Newish friend didn't remember my birthday

[Anonymous]

This year, I became close to a woman in a divorce support group I'm in. She lives near me and we just clicked and connected. We'd text and swap memes all the time, grab a drink on the weekend, and even went to a concert together. I'm pretty introverted and it's hard for me to open up beyond my longtime circle, and I felt, awesome, I made a friend.

It was a milestone birthday for me this week (40), and one I'd mentioned in passing to her a few times - she'd asked me what I was doing for it etc (and it was going to be a tough one for me because my kids were with their dad). Anyhow, I was really grateful to hear from lots of friends but she didn't acknowledge it on text, social media, anywhere (and she can see my "stories" so I knew she saw it). I know this sounds petty and I'm waiting for the "grow up, you're needy" people to descend, but it does hurt and I did think we were close and now I'm wondering if we are and if the birthday thing is overblown or if I should be sad or not expect we'll be friends or what. So here's my vulnerable post; tldr, a woman I thought was my friend forgot my bday.

[Anonymous]

She is your friend. You're blowing this so far out of proportion I'm having a hard time believing its real.

[Anonymous]

I get being hurt but come on. You're ready to end a friendship because she didn't text you happy birthday?!

[Anonymous]

I think you're being dramatic and reading too much into this.

"a woman I thought was my friend forgot my bday."

Maybe she didn't forget - maybe she just didn't want to bother you and doesn't consider you to be a close friend. That's not insulting or bad.

Maybe she was busy - you never know what other people's lives are really like.

Either way, to position as "woman I thought was my friend" is really reductive and juvenile. If she's your friend she's your friend. Don't be petty. You seem to have other friends, so stop keeping score and taking notes and enjoy your friends without strings attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is your friend. You're blowing this so far out of proportion I'm having a hard time believing its real.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am a 41 year old woman and I have zero expectations that my friends will reach out and remember and celebrate my birthday. I am not a birthday part type of person, but also, we are all adults. This isn't an expectation that is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being dramatic and reading too much into this.

"a woman I thought was my friend forgot my bday."

Maybe she didn't forget - maybe she just didn't want to bother you and doesn't consider you to be a close friend. That's not insulting or bad.

Maybe she was busy - you never know what other people's lives are really like.

Either way, to position as "woman I thought was my friend" is really reductive and juvenile. If she's your friend she's your friend. Don't be petty. You seem to have other friends, so stop keeping score and taking notes and enjoy your friends without strings attached.

I think you're missing the point since the presumption this was someone who was becoming a close friend. And not remembering someone's birthday due to being "busy" is just sad. Busy isn't a shield.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do her the favor and give her the gift of not pretending to be her friend anymore. Because you’re not a friend, you are an immature, selfish brat who only seeks attention, not connection.

You...seem to be overreacting.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to send my friend my friend bday wishes this year. I remembered day of and thought to myself "make sure you call later!". Then my day went to hell. I laid in bed that night scrolling through SM and didn't even register thr bday cake pic she posted on her stories. A few days later we were talking and all of a sudden I realized I'd never reached out on her bday. She laughed it off when I apologized. We are still very very close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 41 year old woman and I have zero expectations that my friends will reach out and remember and celebrate my birthday. I am not a birthday part type of person, but also, we are all adults. This isn't an expectation that is reasonable.

Same. After about 25, who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being dramatic and reading too much into this.

"a woman I thought was my friend forgot my bday."

Maybe she didn't forget - maybe she just didn't want to bother you and doesn't consider you to be a close friend. That's not insulting or bad.

Maybe she was busy - you never know what other people's lives are really like.

Either way, to position as "woman I thought was my friend" is really reductive and juvenile. If she's your friend she's your friend. Don't be petty. You seem to have other friends, so stop keeping score and taking notes and enjoy your friends without strings attached.

I think you're missing the point since the presumption this was someone who was becoming a close friend. And not remembering someone's birthday due to being "busy" is just sad. Busy isn't a shield.

But birthdays aren’t everything to everyone. OP heard from lots of friends on her birthday and instead of being happy about that, she’s focusing on the one person who didn’t say anything? That’s silly and, yes, overblown.

[Anonymous]

I am firmly in the "grow up" camp but since you've ruled that out as a response, I will say not all people see adult birthdays as being important. She's a new friend, do you know how she celebrates her birthday or the birthdays of those around her? In addition, you met her in a divorce support group, might it be possible that she had a bad weekend? Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd be more offended if it was an old friend who forgot.

[Anonymous]

This is why DCUM is not a representative sample of humanity. People aren't allowed to have normal/disappointed responses. Everyone is so "above it all." Even birthdays. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Birthdays are a big deal in my family and were growing up, so I understand where OP is coming from. I have learned not everybody cares as much, so I try to keep it in perspective. I let myself be hurt but u don’t act in that hurt or take it personally. Just let it go.