Tired of “sophisticated” friends of my 4th grade DD
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Anonymous
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I’m just venting - I’m a nerd, and my DD isn’t but I don’t let her wear makeup to school or have unlimited iPad time. I don’t let her do a group chat with other kids yet online (this group chat led to 2 participants each 9year old girls writing death threats ot each other), or wear belly shirts to school, or watch tik tok. Two of my mom “friends” are always riding me for “protecting” DD; DH is adamant that we are right staying in our comfort zone. The kids who are “advanced” are also IMO meaner - the sophistication leads to relations aggression and tears (but DD has not really been targeted or a participant at all). She’s an only and this is my only real social media — am I too uptight? Part of me fears I am. But DD is content, does well in school, and has some friends who don’t even have iPads or any screen time really in 4th.
Again, just getting out some feelings. But I know there are plenty of people here who can put things in context. |
Anonymous
| Op, your dd would be right on track with my dd and her friends. I can’t even imagine letting a fourth grader wear makeup or a crop top. And the less interaction online the better. My ds got his first phone in 8th grade and it will be the same for dd. |
Anonymous
| Are there really 4th graders wearing makeup? No, you are not crazy for not wanting your kid to wear makeup or expose her midriff at school. We don't even own an iPad in my house and life is all the better for it. |
Anonymous
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4th grade is too young for all that, OP, you are right to take a stand.
I allowed my 5th grade DD to use Discord during the pandemic lockdown and right away, she learned valuable lessons about cyber bullying, talking to strangers, etc. I was right there monitoring, since we were all in the house all the time. She's in 8th grade now and by choice is not on social media, except that she continues to use Discord with kids she knows in real life. Safety online is critically important and YOU should be teaching her safe practices in the next couple of years. At some point, you might also want to pick your battles when adolescence rears its feisty head. Not now, when she's still in elementary, but in middle school, you'll realize that maybe clothes aren't the hill to die on. Clothes and make-up aren't going to get her killed. Sneaking into parties, alcohol, pills laced with fentanyl, cyber bullying, etc, will put her in real danger. You can buy yourself leverage when you appear to relent on certain things, just so you can push more on others. You can control a child, but you need to outwit an adolescent 
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Anonymous
| Cool parents restrict kid's screen time as well. It's called being a good parent, it has nothing to do with you being a nerd. You're not in 4th grade, stop drinking their kool aid |
Anonymous
| You're NOT uptight at all. You're being safe. |
Anonymous
| I don’t have girls, but I’m always mildly shocked when elementary school lets out and I see the 3rd-5th graders come out with their crop tops, short shorts, cell phones, and giant Stanley cups. I know mom is choosing and buying a lot of this stuff and I don’t get it at all. |
Anonymous
| I have a 5th grader and there's been lots of negative drama with kids in group chats recently. My kid hasn't been involved because she doesn't have a way to access group chats. I intend to keep in that way as long as possible. I'm actually really surprised that parents are letting it continue and aren't taking away the screens. Its not all the kids (less than half, I'd guess), but enough to cause drama. |
Anonymous
And on the other end of the spectrum, I find it intensely gross that grown women are judging kids on the lengths of their shirts and shorts. Better get the misogyny started early! Never too soon to start oversexualizing kids! |
Anonymous
I didn’t say my objection was sexual. I don’t think girls should be able to wear swim bikini bottoms to school either. |
Anonymous
You’re nuts. And naive!!! Trust me, they aren’t wearing cropped tops because they’re comfy, cozy or appropriately cool. No they are wearing them to look older, to look sexy - whatever that means to a 4th grader. 4th graders should be dressing like children, not teens. |
Anonymous
Dp. Children should dress like children. Nine and ten year olds have no business wearing makeup and crop tops. |
Anonymous
This is why schools with uniforms are so great. No need to worry about this. No crop tops or short shorts allowed. No makeup either. I don't let my 4th grader use text so it is disabled on her iPad. There are a lot of parental controls limiting what she has on her iPad. Parenting a 4th grade girl isn't easy but I'm glad some of the potential disagreements don't happen because of school rules. The girls still have plenty of relational problems to deal with, and that's enough. |
Anonymous
| Does your daughter go to public school, OP? |
Anonymous
How is it oversexualizing. Crop tops are a sexy clothing item. The point is wearing them is to look sexy. Many men will look at females who wear crop tops in a sexual way. It is not “oversexualizing” to not want your child in sexy clothes … I would argue that putting kids in sexy clothes is actually sexualizing them. |