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Family Dinner together EVERY Night? Really?
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Anonymous
Yes, both DH and I had the same schedule when the kids were babies. The one advantage I did have is daycare near my office. I left my office just before 5 pm and headed over to daycare. I'd pick up the baby first, then we'd nurse (my youngest was a bottle refuser so we exclusively breastfed) for about 10 minutes, then I'd pick up the older child down the hall, and then we'd get in the car and head home. We'd get home by 6 pm and I would get started on dinner. Now "dinner" for a younger baby (6 - 7 months) was hardly spaghetti and meatballs  but would be some carrots, some yogurt, and some Cheerios, so I'd get them ready while getting dinner ready for the older child, plus DH and myself.
We really survived on cooking ahead and crockpot cooking, so dinner preparation usually involved warming something we had already made, or making some pasta or rice. DH would usually call or email re: what time he thought he'd be home (which usually centered on how bad the 14th Street bridge was that night) and I'd play with the kids for a few minutes between dinner-is-done time and daddy-is-home time. We did lots of dancing to music and such during that small window of time. As soon as DH walked in the door, we'd have dinner. After dinner we'd leave dishes on the table (to be cleaned up after kids are in bed) and get started on baths and stories. With only two kids, we could tag team so I'd read to one and DH would read to the other. (I usually read to the baby as I was breastfeeding before baby went to sleep.) After bedtime, we'd clean up the dinner plates, sort through mail, get a load of laundry in, etc. Hardly glamorous but doable! |
Anonymous
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There are tons of studies that show that family mealtimes are a very influential factor (not the only, obviously) in preventing drug abuse in teenagers. As schedules get busier, children get more independent, and thus it is harder to establish and enforce a family dinner time for the first time when your kids are teenagers. Thus, family dinners are a great first step to avoiding drug abuse. The literature on the subject is everywhere. Here is just one example: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx The facts are on the table: eating dinner together every night keeps the doors of communication open. It’s the perfect time and place to reconnect and to show your kids that they are your priority. Sitting across the table is where and when you can find out more about your children’s likes, dislikes, and daily life. Having this information can help you direct your children toward positive activities and behavior, reducing the likelihood that they will get involved with alcohol, tobacco, and/or illegal drugs. Why Are Family Mealtimes Important? By eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.1 * Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana.2 * Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.3 * Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives. |
Anonymous
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FYI not everyone who works for a law firm is doing it to choose money over their family. Some find happiness doing high profile demanding work. I think having a mother who is really good at what she does and feels important is setting a good example for her kids and is just as likely to end up with kids who don't partake in drug abuse.
By the way to the poster that used the term "upthread"... I freakin love it. It's my new favorite word. |
Anonymous
| by the way, my family ate dinner together every single night growin up. and my sister still ended up anorexic and an alcoholic. |
Anonymous
We try to have family dinner now, but with a baby it was all about giving him a meal, and then cleanup and bath and bed, and then we'd end up eating together around 8:30 or 9:00. Sometimes we'd be together for the little one's meal and sometimes not, but personally I wouldn't worry about "family meal time" until you are all eating pretty much the same food. 
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Anonymous
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PP from 9:19 here. Please don't get me wrong. I agree that parents' happiness should not be discounted. There is nothing inherently wrong in having a position, whether by choice as in a law firm or by necessity, in which the parents can not have family dinner. Everyone has their own factors to consider. Hopefully, those parents are making finding other regular time to sit down with their families to really talk without distraction. I certainly have not conducted any of the drug abuse studies myself, but I assume that having any regularly scheduled quality family time would achieve the same goal.
