Would you move to NYC for a new job at 46 with 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

I would do this but would live in the suburbs and use public schools instead of living in NYC. Which suburbs depends on where the job is.

[Anonymous]

500K is not enough for a family of 3 to live in NYC imo. You would need to live in Queens or NJ with 3 kids. Your commute would be long. Your kids would be fine but your life would be a slog and money would be tight.

[Anonymous]

To go from DC to NYC I'd need a huge jump. I'm not sure of current housing prices there, but here in NoVa we are used to thinking our home prices are out of control - but NYC is way, way worse. I'd investigate that first. Not just prices, but standard of living. In NYC only the billionaires have nice places - even a million dollar penthouse apartment in NYC is basically still pretty crappy and tiny, and might not even have a view of much. Suburbs aren't an option the same way they are here - they tend to be further away and require a train ride. And the schools? Just no. I'm not sure if I'd do it or not, but it would have to be one hell of a jump in pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

Sounds like a great life style!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you will be poor AF

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Honestly like $600K minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

Problem is you rent. For many of us, that’s not a good financial plan. NY rents increase significantly and you don’t have a paid off house in retirement.

I know plenty of families in NY renting and they are behind financially due to renting. If you can rent an inexpensive apartment in NY like you can in your 20s, that’s great. But my guess is you’re spending a good 5-7k minimum a month on a three bedroom without anything to show for it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t bother. I have always wanted to live in Manhattan or Brooklyn, but I don’t get why living in the burbs with three kids would be better than living here? We don’t make it into DC that much, I am sure NYC would be the same. I would hunker down here for a few more years, and when the kids are gone you can do whatever.

[Anonymous]

I'm in NYC with two kids. The hardest part is figuring out schools, but if you choose your neighborhood wisely you will find good public options through middle school. Public high school is a little more tricky because you can't rely on zoned schools, but there are many good options for bright students.

You will need to sacrifice space, but there are other things that make up for that. As another poster stated, kids here can be pretty independent at a young age. The city is a fun and exciting place for them to be.

[Anonymous]

NYC is NOT more expensive than DC I dont know where people get that from.

I moved NYC to DC with three kids.

Married couples with three kids do not live in Manhattan. They live in Suburbs. I lived out on Long Island which was a 45 minute LIRR ride in and my town had resident only parking at the train station and I was a five minute ride to station. My employer paid actually for monthly subway pass and I used the pretax transist check account to pay LIRR. Some people live walking distance train be it NJ Transit, Metro North etc.

But only difference is house size. They tax houses a lot based on size of house. So I had a small house on purpose as did not want to pay a ton property taxes.

There is so much more for kids to do in NYC area. We do very little here.

My expenses rose when I moved to DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in NYC with two kids. The hardest part is figuring out schools, but if you choose your neighborhood wisely you will find good public options through middle school. Public high school is a little more tricky because you can't rely on zoned schools, but there are many good options for bright students.

You will need to sacrifice space, but there are other things that make up for that. As another poster stated, kids here can be pretty independent at a young age. The city is a fun and exciting place for them to be.

You just move Manhasset, Rockville Centre, Garden City on Long Island is where 1/2 my Big 4 Partners lived when I worked in Manhattan. Amazing schools, short commute. Near the beaches, and if you get Hamptons house like a lot have, short trip on weekends

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I’d be willing to move a 9th and 6th grader for anything. In that scenario I’d accept a hefty pay raise to commute into NY regularly. Eg, Monday afternoon through Thursday afternoon. This is what my father did when my siblings and I were in HS/MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did a similar move with slightly younger kids right before the pandemic. We didn’t have a choice, though - I was laid off, but had to leave the area to get work bc of a non-compete that was still enforced.

Prior to the move we made (together) 300K and we don’t have family money to supplement. We lived in a DMV suburb (but not a particularly nice one) & kids were in public school - not great schools and the kids weren’t super happy.

We moved at 450K, and then I changed jobs again so we are at 600K (combined) now.

It feels like we are at about the same standard of living with regard to vacations, clothes, etc. But I guess we aren’t really at the same level at all since we rent a 1200 sf 3 br apartment on the UES. No house, relatively tiny, no yard, kids are still in public school (District 2 in NYC has really excellent public schools). It’s a very different way of life, and it is difficult to make a 1:1 comparison.

It has worked out well for us (knock on wood). The kids love public school - they aren’t sporty or really good looking or “popular”, and NYC is far, far more accepting of kids who are artistic or just different as compared to the DMV. Kids here are expected to be very independent - in 6th grade they start taking the subway to school by themselves, and the kids leave school grounds to eat lunch 8 times a month (“out lunch”). The kids organize their own social schedule and go to friends’ apartments by themselves - don’t need parents to drive them anywhere. They absolutely love the freedom, and feel bad for their friends back in Maryland.

I also never liked the suburbs, never felt comfortable socially with the other moms, am not “house proud,” and I hated yard work.
All of these “problems” are solved by NYC living. Our family also feels closer - in part because you can’t retreat to your own corner of a big house - everyone is pretty much up in each others face all the time - you’ve got to be really really mad to stomp out of the apartment and take the elevator 15 floors to wander around outside in 25 degree weather!

So, just be sure that you are ready for the lifestyle change OR a really long commute. It’s not possible to recreate a suburban lifestyle if you live in NYC proper. But that was not our goal, and I’m not entirely sure if that is your goal. With regard to the NYC suburbs, I don’t really know much about living in westchester or NJ, so I can’t comment meaningfully. But if your family wants a “reset” and suburban living is not your thing, then moving to the city for not THAT much more money might be worth it.

Problem is you rent. For many of us, that’s not a good financial plan. NY rents increase significantly and you don’t have a paid off house in retirement.

I know plenty of families in NY renting and they are behind financially due to renting. If you can rent an inexpensive apartment in NY like you can in your 20s, that’s great. But my guess is you’re spending a good 5-7k minimum a month on a three bedroom without anything to show for it.

OP is making 500k now, likely will make 700k+ soon. She is not behind financially. DMV has better resources for the kids for sure. DC is also more beautiful to the eye. But the financially behind argument is weird.