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Family Dinner together EVERY Night? Really?
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Anonymous
RIGHT. Because we all know what happens in each other's lives.  Perhaps this poster and her friends DO the mad dash home for a family dinner.. how do you know they don't?
The thread has gotten very off topic, but nobody's kid is going to drop out of pre-school etc. just because they don't have dinner as a family 7 nights/week. Awards given for dragging the topic way OFF... and over the top drama. |
about the dinner madness, the rush to get home, the rush to get out of daycare before the 30 minute "parking pass" was up (I rarely managed that and had to get a special parking sticker from the daycare staff ~blush~). The achievable goal of working parents to have "family dinner" together is much more prevalent than just the posts here. (And my sister working moms are probably not off work today and posting here like I am, thanks to a teacher workday.)
Anonymous
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OP, I couldn't get through all of the responses. I can't say whether family dinner is overrated. We try to do it and it works out a few times per week. Family breakfast is easier to make happen.
What I do know for sure is that parental approval is highly, wildly, astronomically, googol-plexically (word?) overrated. We don't live the lives they did. And neither to they, because that life is so far in the rear view mirror. Repeat after me: "It would be nice if she did not criticize the way we do things." And it would be necessary, it would be nice if I drank a glass of wine. Oh look-- there's a bottle right there. |
Anonymous
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I am the GS-15 who works for DOJ, 50% at home and the rest of the time from 8:45-5:15pm, no weekends, no over-time, but I do work hard and the work is challenging. I turned down a litigation job with DOJ b/c I did not want crazy hours. I work for DOJ, Executive Office for Immigration Review, Board of Immigration Appeals. First year you have to work in the office full-time, after that you can request teleworking (generally permitted). Attorneys in my agency are unionized and have negotiated for these types of family-friendly policies.
Yes, these are CHOICES you have made in the past and every day. I agree with others that you must own your choices. We have many many attorneys who have come here from other parts of DOJ, lots of ex-litigators. Your husband could apply here and so could you. It's an awesome place to work. Keep your eyes open for vacancy announcements. You do not have to have any background in immigration, although it certainly helps. I highly recommend it! |
Anonymous
Yes, but we've all made choices -- it seems like just as many parents say family dinner is too hard because of 2-3 kids as family dinner is hard because we get home from our law firm or DOJ or other jobs too late -- maybe more. I chose to have a firm-like career AND only one child because that's all I think I can do and not be totally delinquint on one or both. Other people CHOSE to have three kids, which may mean that they can't have family dinners. It is all a choice but you seem to only have a problem with the work choices. |
Anonymous
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OP here- I used to have a very demanding, long hour, and some would say visible and enviable position. I knew that there was more to life than all the hours and stress once I started having kids. I made the choice to make it all work a little better for me and my family. I agree with the other poster's that there are choices in life but no one decision is perfect for everyone. Also, our life is obviously not perfect hence my original post, so clearly we are still work in progress in our household.
I do want to remind those who belive that they can't change, yes you can change, you just have start one step at a time. |
Anonymous
Which may actually be more of a point than when and how everyone feeds their family dinner. |
Anonymous
| Everyone who says that you can get family friendly work positions, just realize that it is a lot harder in this economy. In my professions of CPAs and accountants, firms are a lot less friendly to these alternate schedules when they know it is harder for you to move and get another job. |
Anonymous
ITA. It seems that many people work in a position for a while (sometimes years) and then are able to craft something that is more family-friendly with work from home, flexible hours, compressed work schedules, etc. |
Anonymous
Yes - there was no way I could have gotten my four day a week schedule had I not proven my value to my company by working hard for years before I had kids. That said, I'm reading a book called "Womenomics" or something about how the faltering economy may be great for creating a need for more family friendly work schedules. Rather than laying a bunch of people off, companies can cut costs by reducing schedules. And a person on another thread was talking about how they got a more flexible schedule in lieu of a raise, etc. So it will be exciting to see what happens. On the flipside of that is people want to show their worth and feel like they have to work harder, or do more with fewer people, resources, etc. so it can work both ways. In my case, my boss blatantly admitted recently that they love having me be so productive and having only to pay me 80% of my salary. So it's a win win in our situation as the pay cut is totally worth the extra time, even when sometimes I do have to work a bit during nap time or after bedtime. |
Anonymous
Women make $0.76 on the dollar relative to men, even adjusted for flexible work schedules. Not win-win at all. |
Anonymous
The poster said she's happy. Work is happy. She's working 80% of the schedule she used to before kids. This IS A WIN WIN. It doesn't have to do with men vs. women. |
Anonymous
So b/c one woman is happy, she represents all of us? I agree with the the first PP - not a win-win at all! I am angry at the amount of pay I receive returning from childcare leave and "losing" two years worth of increases. And I even kept up with my certification during that time I stepped out. Do I like my schedule? definitely But until women start complaining more, our daughters will continue to suffer by receiving pay that's beneath them. anyway - way off topic, I assume But in any case, it's still the working mother or SAHM who's making the family dinner most of the time, isn't it? |
Anonymous
Sorry - I disagree with you. I'm a much saner, happier mom working four days a week. We need my paycheck, but we don't need all of what I was making before. The fact is, many moms would take shittier pay for more flexible hours. I know a lot of my friends who felt forced into staying home because their choice was two hour commutes per day + 60 hour minimum works. The pay was great though, but most people, if they can afford not to, are not going to give up their family for that. Things like telecommuting and flexible hours are what we need to keep women in the workforce. And we can't afford to have them flee the workforce - they make up 46% of management. You should read the book. Something's gotta give. My husband makes more than me, but he also works more than me. Not worth it to me. If you just want money and don't care about time, sure, I guess it is unfair. But the premise of the book is studies and surveys show that is NOT what women who have kids or who plan to have kids want. |
Anonymous
I feel really ganged up on and it's crappy. FWIW, I am the first woman in my division to get a flex schedule. It is a huge division and since I have made the reduced hours work, two more women have gotten pregnant and two guys of working moms have had babies, and but one have asked for a change in schedule and gotten it. It was a big deal - the head of our division is a 65 year old "face time" old school boss who doesn't get it, and now he is coming around. What would you have me do? Demand I work 4 days plus get a raise? I'm sure that would have won me a lot of friends at work. I couldn't afford to quit or get fired. Complaining is not the only way. You start by showing some courage, asking, and making it work. I'm not going take on the movement by myself. I'm proud of what I have accomplished. I hope more women ask for this, and more dads too. It's not easy but we have to start somewhere. |
Anonymous
| I think a lot of it is the luck of the commute. I can leave work by 5pm, pick up my kids at day care at 5:05pm, and be home by 5:30pm. I drive less than 10 miles a day, round trips included. DH gets home at 6:30, so it isn't too hard to have dinner ready then. If I had the commute he does- we couldn't make it work. |