What I can't understand is those parents working in either a law firm or DOJ who act as if they have no choice. They do have a choice, and they are making it! Maybe it is the best one for them and their family; how would I know? I just hear way too many people both online and in person who act as if they don't have a choice when really they are only trapped by the golden handcuffs of money/prestige/their childless lifestyles. That annoys me. If they own their choices, great! But, if they aren't making the decisions and reconsidering as things change, I think they are doing a disservice to themselves and their families, as well as insulting those families that really don't have options. |
Anonymous
I read that. Yay, you -- but I really think you were the exception not the norm. I had responded to a poster who said that she had three kids under the age of five, a husband who wasn't home till 7, and she didn't do family sit down dinners at 7. She was getting the impression that it was the norm for people to all have sit-down family dinners that late, with kids that young. My response to her was that I thought MOST posters who were sitting down to dinner at 7 with babies/toddlers only had one child. Or they were sitting down to dinner, but it was earlier than 7. It is hard for one baby to wait till 7, much gharder with 2 or three little kids. Obviously it gets easier as the kids hit school age for them to hold it together during the witching hour of 5 to 6. So sagin, Yay! You! for holding your kids off ondinner until 7 PM or 7:30 when your husband got home when they were babies! (although given that that was what -- 4 to 6 years ago, I do wonder if perhaps you have selective memory...) Personally, my babies and toddlers went to BED at 7 so there's no way I could have done that. But also fortunately,my husband gets home from work between 5 and 6. And now that my kids are school aged, family dinners are the norm in our household. Still, I don't think they are the norm for people with toddlers and preschoolers. Again, you PP, I believe are the exception to the jnorm. (Yay for you!) |
Anonymous
I was hardly alone. I have four dear friends where I work that all used the same daycare, all have two kids in the same age range, and we all would commiserate with each other about the dinner madness, the rush to get home, the rush to get out of daycare before the 30 minute "parking pass" was up (I rarely managed that and had to get a special parking sticker from the daycare staff ~blush~). The achievable goal of working parents to have "family dinner" together is much more prevalent than just the posts here. (And my sister working moms are probably not off work today and posting here like I am, thanks to a teacher workday.)
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Anonymous
| How unfortunate that my 1.5 year old and my 3.5 year old are now destined to be junkies, all because we don't have family dinners together every night. I bet one of them drops out of preschool, maybe gets loaded on apple juice and wraps a trike around a tree. |
Anonymous
I call bullshit. I just don't believe you! I don't think the majority of 2 income couples who have a parent coming home at 7 PM or later and have two young children hold dinner till 7 so the other parent can eat with the 18 month old and the 3 years old. |
Anonymous
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I think your friends SAID they did -- but the reason they were "commisserating" with you about how hard it was was that in reality they weren't accomplishing the family dinner all together much at all. Maybe once or twice a week -- like most of us (especially with young kids and a spouse not home till 7 or later).
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Anonymous
Here's my 14 month old's eating schedule - breakfast 7:15 morning snack 9:30 lunch 12:00 afternoon snack: 3:00 (a big snack) dinner: 6:00/6:30 start bedtime routine 7:00 He can go until 6:30 for dinner as long as I am entertaining him ... if I'm in the kitchen cooking from 6 - 6:30, he's reminded that he's hungry and it's miserable for both of us. If your 6 month old needs to start the bedtime routine at 6, I think you're doing the best you can. His bedtime will get a little later, and I haven't had any problems putting mine down right after dinner. Sometimes we do go straight to the bath after dinner, and I think that's ok. |
Anonymous
Suit yourself.
You, too. |
Anonymous
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This threat has gotten so toxic.
My advice - as someone with two kids who is lucky enough to be home every night between 5 and 6, with a husband who is sometimes home at 6 or 6:30 but sometimes not until the kids are in bed.... 1) Have a set dinner window every night. For us, it is between 6 and 6:30. 2) Have meals that require no more than 10 minutes of "work" (chopping, measuring, etc) and short actual cooking times. Think crock-pot, warmed up leftovers, and microwaveable frozen vegetables. We do a lot of prep work on the weekends so the weeknights are easy. 3) Have a relatively healthy balanced meal around the same time each night with at least one parent present. If DH is going to make it at 6:30, we'll wait out for him. If he can't make it until 7, we don't. With two working parents and living in this traffic nightmare of a city, I think that's the best you can do! That's a "family dinner" in my book! |
Anonymous
Great post! |