Family Dinner together EVERY Night? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dying to know the addresses of these various posters who are home in their kitchens, cooking dinner by 5:30 or 6. Where do you live?! that you can have such short hours and such a quick commute?

OP here. For those dying to know, we live in close-in in N. Arlington. We used to live in DC and there was no way that we were going to trade a short commute for a bigger house. We have about the same size house that we had in DC but with a lovely garage and the commute is the same for my husband. I used to work downtown but now I have my own practice with a home office. Also, our work does not end at 5:30 or 6:30, we both have jobs that seem more 24/7 than 9 to 5.

If your jobs are really more 24/7 that cuts both ways. If the expectation is that you are always working, even after dinner or when the kids are asleep, then you should be able to have the flexibility to arrange a regular dinner time and no one at work should hold it against you. Also it sounds like you have one parent making a short commute, which is a plus.

I would move the kids' dinner up a bit and go for the family dinner. 6:30 is not very late for them to eat. It will take some time to move but it's mostly habit, not necessity.

[Anonymous]

Dinner together sounds lovely, but of course you don't have to do it every night!! If your kids are consistently sitting down for dinner together at a nutritious meal with ONE parent, you are doing a great job and much more than most Americans. I was in a situation very similar to yours and tried moving back dinner an hour (partly so I that could get a little help and also because I grew up with the "family dinner" and loved the idea) and it was a nightmare: kids much hungrier, snacks took away appetite and made them restless at dinner, no time for bath, bedtime pushed back... basically it all worked out worse. Now we do dinner with mom at 5:30 and, as a result, post-dinner time is the most relaxed and happy time of the day--how much better quality time with dad can you get???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dying to know the addresses of these various posters who are home in their kitchens, cooking dinner by 5:30 or 6. Where do you live?! that you can have such short hours and such a quick commute?

We live in Silver Spring. DH is a teacher and is home by 4PM every day. I work part-time, and frequently from home. So, we do eat dinner together, at ~6PM, every night.

I recognize that we are very fortunate and that our situation is not typical. On the other hand, we worked for years to get to this point (when the kids were very small I worked fulltime and never telecommuted), and are now reaping the benefits of that work.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it really comes down to the age of your children, your DH's commute, etc. Dinner isn't going to make or break your family. What matters is that your kids have a chance to interact with you and your DH at some point -- whether it's the family dinner table or the family play room, it doesn't really matter. When you have younger kids, the family dinner table is more focused on keeping kids in their seats and actually eating, so things like the drive to school is more effective for talking, etc.

[Anonymous]

Honestly have been wondering the same thing. Mine are 2 and 4, I get home by 5pm and DH gets home about 6:30pm. At 5pm, they will eat with me. At 6:30pm it is a complete flipping nightmare. If I give them a snack, even a few carrots, etc. they will not eat later. And so what was supposed to be quality family time is now a battle of the wills and threats of time out's and indigestion. So that's it, I'm going off my current data and during the week the kids and I have dinner at 5pm, we all eat as a family on the weeknd at 5pm. THen in a few months, I'll revisit this issue, as we all know everything changes with these little ones. Good luck, and just look at the cards you are holding now....

[Anonymous]

6:30 is hardly a long day or late to eat. I would definitely try to eat together if we were all home by 6:30. I do think it's important. Regardless of what quality time you may have during the day, you don't want your husband to be that guy who eats separately from the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I didn't mean to imply that 6:30 wasn't late for your kids. I can understand particularly with the younger ones how it may be too late if its torture at the table ifyou wait that long. I didn't read all the intervening posts to see if thatis the case. But given you are eating with them 5:30 or 6:00 it hardly seems that bad to wait till 6:30.

[Anonymous]

I am dying to know the addresses of these various posters who are home in their kitchens, cooking dinner by 5:30 or 6. Where do you live?! that you can have such short hours and such a quick commute?

I guess I'm lucky. Work in Reston. Live in Fairfax (close to Beltway). Husband is at Tyson's. I work 8-4:30. He works 7:45-4:15. We are both fortunate to have jobs that don't require a lot of OT or travel. I work for a non-profit that prides it self on being family-friendly (and has won awards for its policies). Husband is at a bank. So, you know, banker hours and all. Of course the trade-off for us is probably what we earn versus having the balance that is important to both of us.

