Family Dinner together EVERY Night? Really?

Anonymous
We have three kids -- a 6 year old, a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. Dad works long hours but tries to be home by 6:30 every night. I get the kids home and have dinner with them at 5:30.

Tonight my husband came home around 6:30 and I guess that I must have served dinner to the kids closer to 6, so they were still eating dinner when DH came home. DH decided to make himself some stirfry (his favorite). My mother (visiting this week) observes that we are not eating as an entire unit and asks my husband why we don't eat dinner together.

I can tell that he's taking the "question" as a criticism and he grunts some kind of response to her that he likes food that the kids don't eat, yadda yadda. My mom then says to me that as a kid that my family used to eat dinner together every night. I told her that she was having selective memory because my dad was rarely home before 10 pm every night, although if he made it home before then (rarely) we did eat together. She said that was true, but that it is still so important for a family to have dinner together.

My long winded question is, "Is it really that important that we eat as a unit, even when we eat meals together on the weekend, and hubby is at least home after dinner and sees the kids before they go to bed? I have to tell you, that I have few memories of it as a kid and I still love my family and feel close to them.

Is the family meal overrated? I think I'm inclined to say, "yes".
Anonymous
Do it once they are older. For now, don't let it stress you out.
Anonymous
We have 2 kids (5 and 20 months). I'm a SAHM and my husband gets home around 6:15. We all have dinner together every night unless one of us has something going on (which is rare).

I grew up in a family like yours. My mother, sister and I often had dinner without my father because he got home late. My husband grew up in a family where they had dinner together every night and he really wanted the same for us. I enjoy the meals most nights, but our toddler isn't one for sitting at the table for long periods.

I say to do it if you can swing it. You can't delay dinner until 6:30 when your husband gets home? 6:30 isn't really that late for dinner.
Anonymous
PP here - Just to be clear, my kids are 5 years old and 20 months old.
Anonymous
I don't know - I know I've seen studies that suggest it's important, but I don't know HOW important, or at what ages (a quick google study seems to suggest adolescence as an age when this is truly important.)

But I have to say I'm curious that you all DON'T eat together as a family when your DH is home by 6:30? 6:30 really doesn't seem particularly late for a meal time, so it does seem like you are needlessly missing out on some quality family time.
Anonymous
There are studies that show the nutritional and behavioral benefits of eating together. But is it critical that both parents are there? I would not guess so.

However, what does your meal with the kids look like? Is it a proper dinner, or are you heating up convenience items and serving it to them? If it's the former, I'd say you are getting the benefit. If it is the latter, you may want to at least put a real meal together for your kids and have everyone sit down together.

Also, as your six year old grows, the dinner time conversation is of real worth.
Anonymous
We have family dinner every night (the au pair, too) unless DH is working late, in which case he eats when he gets home. I'm home by 6:00, so I make dinner then we eat. Homework is generally done by the time I get home and I check it after dinner and we help DD with anything she didn't understand. The kids go to bed not long after dinner.

It's a little bit of a scramble, but I think it's worth it. I enjoy hearing about my kids' days.
Anonymous
Yes, it is important to have a family dinner together every night. And no, it is not overrated.

Put yourself in your DH's shoes. Can you imagine only seeing your kids most every night only when you're putting them to bed? Your DH and kids are missing out on an important bond as a whole family all together.

I also think it's good for the kids at dinner to see mom and dad together, hanging out.

My dad would get home at 7, and we had dinner together every night.
Anonymous
Our kids are 9, 8, and 5 and we have dinner together just about every night. We have been doing it since right around the time the youngest was born, older ones were 4 and 3 at the time. My DH changed jobs at that time because he was working & travelling so much that he wasn't seeing the kids enough and we wanted him to be home in time for us to have dinner together as a family. We also moved closer to his job for that reason. (And now my commute sucks, but I only work part-time and am always home by 5pm so it works out ok.)

So, to answer your questions, yes, I think it's something that can be done if it's important to you, and yes, I think lots of families do it. I definitely don't think having dinner together is "overrated." There is something about sitting down at the table together every night that's different from spending time together in other ways. In fact, there are studies that show that a significant correlation between having family dinners and a reduced incidence of teens getting involved in drug use, getting poor grades in school, and engaging in other problem behaviors.

So is your child doomed to become a delinquent if you don't have dinner together? Of course I'm not saying that. But it has a lot of value for kids and families, and it was very important to our family so we have chosen to make it a priority. Dh often comes home for dinner and then works from home afterwards. Family dinner time may not be as important to you, or it really may not be possible for any number of reasons, so choose whatever works for your family. And a few times a week is better than not at all.
Anonymous
I don't know - I know I've seen studies that suggest it's important, but I don't know HOW important, or at what ages (a quick google study seems to suggest adolescence as an age when this is truly important.)


Right, but waiting until adolescence to start doing it is probably not the best plan. I'd make it a habit before that if you want it to influence your teen's behavior.
Anonymous
OP here. I feed the kids as soon as I can when I get home because our 6 year old and 2.5 yea old are ready to eat. They tend to behave much better the earlier they are fed, bathed and put to bed. Creatures of habit.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I don't know - I know I've seen studies that suggest it's important, but I don't know HOW important, or at what ages (a quick google study seems to suggest adolescence as an age when this is truly important.)


Right, but waiting until adolescence to start doing it is probably not the best plan. I'd make it a habit before that if you want it to influence your teen's behavior.


OP here again-what bothers me is the assumption that dinner time is the only time things should be or can be discussed. We talk about things at all times of the day. I find the drive to school and after school very productive. We also talk at dinner, but I have to tell you the drive time is much better in quality.
Anonymous
Can you give them a snack and then have a real dinner when your husband gets home? I don't even get home until 6ish so dinner is ready around 6:30 or 6:45, bath at 7:15 or 7:30 and then bed at 8:00.
Anonymous
EVERY night seems next to impossible in this area with busy schedules and longer hours, but I applaud the PPs that make it work. OP -- your kids are young and you have a wide variety of age ranges, so don't sweat it. I do think family dinner is important and we try to do it as often as possible, but not even close to every night. Maybe 2-4x per week.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know - I know I've seen studies that suggest it's important, but I don't know HOW important, or at what ages (a quick google study seems to suggest adolescence as an age when this is truly important.)

But I have to say I'm curious that you all DON'T eat together as a family when your DH is home by 6:30? 6:30 really doesn't seem particularly late for a meal time, so it does seem like you are needlessly missing out on some quality family time.


I agree. My DH is home about 7-7:30pm and that is too late; we'd be thrilled for 6:30 and I would try to swing it if the kids can tolerate it.
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