Coming to terms with having an average kid
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Anonymous
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This is just a vent. I know it’s normal, average is what most people are. I was a great student and got good grades but I am completely average if not below average as an adult. I keep telling myself that but it doesn’t help much. I just need to come to terms with the fact that my 6th grader is very average and let go of my fantasies for his futute.
He used to have very high scores for reading but he just casually told me his friend got a higher score. I said good for him and said if he also wanted higher scores he needed to expand beyond manga a bit, but that’s up to him. He basically stopped reading anything except manga like things (some of them are actual texts though) and comics. He just wants to play videogames. I have him do athletic activities to stay fit but he is neither a fan nor great at any of it. He is not into music and I have no desire to push him He likes art and he is always welcome to do stuff but he doesn’t want to take any classes as he thinks he is good enough as it is (not true) I just want to avoid taking out my disappointment on him. He got into the top track for math but I have a suspicion that he is one of the weakest students there. I do praise him a lot, and I try really hard not to show resentment of his tastes (YouTube, videogames, memes). I try to appreciate his more tasteful choices like manga and art. But it’s so so hard for me. Maybe there was something that worked for you? |
Anonymous
| I think that having obvious disappointment in your kid for being average is more damaging than actually being average. |
Anonymous
No doubt. Hence the topic of coming to terms with it. I try to not make it obvious but he isn’t stupid |
Anonymous
I would suggest therapy for yourself. There’s a lot to unpack in your post about your disappointment in your own life and that seems to be affecting your ability to love your kid. |
Anonymous
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First off, your post comes off like you are a Debbie Downer, not appreciating your son for who he is. But, I think, you are good intentioned. The post is just written like your kid can't stand up to your expectations for him. Millions of kids will end up being average. That's what a bell curve looks like. So, let's chill out on the word 'average' and focus on all the strengths that you have in your beautiful child. The activities that your DC is doing are completely age appropriate. I know you wish he were engaging in educational materials all the time, but video games and YouTube is what tons of kids get enjoyment from now and this will help him fit in at school. This will likely be the norm through high school. I think you should sit down with a fall catalog of activities in your area and tell him that he must pick one class to take ( this should be like an 8 to 10 week class). It could be art, swim, robots, coding, tennis, flag football, basketball, etc. If he refuses to pick, then you tell him that you will pick one. Probably you might pick art, since we know he's good at it, and will likely enjoy it. If you are still facing resistance, then tie his new class ( and his effort in going and doing a good job) to earning rewards for Robux or screentime ( something he deeply desires ). Good luck Op!!!
And Op, you need to focus more on all the good things: his achievements so far, his health, his good looks, etc. The goal is Happiness! And average fits just fine with that. |
Anonymous
| I’m a teacher and many years ago I taught a student who’s words resonated with me. He was really easy going, self confident and outgoing. He was very personable. His mother was always stressed about everything. Once he said, “I know I’m doing great because I’m average here but I’m way above if you compare me with lots of others in the country and the world.” Those weren’t his exact words but that was the idea. He was telling me how his mother was always stressed about the future and he wasn’t worried at all. He was a solidly average kid here in our high achieving bubble. And he was right. He will do well in life. |
Anonymous
| You never know what an average kid will do in life. They have plenty of time to become extraordinary. |
Anonymous
+1000000000 |
Anonymous
This is not evidence that your kid is average. This is evidence that your kid has a bright friend! |
Anonymous
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OP, DCUM will say you are “enabling,” “delusional,” “coming to terms,” and that your kid is a “bum.” Expect eye-roll emojis too.
Ignore all of that. |
Anonymous
True but even if OP’s kid never becomes extraordinary, he still needs a mom who accepts him just as is. |
Anonymous
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I have sibling who was extraordinary academically-99.9999th percentile in everything. My parents bragged endlessly about her and went to all the top schools. While she has status in her career, she cannot get along with people. She briefly married and had a child. Marriage went up in flames. Child hates her. She doesn't get along at work despite all her status. Along the way teachers kept telling my parents, yes, she is brilliant, but she needs to work on empathy and getting along with others. She needs to learn not to be condescending to peers and teachers. My parents scoffed at suck things because all that mattered was she was extraordinary in academic achievement.
Academics are not everything. I want my kids to be above average in kindness, empathy and caring about the greater good. A selfish and entitled kid is a failure in my mind. |
Anonymous
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Are you the OP of this identical thread? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/994778.page
Please seek therapy. There is nothing wrong with average. You are going to do harm to your child if you send the message that they are not good enough. |
Anonymous
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Your kid sounds like a typical kid for his age.
That said, I think many boys spend too much time playing video games. I think you should have a strict limit on the amount of hours per day he is allowed to do that. |
Anonymous
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OP there is something amazing in everybody. Just look for it in your kid. Is he kind? Is he good-intentioned? Is he funny? Is he thoughtful? Is he sweet?
Also you should play video games with your kid or at least show interest in them when he plays. I sit with DS while he plays Roblox because I let him use the chat feature and while Roblox is objectively stupid, I have actually really enjoyed getting to know this part of my child. I am really impressed that he usually takes on a leadership role, he is really clever and funny in the chats, he deals well with failure, he makes really creative things, and he is just really good at the games. We have a lot of fun with it. And he is great at typing! Also I used to think he just wasn't that bright because he never did great on tests during virtual school and he just shies away from anything academic (the opposite of his sister). But then when virtual learning was too much of a disaster to bear and I started homeschooling him, I realized that he is smart. He just doesn't know how to answer questions well, and he isn't inclined toward academic things (unless reading fiction counts). But he remembers everything I taught, he makes really interesting connections, he asks great questions, etc. So academics are not at all the most important thing, but it's very possible your son is less average academically than you think. The reading thing just shows that he has some perfectionism about it and he figures that if he can't be the best why try? |