazing. And not sure what you mean about crime. It’s really not that big of an issue despite what you might read.

Not true. There are many nice suburbs where people genuinely enjoy living. YOU may dislike suburbs but you’re not everyone.

I do agree that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to trade one suburb with another. Stay in the DC suburbs.

Sure, people can end up tolerating their suburb. But anyone who moves to NYC to live in NYC and then ends up moving to a NYC suburb (still very expensive and you have to commute, but the school thing is easier) does it for one of two reasons- they don’t have the $ to live how they want to live in NYC and/or they are worried their kids won’t make the cut at one of the top NYC publics.

Or safety. Friend big time lawyer NYC. Owned in Brooklyn, loved it, bought a home in suburbs during pandemic and now sold place in Brooklyn because their area which they said (I have no idea as I dont know the area) was very popular and kid friendly is not very safe anymore and has had many instances. When they went back the local playground kids don't play on anymore according to them. So that was why they moved. They owned, kids went to private, but they seem very happy in the suburbs, have lots of friends and are happy their kids can move around freely.

Where is this? I find that extremely hard to believe. Brooklyn is massively gentrified now, and even formerly ‘up and coming’ areas are $$ now and very safe. I suspect they moved for other reasons- private school tuition was too much and they didn’t get one or more of their kids into the public they wanted for them- and they didn’t want to admit this. The SHS public schools are very sought after, but they are not right for every kid, and sometimes parents have a hard time admitting that. It’s like Stuy or Hunter or bust, and they are competing against kids whose parents have been prepping them for years (yes, lots of Asians). Too bad, bc there are tons of strong options other than SHS. I know bc I know kids who have thrived in them, gone on to great colleges etc

I went to dinner with them maybe 2 weeks ago and they said they still talk to their former neighbors and there are issues. Allegedly drugs, violence, etc. They also lived in Brooklyn and Manhattan for 20 years, so they are not shocked by much. Their kids were in privates and I don't think a partner has an issue with tuition.

Wherever they lived had a housing authority nearby which they said was not really an issue when they lived there but according to their neighbors has had some incidents recently.

I am just going by what they told me (and I won't be saying what area as mutual friends read this forum). It is a different life, they have a larger house now, kids walk and bike to school, bike or walk to friends homes even at night, easy to sign up for activities.

The one complain is commuting that if you don't hit the right train you can have issues from the burbs into the city sometimes.

Again, that doesn’t fully add up. What area of Brooklyn?

I’ll add that law firm partners are not considered super rich in NYC. Private schools are 60k a year and up, and admissions are extremely competitive, so again, I suspect the move was also a school issue. But who knows? Im just noting that people don’t leave Brooklyn bc of the crime. It’s just not a thing.

Eh. There's plenty of petty unreported crime. And not all of Brooklyn is gentrified.

Brooklyn is very gentrified, certainly any neighborhood that a ‘big law partner’ who has kids would have bought in.

Even gowanus gentrified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

You just described my ideal family life. If you don’t mind me asking - how much rent do you pay? Are you set for MS and HS using public schools?

On the flip side - I know some kids who grew up on the UES and they are VERY messed up. I feel like if a teen is going to go off the rails, NYC makes the dangers much more dangerous. But I guess they aren’t drunk driving so maybe that’s a plus compared to the burbs? And these are wealthy private school kids, so maybe that’s different from your lifestyle (which although comfortable is basically UES middle class.)

What exactly do you mean by that?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

You just described my ideal family life. If you don’t mind me asking - how much rent do you pay? Are you set for MS and HS using public schools?

On the flip side - I know some kids who grew up on the UES and they are VERY messed up. I feel like if a teen is going to go off the rails, NYC makes the dangers much more dangerous. But I guess they aren’t drunk driving so maybe that’s a plus compared to the burbs? And these are wealthy private school kids, so maybe that’s different from your lifestyle (which although comfortable is basically UES middle class.)

What exactly do you mean by that?

I’m not PP but that seems sort of anecdotal and not entirely accurate, other than kids with immense wealth can have problems pretty much anywhere. The extreme wealth is the issue, not the location.

