Would you move to NYC for a new job at 46 with 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, 9th grade (could repeat grade if were to switch schools as very young for grade), 6th and 4th grade.

I may be offered a job in nyc. I make $350k in dc right now.

How much more would justify a move with a family from dc? Dh can work remotely $150k salary

I would need to make double and even then I wouldn't live in NYC, but a suburb. Do your kids want to move? Do they have close friendships? If they have good friends and you have a network in DC I would stay unless you may be laid off or something. Look for something new in DC. Also, what is commuting time? If it will be more if you move do you want to be away from your kids (if you take NJ transit, it can be a mess, take early trains).

I know a few families who lived in NYC with a higher HHI and they all moved/ say they are happier in the suburbs. One with 7 figure salary moved to Old Greenwich and loves it, another moved to Chatham, NJ and two who moved to Princeton, NJ. They lived in the city, loved it (some Brooklyn), but were tired of the crime, figuring out schools, and living in small apartments. Two families had kids in school and it worked out fine, the other has a toddler.

I would go look at some of these areas if you can if you are thinking of moving to see if you like certain areas/ cost of taxes etc (NJ and CT have high taxes) impact take home pay.

This kind of suburban lifestyle really only works if one parent stays home and the other commutes into the city. Which luckily sounds like OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

100 percent yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to live in NYC? That seems like a bigger question than the kids' adaptability - they would be fine. It would take a million dollars to get me to move to NYC though, and even then....

+1 OP our HHI is similar to yours and our life is very comfortable here. I think it would take $1M+ HHI to have something comparable up there. I would only make the move if you actually want to live in NYC and have that experience.

That’s a ridiculous #. We make 500k combined in NYC, have a nice 3500 sf house in a top school district. We shop at Whole Foods, cater holiday meals, workout with trainers… what do people need 1mm for? Of course don’t turn it down if it’s offered.

Where is your house?
Do both parents commute into NYC?
How long is the commute?
Do the kids go to public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t bother. I have always wanted to live in Manhattan or Brooklyn, but I don’t get why living in the burbs with three kids would be better than living here? We don’t make it into DC that much, I am sure NYC would be the same. I would hunker down here for a few more years, and when the kids are gone you can do whatever.

Senior level jobs are pretty competitive and you might miss your window when the kids are gone off to college and you are 52…

Of course if you work to live, then I agree. 500k is more than enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to live in NYC? That seems like a bigger question than the kids' adaptability - they would be fine. It would take a million dollars to get me to move to NYC though, and even then....

+1 OP our HHI is similar to yours and our life is very comfortable here. I think it would take $1M+ HHI to have something comparable up there. I would only make the move if you actually want to live in NYC and have that experience.

That’s a ridiculous #. We make 500k combined in NYC, have a nice 3500 sf house in a top school district. We shop at Whole Foods, cater holiday meals, workout with trainers… what do people need 1mm for? Of course don’t turn it down if it’s offered.

Where is your house?
Do both parents commute into NYC?
How long is the commute?
Do the kids go to public schools?

Northern Westchester.
I commute 4 days, DH commutes 2 days.
50 min train ride.
Top public school, property tax is about 40k/year.
We save plenty, have extra to buy nice furniture and take 2 trips per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

You just described my ideal family life. If you don’t mind me asking - how much rent do you pay? Are you set for MS and HS using public schools?

On the flip side - I know some kids who grew up on the UES and they are VERY messed up. I feel like if a teen is going to go off the rails, NYC makes the dangers much more dangerous. But I guess they aren’t drunk driving so maybe that’s a plus compared to the burbs? And these are wealthy private school kids, so maybe that’s different from your lifestyle (which although comfortable is basically UES middle class.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to live in NYC? That seems like a bigger question than the kids' adaptability - they would be fine. It would take a million dollars to get me to move to NYC though, and even then....

+1 OP our HHI is similar to yours and our life is very comfortable here. I think it would take $1M+ HHI to have something comparable up there. I would only make the move if you actually want to live in NYC and have that experience.

That’s a ridiculous #. We make 500k combined in NYC, have a nice 3500 sf house in a top school district. We shop at Whole Foods, cater holiday meals, workout with trainers… what do people need 1mm for? Of course don’t turn it down if it’s offered.

Where is your house?
Do both parents commute into NYC?
How long is the commute?
Do the kids go to public schools?

Northern Westchester.
I commute 4 days, DH commutes 2 days.
50 min train ride.
Top public school, property tax is about 40k/year.
We save plenty, have extra to buy nice furniture and take 2 trips per year.

homes are like $2.5 mil in Scarsdale right now … Also the commute is longer than 50 minute - that’s just metro north. If you add in the time waiting for the train and the commute to and from the station, it’s got to be closer to 90 minutes, right? But yes, sounds like that could work if parents have complementary WFH schedules, although I would not have wanted to commute 90 minutes at all when my kids were little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

I fully resonate with this. Am jealous as I type this from my small suburban duplex, thinking about all of the yard stuff I have neglected.