I used to have awful commutes. Silver Spring, DC, etc. Just decided not to cross bridges anymore and kept my focus on VA. Again, this works for me b/c so many non-profits are in VA. Other careers have other requirements.

[Anonymous]

When family dinners were the norm it was also the norm to work 9 - 5, and not have insane commutes. People didn't live an hour from where they work. There weren't however many different activities going on, either.

It's a matter of priorities. I like the idea of a family dinner, but conversation can happen at other times. But with everyone home by 6:30 I would think dinner as a family could happen. And that's dinner as a family.. everyone eating the same thing. I make one dinner here.. you either eat it or go hungry. The only exceptions I have ever made was of course when the kids couldn't eat what we did. Even then I tried to put something on the table everyone could eat. Potatoes, pasta, whatever.

But it's your life.. do what works for you. Your mother will have to understand that this isn't the 50's and we're not all the Cunninghams.

[Anonymous]

I've seen it myself.. having one parent eating away from the family can create division. IF you can eat together, do so. If not, then maybe everyone should still be at the table together when one is eating. Give them a small desert or a bed time snack while Dad has his supper.

[Anonymous]

We try very hard to have a family dinner most nights. I think we succeed on 3/5 weeknights on average -- although DH's work is seasonal and there is a month or two a year where he is almost never home for dinner.

I leave my downtown office at 5 and dinner is usually between 6 and 6:30. The 6 year old is picked up from after-school care and home by 6, the 14 month old has a 3 pm hearty snack and so can wait until 6 or 6:30 to eat. We have very easy to make dinners during the week so that they don't require more than 10 minutes of mom-busy-in-the-kitchen time and no more than 25 minutes in the oven.

[Anonymous]

We made it a point to start eating toether when our son turned 2. They key to being able to do this is to make a batch of dinners on Sat. or Sunday for the entire work week. For example, a tray of lasagne that will make two dinners and a quiche or batch of curried chicken that can be served with quick cooking couscous or quinoia. That takes care of 4 nights. ON the 5th weeknight we have something easy to whip up such as an omlette or grilled cheese served with a salad or side of veggies. On weekends we don't need to plan as much because there is time to cook.

[Anonymous]

we only have one kid, who is 3, and we do have dinner together every night recognizing it is easier with one (and one of the reasons we will likely only have one). we do quick to prepare stuff, like pasta, sometimes make him something different (like it we are just having salads), but it is a time for us all to be togther and for both parents to enforce rules. the problem i wuld have with not having both parents there is that parent who comes in for play time gets off easy and is "fun daddy" while mommy spends 30 minutes every night forcing broccoli and peas down everyone's throat. i also think it has made my previously picky eater a lot more open to trying food, though that certainly could be his age. the kids i know who don't have family dinners are very pick eaters and don't understand the concept of a meal -- they just graze or snack, really, which i think can lead to poor eating habits.

in other words, it is a priority in our house and would factor into decisions about jobs, where to live, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am dying to know the addresses of these various posters who are home in their kitchens, cooking dinner by 5:30 or 6. Where do you live?! that you can have such short hours and such a quick commute?

Another response for those "dying to know" how someone could possibly be home making dinner every night by 5:30 or 6:00.

I live in Vienna and work in DC (lawyer at a federal agency). My "quick" commute takes me at least an hour, maybe an hour and 10 min, depending on Metro. My "such short hours" at work are 8:30am-4:30pm. This is a 7.5 hour day; I'm on a reduced schedule and my salary is prorated accordingly.

My husband is a partner in a law firm and works much longer hours. However, knowing that I have a very regular schedule and the ability to reduce my hours below full-time (with a pay reduction, of course) and that his hours are much longer & more erratic, we chose to move our family out of DC and very close to his office. His commute is 10 minutes. He's a morning person and is usually out of the house and at his desk by 6:30am. He comes home most nights (barring a dinner meeting, work event, travel, etc.) by 6:30pm for dinner. If he has more work to do, he does it from home after the kids are in bed.

[Anonymous]

OP, if there is one thing that I have noticed since becoming a mom, it's that most other moms ... including our OWN moms ... secretly (or openly in some cases) think that their way of mothering is the BEST and ONLY way to parent. never mind that their way doesn't jibe with current realities of having to work, living in an urban area, etc.

Let the criticism roll off and do what you think is best for your family.