I’m the NY’er posting above, and I’ll add that my anecdotal experience is that suburban kids smoke and drink more and get into far more trouble- boredom, more space to hide things maybe- there are so many interesting and ambitious kids in the city involved in all sorts of interesting things the city offers, and they tend to be more together and mature than the suburban kids. This is true of all the teens I know, not just the ones at the very top top schools.

[Anonymous]

Op what did you decide finally?

[Anonymous]

Op - $350k in nyc is not a lot. We live in nyc and have hhi $650 and we struggle and live in a small 2 bedroom. With 3 kids you would need to live in burbs bc private is $65k per kid and city publics are either super competitive and you need to test in or meh. So depends if you are ok with commute. nyc is much more dynamic than dc if you are in marketing or brand or startup/ tech or finance. But in your shoes I would expect $350 to translate to $5-550 to make the move worthwhile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

New Yorker here, in Manhattan. No one truly likes the suburbs all that much, they just say that. If OP is comfortable doing public school - and there are amazing publics but you have to work to get in them- living in Manhattan or Brooklyn or queens is highly preferable. Why move to NYC to not live in NYC?

Being a teenage in NYC is amazing. And not sure what you mean about crime. It’s really not that big of an issue despite what you might read.

Not true. There are many nice suburbs where people genuinely enjoy living. YOU may dislike suburbs but you’re not everyone.

I do agree that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to trade one suburb with another. Stay in the DC suburbs.

Sure, people can end up tolerating their suburb. But anyone who moves to NYC to live in NYC and then ends up moving to a NYC suburb (still very expensive and you have to commute, but the school thing is easier) does it for one of two reasons- they don’t have the $ to live how they want to live in NYC and/or they are worried their kids won’t make the cut at one of the top NYC publics.

Or safety. Friend big time lawyer NYC. Owned in Brooklyn, loved it, bought a home in suburbs during pandemic and now sold place in Brooklyn because their area which they said (I have no idea as I dont know the area) was very popular and kid friendly is not very safe anymore and has had many instances. When they went back the local playground kids don't play on anymore according to them. So that was why they moved. They owned, kids went to private, but they seem very happy in the suburbs, have lots of friends and are happy their kids can move around freely.

Where is this? I find that extremely hard to believe. Brooklyn is massively gentrified now, and even formerly ‘up and coming’ areas are $$ now and very safe. I suspect they moved for other reasons- private school tuition was too much and they didn’t get one or more of their kids into the public they wanted for them- and they didn’t want to admit this. The SHS public schools are very sought after, but they are not right for every kid, and sometimes parents have a hard time admitting that. It’s like Stuy or Hunter or bust, and they are competing against kids whose parents have been prepping them for years (yes, lots of Asians). Too bad, bc there are tons of strong options other than SHS. I know bc I know kids who have thrived in them, gone on to great colleges etc

I went to dinner with them maybe 2 weeks ago and they said they still talk to their former neighbors and there are issues. Allegedly drugs, violence, etc. They also lived in Brooklyn and Manhattan for 20 years, so they are not shocked by much. Their kids were in privates and I don't think a partner has an issue with tuition.

Wherever they lived had a housing authority nearby which they said was not really an issue when they lived there but according to their neighbors has had some incidents recently.

I am just going by what they told me (and I won't be saying what area as mutual friends read this forum). It is a different life, they have a larger house now, kids walk and bike to school, bike or walk to friends homes even at night, easy to sign up for activities.

The one complain is commuting that if you don't hit the right train you can have issues from the burbs into the city sometimes.

