Coming to terms with having an average kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

Yeah you’re right. Before YouTube almost everyone was above average!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

Why do people talk about it as though they have no control over how their kids consume this culture? My son is not allowed to play video games except during the weekends. His private school sets high expectations, so he has to read all the time. He’s surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids so that’s the norm. He plays multiple sports and that’s what his peer group does, so he has limited time for YouTube and video games. He loves graphic novels and manga, but they’d part of his reading, not all of it.

Blaming it on the culture sounds like a parental cop out.

[Anonymous]

OP, my first thought, when I saw the title of this thread, was "Shame on YOU."
You should be thankful to have your child, average or not.
My guess is that your kid is probably a hell of a lot smarter than you are.
This post... if you can't be ashamed of that, I am ashamed for you, and good luck to your kid.
Signed:
The Mother of Six Amazing Individuals

[Anonymous]

Your child is alive, healthy and learning and average. What a blessing that would be to many. But I do understand as many of us dream big at toddler stage etc but what a gift to have a happy healthy average child. I actually moved from an area that strives to have hothouse flower children to one that embraced all the flowers (bad metaphor I now) for my and my family’s mental health. Don’t get caught up in the competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just a vent. I know it’s normal, average is what most people are. I was a great student and got good grades but I am completely average if not below average as an adult. I keep telling myself that but it doesn’t help much. I just need to come to terms with the fact that my 6th grader is very average and let go of my fantasies for his futute.
He used to have very high scores for reading but he just casually told me his friend got a higher score. I said good for him and said if he also wanted higher scores he needed to expand beyond manga a bit, but that’s up to him. He basically stopped reading anything except manga like things (some of them are actual texts though) and comics.
He just wants to play videogames. I have him do athletic activities to stay fit but he is neither a fan nor great at any of it.
He is not into music and I have no desire to push him
He likes art and he is always welcome to do stuff but he doesn’t want to take any classes as he thinks he is good enough as it is (not true)
I just want to avoid taking out my disappointment on him. He got into the top track for math but I have a suspicion that he is one of the weakest students there.
I do praise him a lot, and I try really hard not to show resentment of his tastes (YouTube, videogames, memes). I try to appreciate his more tasteful choices like manga and art. But it’s so so hard for me.
Maybe there was something that worked for you?

My child has learning disabilities. I would kill for average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is there to come to terms with? I don’t get why anyone thinks their child will be extraordinary. They probably will be mucking their way through life in 20 years, getting on DCUM to complain about it just like you and everyone else here.

Bless your heart.

I'm not the PP but it's true. Most kids will be average, because mathematically, that's what average means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that having obvious disappointment in your kid for being average is more damaging than actually being average.

No doubt. Hence the topic of coming to terms with it. I try to not make it obvious but he isn’t stupid

I would suggest therapy for yourself. There’s a lot to unpack in your post about your disappointment in your own life and that seems to be affecting your ability to love your kid.

+1 OP, you sound very disappointed in yourself. Work on that first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

Why do people talk about it as though they have no control over how their kids consume this culture? My son is not allowed to play video games except during the weekends. His private school sets high expectations, so he has to read all the time. He’s surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids so that’s the norm. He plays multiple sports and that’s what his peer group does, so he has limited time for YouTube and video games. He loves graphic novels and manga, but they’d part of his reading, not all of it.

Blaming it on the culture sounds like a parental cop out.

What culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

Why do people talk about it as though they have no control over how their kids consume this culture? My son is not allowed to play video games except during the weekends. His private school sets high expectations, so he has to read all the time. He’s surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids so that’s the norm. He plays multiple sports and that’s what his peer group does, so he has limited time for YouTube and video games. He loves graphic novels and manga, but they’d part of his reading, not all of it.

Blaming it on the culture sounds like a parental cop out.

