How to deal with braggy/materialistic moms?

[Anonymous]

"Conspicuous consumption" is such a loaded term. Sometimes I think it's just an insult that people like to throw at others whose possessions are more expensive than theirs. For one person, a Coach bag may be conspicuous consumption. For the person who carries a Coach, conspicuous consumption may mean having a Tod's bag. For the Tod's carrier, it may mean toting around a Birkin.

Personally, I would not refer to any of these choices as conspicuous consumption, and I think it's obnoxious to assume that having expensive possessions is a sign of insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get used to it -

Nice kids don't always have nice parents. We don't have to like the families our children choose. We should only get involved when the friend's household is dangerous.

Braggy, obnoxious, rude, materialistic, stuck up, full of themselves, condescending..... sucks, but you just have to put up with it.

or MAYBE they are nice parents, whi just happen to have some money. the mom doesn't seem to be shutting you out, but rather trying to draw you in. maybe there's a tone thing that we are missing because we weren't there, but if the kid is nice and friendly as you say she is, maybe the parents really are decent people who are instilling good values -- like sharing -- in their child.

as an aside, i'm astounded by the number of people here who think that wealth is a sign of evil. who do you think is going to be paying the taxes your dear senator obama wants to impose (and yes, i'm voting for him and will pay higher taxes if he's elected. but i don't have any horses).

I don't think people equate wealth with evil. But I think the sentiment is that conspicuous displays of wealth are obnoxious and a sign of insecurity.

What is conspicuous to you may not be to them. Likewise there may be people that view your lifestyle as somewhat conspicuous without you realising becaue it is normal for you. Stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

You sound like a lovely and thoughtful person. That was a nice post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

You sound like a lovely and thoughtful person. That was a nice post.

unfortunately, though, not everyone who is wealthy or rich is like that. she seems to have a very real sense that she is "lucky"... sometimes others tend to have a sense that they "deserve" their wealth more than others.

[Anonymous]

So living in a nice house is conspicuous consumption? Having horses is conspicuous consumption? I disagree. Go ahead and use your money to have the lifestyle you want. To me, conspicuous consumption is buying the stuff with HUGE logos or brand names all over it - Louis Vuitton, etc . . .

[Anonymous]

But not Bottega Veneta, which is logoless but extremely expensive and immediately recognizable to those in the know? I just don't think it makes sense to try to define conspicuous consumption this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

You sound like a lovely and thoughtful person. That was a nice post.

unfortunately, though, not everyone who is wealthy or rich is like that. she seems to have a very real sense that she is "lucky"... sometimes others tend to have a sense that they "deserve" their wealth more than others.

know I am lucky, you can see by my spelling and grammar that if I had not gotten on the dot com gravy train, I most certainly would not have these things There are plenty of people out there more deserving of financial freedom than myself.

I just think many people don't take the time to look outside themselves, this goes for all economic brackets. Its unfortunate, as I think this world would be a much more pleasant place if people wondered who the waiter is filling my ice-tea, or the garbage man taking out my trash (invariably filled with all of the unnecessary crap we tend to purchase). Those of us with people who watch our children or clean our house, have you ever sat down with them and asked them to tell you their story? If the answer is no, you should start there. You might be surprised and heartened by what you learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

You sound like a lovely and thoughtful person. That was a nice post.

unfortunately, though, not everyone who is wealthy or rich is like that. she seems to have a very real sense that she is "lucky"... sometimes others tend to have a sense that they "deserve" their wealth more than others.

I am the PP that said deal with it. The thing is, it would be wonderful if all wealthy people behaved like you but they don't. It does not mean they are bad people. We simply have to accept that there are very rich people who do not have to rely on debt who will spend their money on what seem to others like extravagant items and they are within their rights to do so. Some will be thoughtful like your good self but others less so. What can we do ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the person is up to debt in her ears, but is in denial or hides it very well.

Why can't you just accept that some people are exceedingly rich and can buy anything they desire without going into debt. Their limits on what is extravagant will differ from yours because they have so much more disposable income than you. Simple. Deal with it.

I have to comment here. We are wealthy. We have more disposable income each month than we could possibly spend. We have lots of "things". I can't even BELIEVE that this is my life. We have a beautiful home, nice cars, expensive private schools, and a summer home at the beach. Both my DH & I worked together in the 90s and were original employees at dot com that exploded. We are simply lucky.