No one doesn’t have issue with tuition. I mean who has $800k a kid to spend on something you’ll never get back? Even if you’re a partner you’d have to be making an absolutely sh*t ton to not care. We are in a private and other families there are either a. Insane wealth (not partners but family money), b. Do care and would shift to burbs but need to be in office all the time/ hate the burbs or c. Fa. No one who goes into an office every day is take it or leave it

[Anonymous]

DH took a NY job and instead of doubling pay negotiated a corporate rental so he's up there 2-3 days a week. I think the rental is like $4k so the firm makes out ($50k a year + maybe $20k on trains) instead of an extra $500k in comp.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Go. You are so lucky. DMV sux shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

Raised two kids in NYC on much less than OP's HHI.
If public school, yes, one has to strategize. We are a West Side D3 family and lucked/tested into great schools throughout.
I was able to work PT because the commute was so short. The kids did not need chauffeuring around after 5th grade - everyone jumps on the subway or bus. The downside is they don't have a yen to learn how to drive.
DH and I grew up in the DC suburbs (Arlington and Bethesda) so we appreciate the suburban life too.
One isn't superior to the other. It's just different. The family will adjust. The kids will have their city experience and get it out of their system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

New Yorker here, in Manhattan. No one truly likes the suburbs all that much, they just say that. If OP is comfortable doing public school - and there are amazing publics but you have to work to get in them- living in Manhattan or Brooklyn or queens is highly preferable. Why move to NYC to not live in NYC?

Being a teenage in NYC is amazing. And not sure what you mean about crime. It’s really not that big of an issue despite what you might read.

Not true. There are many nice suburbs where people genuinely enjoy living. YOU may dislike suburbs but you’re not everyone.

I do agree that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to trade one suburb with another. Stay in the DC suburbs.

Sure, people can end up tolerating their suburb. But anyone who moves to NYC to live in NYC and then ends up moving to a NYC suburb (still very expensive and you have to commute, but the school thing is easier) does it for one of two reasons- they don’t have the $ to live how they want to live in NYC and/or they are worried their kids won’t make the cut at one of the top NYC publics.

Or safety. Friend big time lawyer NYC. Owned in Brooklyn, loved it, bought a home in suburbs during pandemic and now sold place in Brooklyn because their area which they said (I have no idea as I dont know the area) was very popular and kid friendly is not very safe anymore and has had many instances. When they went back the local playground kids don't play on anymore according to them. So that was why they moved. They owned, kids went to private, but they seem very happy in the suburbs, have lots of friends and are happy their kids can move around freely.

Where is this? I find that extremely hard to believe. Brooklyn is massively gentrified now, and even formerly ‘up and coming’ areas are $$ now and very safe. I suspect they moved for other reasons- private school tuition was too much and they didn’t get one or more of their kids into the public they wanted for them- and they didn’t want to admit this. The SHS public schools are very sought after, but they are not right for every kid, and sometimes parents have a hard time admitting that. It’s like Stuy or Hunter or bust, and they are competing against kids whose parents have been prepping them for years (yes, lots of Asians). Too bad, bc there are tons of strong options other than SHS. I know bc I know kids who have thrived in them, gone on to great colleges etc

I went to dinner with them maybe 2 weeks ago and they said they still talk to their former neighbors and there are issues. Allegedly drugs, violence, etc. They also lived in Brooklyn and Manhattan for 20 years, so they are not shocked by much. Their kids were in privates and I don't think a partner has an issue with tuition.

Wherever they lived had a housing authority nearby which they said was not really an issue when they lived there but according to their neighbors has had some incidents recently.

I am just going by what they told me (and I won't be saying what area as mutual friends read this forum). It is a different life, they have a larger house now, kids walk and bike to school, bike or walk to friends homes even at night, easy to sign up for activities.

The one complain is commuting that if you don't hit the right train you can have issues from the burbs into the city sometimes.

No one doesn’t have issue with tuition. I mean who has $800k a kid to spend on something you’ll never get back? Even if you’re a partner you’d have to be making an absolutely sh*t ton to not care. We are in a private and other families there are either a. Insane wealth (not partners but family money), b. Do care and would shift to burbs but need to be in office all the time/ hate the burbs or c. Fa. No one who goes into an office every day is take it or leave it

NYC has diverse options for schooling. We have avg private like basis that’s 40k/year. There are specialized schools for professional children around 50k/year. We have success academy specialized charter school. There are also religious school you can do for way less if that’s your thing. We can also retreat to burbs and do public. Your 800k/kid is a nice imagination but unfortunately it’s exception and not the rule.