IQs have been increasing over the past 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

Why do people talk about it as though they have no control over how their kids consume this culture? My son is not allowed to play video games except during the weekends. His private school sets high expectations, so he has to read all the time. He’s surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids so that’s the norm. He plays multiple sports and that’s what his peer group does, so he has limited time for YouTube and video games. He loves graphic novels and manga, but they’d part of his reading, not all of it.

Blaming it on the culture sounds like a parental cop out.

IQs have been increasing over the past 20 years.

Ha, that's true.

Also PP, it's not a parental cop out to not send your kids to a private school where your child is surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

Why do people talk about it as though they have no control over how their kids consume this culture? My son is not allowed to play video games except during the weekends. His private school sets high expectations, so he has to read all the time. He’s surrounded by smart, high-achieving kids so that’s the norm. He plays multiple sports and that’s what his peer group does, so he has limited time for YouTube and video games. He loves graphic novels and manga, but they’d part of his reading, not all of it.

Blaming it on the culture sounds like a parental cop out.

This isn't totally on the subject, but I want to defend YouTube here.

My daughter watched hours and hours and hours of YouTube when she was younger and she is better off for it. She didn't do homework in elementary school but she knew all about the Cold War, art theory, linguistics, the United Nations, and a million other things. I am pretty sure background knowledge gives her more of a leg up than lots of homework would have.

I know that watching Vox and Crash Course regularly isn't the norm with kids (she also watched a lot of craft, unboxing school supplies, and gaming videos, so she wasn't doing exclusively intellectual videos), but YouTube isn't the terrible thing people make it out to be. If you just watch with your kid (or at least look at the history like a hawk before they know how to delete it) and click "not interested" on things you don't want your kids to see, it can be amazing.

Oh and my other kid taught himself how to code using YouTube.

If a parent complains that their child is watching too much YouTube, I suggest that instead of totally cutting the cord, just cut back on time, limit the junk, and steer their kids toward something that is still within the child's interests but not total brain candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your son, it’s the culture they are growing up in- video games, graphic novels, YouTube, low quality school curriculums, low expectations. You’re not alone in feeling this way, promise.

You know there’s something to it. But if he at least excelled in the low quality curriculum...

It is extremely difficult for a lot (if not most) kids who are above average intellectually to excel in a low-quality curriculum. This might be even more common for boys.

[Anonymous]

You are working a normal job leading a perfectly lovely but normal lifestyle and and raising your kids in the Maryland or Virginia suburbs of DC and have the nerve to be upset they’re average? Ma’am YOU are average!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that having obvious disappointment in your kid for being average is more damaging than actually being average.

100% OP has the problem--not their kid.

OP, get yourself into therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just a vent. I know it’s normal, average is what most people are. I was a great student and got good grades but I am completely average if not below average as an adult. I keep telling myself that but it doesn’t help much. I just need to come to terms with the fact that my 6th grader is very average and let go of my fantasies for his futute.
He used to have very high scores for reading but he just casually told me his friend got a higher score. I said good for him and said if he also wanted higher scores he needed to expand beyond manga a bit, but that’s up to him. He basically stopped reading anything except manga like things (some of them are actual texts though) and comics.
He just wants to play videogames. I have him do athletic activities to stay fit but he is neither a fan nor great at any of it.
He is not into music and I have no desire to push him
He likes art and he is always welcome to do stuff but he doesn’t want to take any classes as he thinks he is good enough as it is (not true)
I just want to avoid taking out my disappointment on him. He got into the top track for math but I have a suspicion that he is one of the weakest students there.
I do praise him a lot, and I try really hard not to show resentment of his tastes (YouTube, videogames, memes). I try to appreciate his more tasteful choices like manga and art. But it’s so so hard for me.
Maybe there was something that worked for you?

I think these two statements are very telling, OP. Perhaps you wouldn't feel disappointed if you didn't compare your son to others? Why does it sting that his friend got higher scores, or that he is one of the weak students in the top track for math? There will always be someone smarter, with better scores, more talent, more drive etc. If your son is doing well enough to be happy in life, this is great. If not, help him. On the other hand, if you want him to constantly compete with others, he will be unhappy.