[Anonymous]

I would move to NYC for only a little more than what you are currently making but I only have one kid. We love NYC. But I'd bank on doing private all the way through for all kids. Maybe you get away with magnets for one or two but I wouldn't count on it. School is really hard in NYC and is the primary thing keeping us away.

But I also don't know what your standard of living is or what you want it to be. We'd be perfectly happy living in a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn or Manhattan, no car, and cooking at home quite a bit. But again -- one kid. And her college is mostly saved for already.

We would spend a lot of money on museums and dance and theater. I'd also definitely spend more on clothes than I do currently because I love fashion and the standards are higher in NYC and I would want to keep up (but also it's easier to dress well on a budget there because the shopping is so much better). We'd be fine giving up some space and a car-dependent lifestyle. We like the subway and walking.

I don't know, I think it mostly depends on whether you are NYC people or not. I tend to think if you have 3 kids you may not be. Nothing against having a big family, just that the city is not conducive to larger families at all so I would wonder if other aspects of your lifestyle wouldn't work there either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to live in NYC? That seems like a bigger question than the kids' adaptability - they would be fine. It would take a million dollars to get me to move to NYC though, and even then....

+1 OP our HHI is similar to yours and our life is very comfortable here. I think it would take $1M+ HHI to have something comparable up there. I would only make the move if you actually want to live in NYC and have that experience.

That’s a ridiculous #. We make 500k combined in NYC, have a nice 3500 sf house in a top school district. We shop at Whole Foods, cater holiday meals, workout with trainers… what do people need 1mm for? Of course don’t turn it down if it’s offered.

Where is your house?
Do both parents commute into NYC?
How long is the commute?
Do the kids go to public schools?

Northern Westchester.
I commute 4 days, DH commutes 2 days.
50 min train ride.
Top public school, property tax is about 40k/year.
We save plenty, have extra to buy nice furniture and take 2 trips per year.

homes are like $2.5 mil in Scarsdale right now … Also the commute is longer than 50 minute - that’s just metro north. If you add in the time waiting for the train and the commute to and from the station, it’s got to be closer to 90 minutes, right? But yes, sounds like that could work if parents have complementary WFH schedules, although I would not have wanted to commute 90 minutes at all when my kids were little.

DP but there have been plenty of nice homes that have sold in the $1.5-2.0 million range recently and the express train is 35 minutes to grand central. Just depends on the details.

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

I would only make this move if I was with an international organization that pays private school tuition or a private employer willing to offer me some support in school applications.

With two teens, I could absolutely make a small space work and I think they would appreciate the freedom and opportunities that NYC offers, but navigating the school process sounds like a nightmare and one that could easily derail the kids if I wasn't intentional about where they landed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to live in NYC? That seems like a bigger question than the kids' adaptability - they would be fine. It would take a million dollars to get me to move to NYC though, and even then....

+1 OP our HHI is similar to yours and our life is very comfortable here. I think it would take $1M+ HHI to have something comparable up there. I would only make the move if you actually want to live in NYC and have that experience.

That’s a ridiculous #. We make 500k combined in NYC, have a nice 3500 sf house in a top school district. We shop at Whole Foods, cater holiday meals, workout with trainers… what do people need 1mm for? Of course don’t turn it down if it’s offered.

Where is your house?
Do both parents commute into NYC?
How long is the commute?
Do the kids go to public schools?

Northern Westchester.
I commute 4 days, DH commutes 2 days.
50 min train ride.
Top public school, property tax is about 40k/year.
We save plenty, have extra to buy nice furniture and take 2 trips per year.

homes are like $2.5 mil in Scarsdale right now … Also the commute is longer than 50 minute - that’s just metro north. If you add in the time waiting for the train and the commute to and from the station, it’s got to be closer to 90 minutes, right? But yes, sounds like that could work if parents have complementary WFH schedules, although I would not have wanted to commute 90 minutes at all when my kids were little.

I left home at 7:40am today to drop off kids at school, rolled in my office at 8:55. It’s def hard to do 5 days a week, but 2-3 is worth the suckup for 100% more pay if you don’t have generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t bother. I have always wanted to live in Manhattan or Brooklyn, but I don’t get why living in the burbs with three kids would be better than living here? We don’t make it into DC that much, I am sure NYC would be the same. I would hunker down here for a few more years, and when the kids are gone you can do whatever.

Senior level jobs are pretty competitive and you might miss your window when the kids are gone off to college and you are 52…

Of course if you work to live, then I agree. 500k is more than enough.

I will echo this. We don't have enough information. Are you at a ceiling comp wise here? Do you have family in/around the NY tri-state area? How many days in the office? Is DH cool on shouldering the burden of kids since you'll have a commute?

I personally hate DC, my family is further north, and I wish I'd moved because I have a definite ceiling in my career here and my career is important to me. I am also cool with public schools, and know there are some good ones in the NY suburbs.

Don't forget to consider the taxes in whatever math you do. Both NY and NJ have higher state income taxes. CT not as bad. I believe RET in all three are higher, but if you use public schools, you can consider it tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While we make 500k, all 3 kids are in private school in dc, totally $90k. We would live outside nyc and I would commute to city

Sounds like a nightmare to me.