HOWEVER, many of my friends (I grew up in this area) do not have the kind of wealth we have been so fortunate to have. I do not talk about shopping with them, I do not discuss our everyday luxuries. I am AWARE that many of my friends struggle just to make their mortgage. I think it is completely CLASSLESS and in very very poor taste to brag either unintentionally or intentionally. There are many other topics that interest me other that all of the things I can buy and the easy financial life I live. I can find much more to talk about. One of my good friends is a single mom of 2 children with a deadbeat dad. She works so hard and is so stressed out just trying to live her daily life. She cannot even afford to eat meat on a daily basis. Frankly I am embarrassed at times for her to come into our home. I am very careful not to sound ungrateful or flip about the things we have. I actually avoid any sort of money topic with her, unless she initiates a rant about how difficult times are right now. In that case I lend my ear, friendship, and support. We even paid her mortgage for a couple of months when some unexpected medical bills came up for her daughter. She had to chose between the mortgage or her daughters medical care. To me, that is simply not fair. Life is not balanced nor is it FAIR. I do not feel any desire to rub that fact in. I feel sorry for those people who are lucky who are walking around completely unaware of their brothers and sisters.

You are a shining example of how someone can do good things with 'disposable income' besides buying and buying and buying. The criticism here hasn't been of people being rich but of people who are so shallow that all they can think to do with their money is buy huge things for themselves with it --huge houses, huge cars, etc., when they could be using it to affect the lives of people in need. That must feel so good!! As you said, it's too bad that some people who spend so much money on themselves don't know what they're missing.

[Anonymous]

These "people who are so shallow that all they can think to do with their money is buy huge things for themselves with it" are straw men (or women). I don't see them here. What I do see is people assuming that people are shallow just because they have nice homes and cars. Why not assume that such people are more like 11:18 (who also has nice homes and cars)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These "people who are so shallow that all they can think to do with their money is buy huge things for themselves with it" are straw men (or women). I don't see them here. What I do see is people assuming that people are shallow just because they have nice homes and cars. Why not assume that such people are more like 11:18 (who also has nice homes and cars)?

Because we know some of them. Some people with money are shockingly shallow. Others with money are very nice and who knows what they do with the extra. You have to admit that there are a lot of shockingly shallow people with money in our area.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I don't. Maybe there are--maybe you know such people well enough to judge their character, but I don't.

Look, I don't know that we fundamentally disagree that much. I'm sure that there are shockingly shallow rich people just as there are shockingly shallow poor people. What bothers me is seeing so many people jump automatically from "rich" to "shallow." We don't, after all, jump automatically from "poor" to "lazy." (Or at least we shouldn't.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I don't. Maybe there are--maybe you know such people well enough to judge their character, but I don't.

Look, I don't know that we fundamentally disagree that much. I'm sure that there are shockingly shallow rich people just as there are shockingly shallow poor people. What bothers me is seeing so many people jump automatically from "rich" to "shallow." We don't, after all, jump automatically from "poor" to "lazy." (Or at least we shouldn't.)

I don't see that at all in this thread. No one is criticizing money, just the use of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I don't. Maybe there are--maybe you know such people well enough to judge their character, but I don't.

Look, I don't know that we fundamentally disagree that much. I'm sure that there are shockingly shallow rich people just as there are shockingly shallow poor people. What bothers me is seeing so many people jump automatically from "rich" to "shallow." We don't, after all, jump automatically from "poor" to "lazy." (Or at least we shouldn't.)

I don't see that at all in this thread. No one is criticizing money, just the use of it.

Who are we to criticize what rich people do with their money? I'm glad they spend their money, it helps keep the economy afloat. 11:18 admittedly spends her money on things that most of us can only dream of having. I don't have a problem with this. I like her attitude and if I ever become rich like her I hope I can stay grounded take that attitude as well. But as far as being critical of what rich people spend on, I really don't care. I just chose to stay away from shallow people in general, regardless of socioeconomic status. I have friends with money and I'm glad for them. I'm also glad for myself. I have wonderful children, a wonderful husband, and life a comfortable life, I feel rich too. Everyday is a good day.